K
Dedicated October 2018

fh doesn’t want 1st dance

Katie, on January 31, 2018 at 10:45 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 25
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So FH just told me that he doesn’t want to do the first dance with only him and I on the dance floor. He has social anxiety and gets really nervous about this kind of stuff and doesn’t want everyone watching us dance, partly bc he doesn’t know how to dance either. I told him we could take dance classes but he doesn’t like that idea either. He’s not opposed to dancing, only us dancing by ourselves while everyone watches. He’s letting me do whatever I want for this wedding but the first dance was something I was really set on and wanted to get good pics of, which will be hard to do if everyone else is dancing too. Any suggestions???

25 Comments

  • L
    Just Said Yes August 2018
    Lynacy ·
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    My ONLY suggestion is maybe don't do the dance. This is his day too and he shouldn't have to be uncomfortable. Maybe have alot of games set up for people who do
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  • L
    Just Said Yes August 2018
    Lynacy ·
    • Flag
    Sorry it glitches and sent before I was done. Anyways, set up games for the people who don't want to dance. The games will make for great pics as well
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  • Forestwed
    Master May 2018
    Forestwed ·
    • Flag
    FH told me the same thing last night. I feel disappointed but I’m not going to pressure him into it.
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  • An
    Super September 2019
    An ·
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    Yeah I wouldn't try to push something he is clearly not comfortable. Your photographer can get pictures of you dancing, you don't need to be alone. I would be disappointed but there isn't really a way to compromise here.

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  • K
    Dedicated October 2018
    Katie ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Games are a good idea, I didn’t think of that
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  • Daria
    VIP January 2019
    Daria ·
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    Can you do a few dance steps for pics and then invite everyone to join you? Or, have your first dance privately before joining the reception? Either after doing family pics or during a first look?

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    Our compromise is we’re doing a super short slow dance and very quickly cutting to something fast and upbeat and inviting everyone to the dance floor to join. Maybe try to find something like that to meet in the middle ?

    we’re both not dancers and not into the spotlight but I think we can suffer through like 30 seconds of awkward then get pumped with everyone
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  • Amanda
    Master October 2018
    Amanda ·
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    I have anxiety about the first dance .. but I know with my love there I'm only going to be focused on him.. he gives me confidence.. maybe him keeping his eyes closed would help.. you don't have to do a fancy first dance .. we plan to just hold each other and dance close
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  • M
    Devoted February 2018
    Melissa ·
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    Mine is the same way. I got him to agree by letting him pick the song and telling him we don’t really have to “dance” but we can rock back and forth and just have a minute with each other. I even told him we don’t have to stay on the dance floor for the whole song but I just want a small moment with him. I also followed it up with the face that we can include our kids in the dance. Maybe you could have it announced as “please join Mr and Mrs X on the floor for their first dance”. I’ve heard of this and it’s really sweet, especially for family to join in a dance. It shares the experience with those closest to you as a newly married couple
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  • KB
    Dedicated July 2018
    KB ·
    • Flag

    I have seen before were the bride and groom go out to dance with maybe parents/ grandparents out on the floor to start as well. Then the DJ announces anyone married 50+ years come join the couple on the dance floor. After a little bit longer, 40+ years, 30+, and so on. That way you get your first dance, the photographer can take some pics before it gets crowded but FH doesn't feel like everyone is looking at him.

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  • B
    Beginner April 2018
    BrideofLockwood ·
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    I agree with KB. The first dance is a big moment for us brides, so I think having it with your FH and parents could work if he's OK with that. That way the attention isn't all on you guys, but you can still get some great pics without a packed dance floor. Good luck!

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  • BB-H
    VIP September 2018
    BB-H ·
    • Flag

    Well, you could make your first dance something you do during the cocktail hour, away from everyone else. It could be a private room with just the two of you and a photographer. Or, turn your first dance into the bridal party dance, so he doesn't feel so alone.

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  • ET
    Devoted March 2018
    ET ·
    • Flag

    I personally love the idea of having a private first dance, just the two of you. It will give you the beautiful photos you want while still respecting his wishes, and then you can do a "first dance" alongside the rest of your guests at the reception if you want to include them as well.

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  • K
    Dedicated October 2018
    Katie ·
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    Thank you guys!
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  • Amanda
    Dedicated June 2017
    Amanda ·
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    I was the same way and hate everyone watching me (which is difficult to avoid during a wedding). I would've been very happy to skip the first dance. We decided to do the first dance to a shorter song, 2-3 minutes, that wasn't a usual wedding song but meant something to us. We had the DJ invite everyone up half way through the song to join us. It turned out to be very memorable and we did get some good pictures from it.

    We did take one dance lesson through Groupon but at the end of the day I didn't want to memorize foot moves and just did a basic two step slow dance.

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  • caitlin
    Super May 2017
    caitlin ·
    • Flag

    I love the idea of doing it privately. we skipped all the spotlight dances because they weren't that important to us, H cannot dance other than to Pony by Ginuwine, and i have social anxiety, haha. if i'd thought of the option of doing it privately i might have reconsidered!

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  • plangalCG
    VIP May 2018
    plangalCG ·
    • Flag
    I love everyone’s idea of a private first dance. I’ve been contemplating what to do....we aren’t really having dancing....or that many guests in general. So it feels like it could be weird...and yet, both of us kind of like the idea.
    • Reply
  • S
    Just Said Yes September 2018
    Sandra ·
    • Flag
    I think that you need to compromise with your FH on this, since he’s not wanting to do just for whatever reason. If you force him to do it those picture you really want won’t come out as genuine and he will look forced. I would say to talk to your photographer about the situation and he should be able to get some good pictures of the two of you dancing with others around.

    You can can also try to do a “private” first dance where you can dance just the two of you in a private setting and your photographer can be there to photograph the moment.

    Overall, I know it’s hard for something that such a tradition but you need to make it your wedding, it’ll be different than all others because it’ll be yours and your FH personalities in a wedding. Even if you don’t have that “traditional first dance” moment, you will have many other moments that night.
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  • K
    Dedicated October 2018
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    A private first dance sounds really romantic too
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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
    • Flag

    First Dance

    My DH was the same way. He didn't want a first dance because he suffers from anxiety. We practiced the box step a few times at home to the song "Can't Help Falling in Love" just in case he changed his mind, but I was prepared to forgo it. Then just after dinner he said he was up for it, but only for the first 30 seconds and then he wanted the bandleader to ask everyone to join us. Honestly, this is one of my favorite memories seeing everyone join us, especially his parents. It was very touching.


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