fh Dad and Stepmom not coming to rehearsal dinner

You said it best... its hard to focus on them when they don't show interest. My best advice is... don't. There are so many things to worry about and this should be a happy time. Try to focus as much as you can on the good and the reason you are getting married. It may help ease some of the tension next time you see them.

Plus... one less mouth to feel (;

I’m so sorry that is happening to you!! I had so many things like this happen to us too. It can be really hard to not focus on the negatives, but as you said, it really is important to focus all of your attention and energy towards the people that do care and will be there for you on your big day. You will have so many special people around you who love you so much. I actually relate a little, my FH’s parents both said they weren’t going to come to the rehearsal dinner because we didn’t invite the aunt and uncle who are traveling here for the wedding. This was my bridezilla moment and I told FH that he better tell them to get over themselves and show up because this is NOT about the aunt and uncle, this is about their son’s ONLY wedding and the parents of the groom WILL be in attendance for the dinner. They are coming now after he spoke with them about how the rehearsal dinner is something special just for our parents and bridal party and how important that it is to us that they are there. I think sometimes people just don’t understand how important these events are to us and how big of a deal it is to us when they opt out. It is just so hard because even though all of these things are obviously a big deal, it goes over people’s heads because they are focused on themselves.

Personally I wouldn't let it phase either of you. Sometimes when it comes to weddings and funerals you really see people's nasty sides. At the end of the day focus on the people that really care about you and are making the effort to truly be there. It is their loss and it's going to be there regret when they look bad not yours.

Sounds like his momma will be there. I don't want to repeat what any of the other pp have said, as they are all spot on. But I think that you should keep focusing on the parents that will be there, and have supported you throughout this process. They will continue to be there for the rest of your lives. And the dad and stepmom are the ones missing out - not you guys!

My father in law and brother in law didn’t even come to our actual wedding. It sucks a lot but I would have preferred them to skip the rehearsal dinner and still shown up. None of my parents got ready with us even though they said they intended to, and my mother in law left before the cake cutting. It kind of sucked but didn’t ruin the day. I would focus on who is there and enjoy your time with your fiancé.

Can it be that there are hard feelings between his parents? Agree with PP, let it go

I would probably find it a smidge inconvenient to find the time to visit them and participate in "their" events in the future. Oopsie. Sorry not sorry but parental dissing of their kids is something I find extremely difficult to understand/forgive. All this aside...., please enjoy this wonderful time love, congrats!!

That’s so obnoxious of them, I’m so sorry! How does your FH feel about this? If it makes you feel any better FIL almost didn’t come to our rehearsal dinner either... he was planning to fly in the night before the wedding. The only reason he did end up coming was because he got a better deal on a flight the night before 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm sorry you are dealing with that! If you can, I'd try to focus on the positive - the people coming to the rehearsal dinner and making every effort to be with you all weekend. Don't focus on the people who aren't focusing on you!

All of you are so right! i appreciate the words of wisdom. i'm going to just focus on what is actually important. a few of you have pointed out that it will be their loss. my FH is sad and disappointed but he's use to this behavior from them unfortunately. we've managed to stay relatively drama free and to have this happen with less than 2 weeks left just sucks.

I'm sorry you are dealing with us. We had a very similar situation. My father-in-law and his fiancee didn't attend our rehearsal dinner and they live the closest to where are wedding was like only 10-15 minutes away whereas everyone else lived 1-1.5 hours. He didn't think he was required to and when we sent him the information we were told he couldn't attend because he had to work. My father-in-law is also estranged from my husband's older brother and sister who were both at the rehearsal as my sister-in-law was a bridesmaid and my brother-in-law's children were our flower girls and ring bearer. They didn't want to be around him so it was almost a blessing that he didn't attend, but it was still rather hurtful that my father-in-law didn't seem to care about our wedding. Neither of them asked anything about the wedding nor offered to help. My father-in-law wouldn't even rent a tux like my dad or the rest of the groomsmen. He also didn't ask or offer to get ready with my husband the morning of the wedding. My brother and dad got ready with my dad though. My father-in-law and his fiancee arrived along with the rest of the guests. My father-in-law also planned a vacation with my husband and my husband's younger brother two weeks prior to the wedding. His boss had given him money as a retirement gift for my father-in-law to go on vacation with two people of his choice. He of course had to pick for the vacation to be a week long right before the wedding which really upset me and caused a lot of fighting between my husband and I. My father-in-law also hates photos of himself and he flipped me off when I told him he had to be in family photos. My dad saw him and was about ready to punch him. While it is hurtful at least you won't have to deal with any drama between them and your future brother-in-law.

Lots of times, brothers and sisters, or parents, of bride and groom, do not come to the rehearsal dinner. Not a big deal, because you will have your wedding party there. And can enjoy having his brother as wedding party, without tension affecting the whole dinner. It may be a blessing. Also, without the extended family from out of town, and dad and stepmom, you will have more focus on the wedding. And less family reunion stories from uncles and grandparents, about your distant cousins. So try to think of it positively: because they are having this reunion time with family, you will have a smaller, nicer, wedding oriented dinner with your bridal party and their SO. You will enjoy the smaller group, everyone getting along. It is primarily a dinner for you and your wedding party . These are your friends, and your generation of family, enjoying all of your wedding festivities. How nice.