fh and i dont talk about wedding stuff

None of this would fly with me. Sit him down and tell him that he either talks about the wedding and begins planning with you or you’re going to cancel what you have planned so far because it wasn’t even you who wanted the big wedding at home.

I would stop planning until you get on the same page. He doesn't want to discuss planning or help pay for the wedding that he wanted? That's a hard stop for me. Is he still on board?

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He wants to get married. He says all he cares about is us, being happy, food, and partying with our family and friends.......Like UGH ok well all this stuff to do and plan so i hired a planner on Sunday and had him come with me to meet her. He just stands and watches... No input just "whatever you want"

This would get very annoying to me. I hate "I don't know" answers. But I agree with PP you need to talk to him and not plan anything more until he at least is helping with his opinions a little bit too. I mean it is his wedding too!

View Quoted Comment I would push back on that. “Whatever you want” would have been him agreeing to Vegas or a destination wedding. He doesn’t get to decide the kind of wedding you’re having and then just give zero input or money toward it.

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Okay, but what you wanted was a destination wedding and he wasn't going for that. If he doesn't actively plan parties and other events, I wouldn't expect that to change now. But he is an adult and he is the one who pushed for the type of wedding that you're having, so he needs to be financially responsible and make his preferences known. You absolutely shouldn't be planning and paying for this on your own. Do you typically discuss finances? This would be an issue that I would want resolved before marriage.

Mine is TOO opinionated. Lol.


I might suggest giving him smaller choices? Maybe a this or this? I like both of these, which do you like better? Sort of situation.
As someone who had zero vision of their own wedding, the sheer amount of things I had to make choices on was daunting. Kinda like diving into the ocean without knowing how to swim. Maybe narrowing things down will be easier?
My fiance hasn't really pitched in for the wedding either, but he does the house and bills, I do most groceries, home furnishings, and wedding stuff.

Gosh, we see this SO often here. Bride wants a small/simple wedding or elopement. Groom wants a big party. Bride agrees and then groom doesn't put in any effort. I am NOT victim blaming here, but honestly, this has got to stop.

OP, put the breaks on and have some real conversations with your future spouse. Show him the budget, everything that has been planned and still needs to be planned. Remind him he wanted this and you didn't. He needs to step up and you need to step back until you two reach a good equilibrium. Good luck!

To me this is totally different than brides who DO want a huge wedding and then complain their grooms aren't helping. It really needs to be a compromise; the wedding is for both partners, or otherwise what's the point??

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We just purchased a house in August and still working on us having serious conversations. We have been together for 11 years so working all day and than coming home im just tired and forget things and everything is funny or we are on the go all the time. I just need to have a serious sit down conversation with him. So far ive discovered im in charge of the bills he just gives me the money and sometimes i just snap because i didnt sign up for a one man team... We are okay lol just things get pushed to the side and im organized so i have things to help me remember but it would be nice if he would equally help me with everything,

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It sounds like couples counseling could be really beneficial here.

Ugh sounds also very typical of groom behavior. My husband is a very much 'whatever you want' type. I had to explain to him that I want his opinion too because it's OUR thiny

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Thank you for this! This is why we planned a two year engagement because we just bought a house and i just want simple, budget friendly and small... but here we are with 250 guest thanks to his side of the family and have just finally started booking things. I mean we have 16 months left to go but its more of You wanted this than help me! Just simple things like i asked start looking for groomsmen gifts or things you want. or anything.... His friend actually called last night and asked "whens the bachelor party" IDK we haven't planned or talked about...

My FH lets me make most of the decisions when it comes to wedding planning. I gave him a small simple list of things to do and broke it down by months. His list is exactly a page long. Mine is about 3 pages long, mine is more detailed too. But what I found worked best earlier on was only giving him options between 2 choices. Like narrowing it down so it would be easier to make a decision instead of giving him all the options.

You definitely HAVE to talk about it. It's one thing for him to not be involved in small details like which type of flowers or which flavor of cake you pick, but big decisions, especially the expensive ones like a venue need to be done together and it's absolutely unfair for him to ask for a big wedding and then not contribute any time or money to it. First of all, I think you should consider hiring a wedding planner/coordinator. Schedule and appointment with them and make him go. You mentioned you are usually tired at the end of the day and sometimes just don't feel like talking about it or forget. Why don't you plan a date night specifically dedicated to wedding planning? Go somewhere together that you can bring a laptop and show him all the things you've booked, and then tell him what's left. Talk about the budget. If you still have major vendors to book, give him a list of your two or three faves and have him choose.

A couple PPs mentioned it, but it does also sound like this might indicate an overall communication problem and you might benefit from some counseling. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your relationship, but an unbiased person might be able to help you find a way to more fairly share responsibility and communicate openly.

He's not even contributing financially? That is unacceptable, unless you've agreed to this beforehand and he is struggling financially. You're supposed to be a team.
I'd put a stop to all wedding planning, don't book any more vendors. Figure out a plan for MUTUAL payment and what roles you will each play.

It astonishes me that you and your mother are funding this entire wedding, esp when he is getting the wedding he wants and most of the guests are from his side.
Honestly, how do you expect marriage to work if you're doing all the legwork and paying??

Sorry, but you don't just "discover" you're in charge of the bills--or the wedding planning. If he's not willing to step up now, what's he going to do after you're married? He needs to recognize that you're in this together, and he needs to do his share. Which, if he's the one wanting the big wedding is more than half of the planning and paying for it.

My comment is going off of my assumption that you are planning a Vegas wedding since you didn't mention it in your post...

It sounds to me as if you are planning your wedding instead of you and your FH wedding especially if he has no interest in discussing any of it. I would stop planning anything until you and him can discuss a wedding that both of you are happy with and can both be on board with the planning. It is his wedding too and hopefully you have taken into account some of the things he wanted.

Now if you compromised on a big wedding before hand then he needs to stop being a brat and help you! Make sure that he is still wanting to get married. He may be getting cold feet.

Good luck either way.

I agree with PPs, stop planning and paying, and let him know you've stopped until he helps you! Remind him the HE wanted this! Sending good vibes your way!

My FH wasn't into the planning in the beginning either he always said we have time to talk about it & get stuff. So I continue to buy stuff & pick out stuff on my own but he did put money aside each time. He said once we hit the 1 year mark he will talk about it, help out, etc.... sure I was annoyed but he kept his word once we hit the 1 year mark, He was helping me plan, pick out things we needed, put more money in our savings, etc...

The thing that really gets me in your post is that “his money is his”.. OH HELL NO.
It’s your wedding. Together. My fiancé and I have only been engaged for a month but our fiancés were OUR finances since we moved in together almost a year ago.
The fact that your FH won’t contribute to wedding spending is insane and makes me question whether or not he really wants to get married. The fact that he won’t help plan is also a massive red flag to me.
Sit that man down and have that talk. “I need you to help me plan this”. “You need to help me financially with this.” “Is this still what you want. “