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Erin
Savvy September 2021

Fertility fears?

Erin, on April 8, 2021 at 3:50 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 24

TMI warning Does anyone else deal with strange cycles and issues they fear will hamper conception? My FH and I are getting married this September 2021. He will be 34 and I will be 32. I will then turn 33 in January of 2022. If I were a bit younger, I would wait until an entire year of marriage or...

TMI warning

Does anyone else deal with strange cycles and issues they fear will hamper conception? My FH and I are getting married this September 2021. He will be 34 and I will be 32. I will then turn 33 in January of 2022. If I were a bit younger, I would wait until an entire year of marriage or longer to start trying, but as it is, we plan to start trying in July next year because I strongly suspect I'm either infertile or there is something that is going to make it incredibly difficult to conceive. I will be 33 and we will have been married for ten months.


For most of my life, I've had pretty short cycles but throughout my late teens, early twenties and middle twenties it averaged out somewhere around 25/26 days consistently, which is fine in my head. As I hit my late twenties and early thirties, I had more frequent bouts of 24, 23, 22, and 21 day cycles. I sometimes have intermittent spotting between periods. These issues have gotten worse since I had a copper IUD placed - like much worse but I expected that. I mean, I get a period every month so I guess that is something. I've spoken to my OB and she ran some preliminary tests such as hormone testing and even an intravaginal ultrasound. She did not find anything. Everything looked normal as far as the tests she did. She did not see signs of perimenopause and I don't really have any other signs of early onset menopause. I'm afraid to keep asking her to look because it's not like there would be much we could right now if my body does not really work right.


Heck, even as I type this, I have mild cramps and just had spotting 2 days ago on only cycle day 19. It's only day 21 now and I'm probably going to get AF at earliest tomorrow. Is anyone else dealing with something similar or does anyone else have stories about having whacky cycles and still having children just fine? I guess I'm just looking for reassurance at this point because I don't feel like continuing to pursue any kind of testing is going to do me any good.

24 Comments

  • A
    Savvy June 2021
    Angela ·
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    Girl me too. Since I was 5 years old all I've wanted to do was be a mom. I'm currently a teacher and I want to adopt all of my students who need better homes. My heart physically hurts for children in need.
    I have several health problems including an autoimmune disorder that can lower fertility. I'm only 23 now and I'm terrified I won't be able to have kids. I'm happy to adopt or foster but I would love to have 1-2 that are biologically related to me as well.
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  • Chelsea
    Expert June 2021
    Chelsea ·
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    I have wonky, irregular cycles, so I can definitely agree that this is a fear! Especially after receiving the COVID vaccine and hearing everyone urge me to think about how it could affect me later on.

    Meanwhile, my fiance's mom had him when she was 40! That puts me at ease.

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  • Maddie
    Expert February 2022
    Maddie ·
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    I will also be close to 33 by the time I get marred and my FH will be 35. I freak out about this constantly with no real reason to. There isn't anything in my family or personal history that would predestine me as being unable to conceive. I've been on the pill for so long that I worry I'll have problems even as multiple OBs and Drs tell me that won't effect my fertility.

    You're body changes ever so. I don't think spotty/funky cycles are necessarily a sign that you won't be able to conceive, it may just be harder to track. Which to be honest, might be a good thing as long as the overall consensus is that you WANT to get pregnant. I think someone else mentioned, but the few people I know who have tried conceiving for a long time, usually end up pregnant when they stop making sex a chore and it ends up being a pleasant surprise. Also if you aren't trying to get pregnant now, there really isn't a reason to do these tests now. Cross that bridge when you get there. I take anxiety and anti depressants that I know I will not be able to take when I'm pregnant. Often I try to skip the ones I take for my insomnia to try and see if I can do it, but then i stay up all night and worry about what I'm going to do when I'm pregnant, to sleep. Now I have to tell myself that I can cross that bridge when I get to it and I can do it with the help of my Drs. But right now there isn't any reason to change my medication.

    Also keep in mind that you are planning a wedding and stress can mess with your period as well. I skipped my first period about a year ago after a couple months of severe stress involving my FH's father's failing health. And then I got it twice in once month.

    it'll all work out for the best, just try not to stress too much

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  • Megan
    Devoted May 2023
    Megan ·
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    I would set up an appointment if it's feasible to get both your eggs and his sperm tested (so many infertility cases are actually the MALES! but outdated medicine puts a lot more emphasis on what's wrong with the woman. Working in womens health care for years, it's a real eye opener).

    There's been studies as mentioned, that a womans infertility doesn't drop down dramatically at 35 as well. I wouldn't place a timeline on yourself if it's not a timeline you want. Keep on top of routine checks and wellness visits but don't feel bullied in to getting pregnant by x age for fear of reproduction issues.

    In the end, if god forbid conceiving isn't working- there is so many other options from surrogacy, adopting, foster to adopt, etc. you'll get that baby Smiley heart

    I had my kids as a teenager.. and now in my 30's I definitely worry I won't be able to have a baby with my fiance, so I know it's easier said than done on not stressing, it's our nature quite literally.

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