Erin
Savvy September 2021

Fertility fears?

Erin, on April 8, 2021 at 3:50 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 24
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TMI warning

Does anyone else deal with strange cycles and issues they fear will hamper conception? My FH and I are getting married this September 2021. He will be 34 and I will be 32. I will then turn 33 in January of 2022. If I were a bit younger, I would wait until an entire year of marriage or longer to start trying, but as it is, we plan to start trying in July next year because I strongly suspect I'm either infertile or there is something that is going to make it incredibly difficult to conceive. I will be 33 and we will have been married for ten months.


For most of my life, I've had pretty short cycles but throughout my late teens, early twenties and middle twenties it averaged out somewhere around 25/26 days consistently, which is fine in my head. As I hit my late twenties and early thirties, I had more frequent bouts of 24, 23, 22, and 21 day cycles. I sometimes have intermittent spotting between periods. These issues have gotten worse since I had a copper IUD placed - like much worse but I expected that. I mean, I get a period every month so I guess that is something. I've spoken to my OB and she ran some preliminary tests such as hormone testing and even an intravaginal ultrasound. She did not find anything. Everything looked normal as far as the tests she did. She did not see signs of perimenopause and I don't really have any other signs of early onset menopause. I'm afraid to keep asking her to look because it's not like there would be much we could right now if my body does not really work right.


Heck, even as I type this, I have mild cramps and just had spotting 2 days ago on only cycle day 19. It's only day 21 now and I'm probably going to get AF at earliest tomorrow. Is anyone else dealing with something similar or does anyone else have stories about having whacky cycles and still having children just fine? I guess I'm just looking for reassurance at this point because I don't feel like continuing to pursue any kind of testing is going to do me any good.

24 Comments

Latest activity by Lisa, on May 7, 2021 at 1:06 PM
  • Jess
    Devoted January 2022
    Jess ·
    • Flag
    Hello Smiley smile I can relate in the sense of my age I’ll be 31 and we get married January 2022 but originally we were supposed to get married this past January ( covid) so I def want to start right away haha. My cycles have been normal but u still overthink what if I can’t becUse of my age ..


    If you ob hasn’t seen anything to worry about then I’d say just relax and don’t over think it that is the worst thing to do to yourself
    • Reply
  • Rebelle Fleur
    Rockstar July 2021
    Rebelle Fleur ·
    • Flag
    I thought I was infertile also. I got pregnant at 31 and now I have a happy healthy two year old. I had no idea I could carry and it was a pleasant surprise for both of us. I would have your eggs and his sperm tested so if you need assistance TTC, you can start the process now.


    Please, please PLEASE, stay positive and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. All those negative intrusive thoughts can add unnecessary stress and affect your chances.
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Savvy September 2021
    Erin ·
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    Aw, thank you so much! That is helpful and encouraging. I would like to get my eggs tested, but not sure how expensive that is or if my insurance even covers it. I'm going to have to look into it and talk to FH about it.

    • Reply
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    I’m super worried! I’m 30 and I just started taking pre natal vitamins because I’m super worried I won’t be able TC. Im just focusing on getting my body as healthy as possible before I start trying after my wedding in June.
    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    I would just try to relax and continue talking to you OB. If she hasn't found anything concerning thus far, that's a good sign. Your age isn't really a concern as of yet, and neither is your irregularity. It doesn't honestly see that irregular. I have some friends that would just not have a period some months who were able to conceive in early to mid 30s. Continue talking to your doctor and try to relax. Stress can negatively impact your body as well. Try to take this time to figure out what your insurance does and does not cover, speaking to your OB, and so on. Focus on the things you can control.
    • Reply
  • ScandalousRandallous
    Devoted July 2022
    ScandalousRandallous ·
    • Flag

    Get your AMH and FSH tested as part of hormone panels, along with his sperm. This will give you an idea of your where your eggs are at and if he has any immediate issues.

    • Reply
  • Honey
    Dedicated July 2022
    Honey ·
    • Flag
    Try to relax and enjoy sex. I’ve noticed a lot of our friends when trying focus to much on it and it just doesn’t happen. It’s happened to me I am a couple years younger. However my periods are short and I have also brought this to the attention of my OB but apparently everything is good. My fiancé and I will start trying after our wedding.


    What I’ve read is to try for about a year (depending on age could be 6 months) and then if it doesn’t happen visit a specialist. They might be able to help you more. You can also get an OPK kit which helps by letting you know when you’re ovulating.
    Hope this helps and good luck ☺️☺️
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Savvy September 2021
    Erin ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you so much you guys. Reading the thread has kind of allayed my fears. There is so much we cannot control in life and that has always spiked my anxiety. Hearing, “focus what you can control” from kind peers on forums along with friends and family is reassuring.
    • Reply
  • Megan
    Dedicated February 2023
    Megan ·
    • Flag
    I would trust your OB and just try to relax! I interned for an OB and she always used to say just think about how many people get drunk and have a good night and wind up pregnant 😉 enjoy the process! Try not to worry too much and just have fun with it!!
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Expert May 2021
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    Look into vitex chaste tree berry supplements (herbal) from either amazon or holistic place ... do some research on it... you take them 2-3 months then take a break.. (do not take while on your period) it could help regulate you... it helped me after going off birth control pills, and it helps with pms and tender/sore breasts. Fertility fears? 1

    • Reply
  • Erin
    Savvy September 2021
    Erin ·
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    Oh that is cool. I looked into it and there seems to be some decent science backing it. I just placed an order. I hope it helps. Thank you!
    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag
    My cycles are 25-26 days but no spotting in between. Do you have plans to remove the IUD soon? That might help you monitor your cycles and get to the root of any issues without that extra factor.


    I also track my BBT and use an OPK kit to make sure I'm ovulating each month (planning to TTC after I get married and had some concerns, so I wanted to learn more about how my body is working). Have you thought about trying to track your ovulation?
    Lastly, do you have a particularly stressful lifestyle or quirky diet? Those things might throw your body for a bit of a loop. Nothing that can't be managed but worth it to think about
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Savvy September 2021
    Erin ·
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    I have thought about doing the ovulation tracking but I have never actually done it.


    I do have IBS, so my diet fluctuates a lot with flare ups and I have not one but two anxiety disorders, so that definitely plays into it. So, any stress I feel is amplified. It also does not help that my personality is naturally high-strung. 😂
    I plan to remove my IUD in July of next year. I was going to do March of next year, but understandably the fiancé (he definitely wants kids) thought that was a little too soon after the wedding. So, we compromised and decided we would start in July 2022 to give us more of a cushion to adjust to married life.
    Because of my anxieties, a year full year was too much for me to wait. If every thing works out right, we will conceive around FH’s birthday next year.
    But I think I might start tracking my ovulation to figure out when it actually happens for me. I know I ovulate. I have seen the cervical fluid (sorry - gross), but I’m not sure how normal everything surrounding that event is.
    Definitely taking a lot of the advice in this thread. I think I’m going to start tracking my ovulation soon after the wedding to get an idea.
    Thanks so much everyone!

    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Haha nothing about the female body grosses me out anymore, no worries.


    I also have IBS and have only recently stabilized my diet, and even now I still more fasting than is ideal in my opinion. So I definitely understand there. I used to have chronic low iron and some other nutrient absorption issues due to the medications I was taking to manage IBS symptoms, but I have managed to get off of them and instead manage most symptoms with diet and lots of probiotics. Sorry for the tangent, all to say I totally feel you!

    Also I am a very anxious person, so I get you there.

    I think if you're seeing thick cervical mucus, that's a really good sign that should put your mind at ease!
    • Reply
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    The thing is, nobody really knows if they will have trouble until they start TTC, so try not to worry. If you do have trouble, there are plenty of treatments out there that can increase your chances. My husband and I (ages 30 and 31) started IUI this month after a year and a half of trying, and if that doesn't work after a few cycles, then we'll move to IVF. There are lots of treatment options available. Yay science!

    My other advice would be: get that IUD out sooner rather than later (your body will need time to readjust before you start TTC), start tracking your ovulation once your IUD is out, get on a good prenatal vitamin 3-6 months before you start trying, and meet with your OB. Also, if you think you'll have trouble, get to know your insurance policy really well, and study the fine print. Unless you're in your late 30s or you've been diagnosed with PCOS, there isn't much to worry about until you start trying. And if it's any consolation, if you do have trouble, there are lots of treatments that can help!

    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    I'm 37.

    I'm also 15 weeks pregnant.

    I JUST saw an article today saying that women's fertility lasts a lot longer than all those scare "studies" tell you... though now I can't find it, of course.

    IF YOUR DOCTOR IS SHAMING YOU INTO HAVING CHILDREN, GET A NEW DOCTOR.

    (Also, there are a lot of threads on this, you aren't alone.)

    Please, relax. You're fine.

    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Please, for your own sake, try to stop worrying. Find a therapist to help, if you need it.

    A) It's not good for YOU.

    B) It's not good for trying to conceive.

    C) You are YOUNG. Any doctor telling you that you need to hurry up, is a doctor you can tell to stuff it, and you're finding a new one.

    • Reply
  • Erin
    Expert May 2021
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    You’re welcome! I hope it helps! 😊
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Savvy September 2021
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Oh wow, you guys have been a huge help. This has put my mind at ease. Sometimes I need to hear it from folks outside of my life.


    And Rebecca, a therapist has been on the plate for awhile but man has life gotten super busy. I need to up the effort on that despite my busy life. 🤦‍♀️
    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated June 2017
    Monica ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Since you mentioned cervical mucus and that you are comfortable at least seeing it, you might want to consider the Creighton model system of tracking your cycles if you anticipate having difficulty getting pregnant. This is because CrMS has an accompanying medical science called NaPro, and doctors who are NaPro trained can use the biomarkers you track to help determine testing and treatments.


    CrMS is taught by a teacher, although there is now an app that you can get in conjunction with instruction! I used to be a teacher in the system, although life experiences have taken me in a different direction. Prior to leaving teaching, I worked with lots of women at different stages in life including women that had difficulty getting pregnant. For most of them, the doctor was able to use their charting biomarkers and testing to help them determine the root cause of the issue and get pregnant. No treatment method is ever perfect, but there are lots of success stories!
    Don’t worry about your age, I had women in their late 30s get pregnant. One advantage of tracking your cycles, no matter what system you use, is that you will be able to focus intercourse for ovulation times. If your cycles are typically shorter, you may be ovulating sooner in your cycle. Tracking your cycles will help you determine that, and also help you make sure that your body has enough time after ovulation for implantation to occur. Keep in mind if you’re doing this while you have the IUD in, that may affect your hormones.
    Good luck, and I wouldn’t worry! I am also trying, and I am getting ready to turn 37 (yikes). I knew going into this journey that things would be difficult for me, but I know that I am in great hands with my NaPro doctor and he’s doing the best he can to help me. One FYI is that CrMS teachers and NaPro doctors are typically pro life and won’t encourage contraception and IUIs, IVF, etc
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