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Ashley
Savvy June 2020

“Feminist” Wedding?

Ashley, on April 15, 2020 at 4:47 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 1 22
I know this term means different things to different people. Which is awesome! My Dad is the officiant (more free-spirited ceremony) and we all know I won’t be “given away”, etc. but I’m personally still looking forward to wearing white and taking my partner’s last name.


I’m curious about traditional wedding aspects you’re maybe planning on switching up/have switched up to better represent your views on partnership/this union?

22 Comments

Latest activity by Kimberly, on October 15, 2020 at 5:57 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    We skipped the bouquet toss and especially the garter toss. If you haven’t done so already, I would recommend looking into those traditions before you make them part of your day. The garter toss is incredibly cringy.
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  • Ashley
    Savvy June 2020
    Ashley ·
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    Yeah, we’re passing on those too. We’re at the point where our wedding will look very different, but I also think guests will understand it’s much more fitting for us. Didn’t know if others on here had cool/different approaches in that vein. Thanks for the reply!
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I skipped being walked down the aisle by someone and given away. i walked by myself aha.

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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    We also skipped the bouquet and garter tosses. I had intended on having both of my parents walk me down the aisle, but my dad has a physical disability and was in too much pain so my mom walked me down alone.


    Another idea: my SIL and her fiance are planning to walk down the aisle together, which I think is super cute.
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2020
    Samantha ·
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    We’re definitely passing on those too!
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    We skipped the bouquet toss and definitely no garter, and we had both of my parents walk me down the aisle (one on either side) instead of just my dad. The bandleader simply introduced us by our first names when we made our entrance into the reception (but I chose to keep my last name so Mr. and Mrs. so and so wouldn't have worked anyway). We also made a very conscious decision when addressing our invitations to include the first names of all invited--not just the men! So, for example, instead of "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith," we did "Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith." I personally can't stand it when something is addressed to a couple but only includes the name of the man!

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  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
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    Since my mother raised me (plus siblings) as a single parent, she will be walking me down the aisle and dancing with me in a mother/daughter dance. We also are foregoing the giving away crud, garter and bouquet toss.


    We won't really be having wedding parties or flower girl or ring bearers. 🤷‍♀️ keeping it simple lol
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  • M
    Expert October 2021
    Megan ·
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    +1 to no bouquet or garter toss. Both my parents will be walking me down and we've even joked about asking the officiant to do the whole "who gives this woman to this man?" thing just so I get to say "Me" Smiley smile

    There are quite a few wedding traditions that are rooted in sexism, unfortunately, so I think it would behoove any couple to look everything up in order to be as informed as possible when creating their wedding!

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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    Definitely not doing the garter toss. Not sure about the bouquet toss yet.

    Also my fiance didn't ask my dad for permission before proposing.

    For me, there are some traditions that I think are fun, and while they may have a bad connotation, I don't think of it that way. For example, while I know being walked by my father down the aisle was a sign of him giving me away, I am still doing it because I'm very close to my dad and want that special moment between him and I. We will not have our officiant ask who is giving me away once we get to the end of the aisle though.

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  • Emily
    Super August 2020
    Emily ·
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    Yes! I agree. I do NOT like the garter or bouquet toss either.
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  • L
    Super October 2020
    Leslie ·
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    The part I want to skip (besides garter/bouquet toss) include you may kiss the bride. I prefer something like please kiss to seal this marriage-I’m working on that part. Cake cutting yes - no smashing in face. First dance yes. Groom and mom dance - no as he doesn’t want to. Im walking by myself down aisle with my bridesmaid first. I’m 61 years old but taking his name as I still use my ex-husband’s and this man is the love of my life.

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  • Mary
    Dedicated October 2020
    Mary ·
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    I'm keeping the bouquet toss, but it's not an actual bouquet toss. Instead, I'll be throwing a Baby Yoda plush! And children of ALL ages (adults too!) and ALL genders are invited to participate.

    There's no meaning to the Baby Yoda, just whoever catches it will just own a sweet Baby Yoda plush Smiley laugh

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  • Lainey
    Savvy August 2020
    Lainey ·
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    We are a same sex couple and both wearing dresses so a garter ross wouldn’t make sense but regardless yuck. Lol. Instead of bouquet toss we are give a bouquet away to the couple that has been married the longest which will be my fiancé’s grandparents who have been married almost 61 years ! We thought it would be a sweet way to honor their marriage.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    My hubby & I walked together (I was not “given away”), skipped garter/bouquet toss, we said “husband and wife” instead of “man and wife,” we were introduced as a married couple instead of “Mr & Mrs” because I kept my last name.
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  • Mrs.a
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
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    I’m working on the last name bit...either hyphenated or two parts. I suggested we come up with a new last name but he didn’t like the idea of that lol
    Other than that it’s really woven into the intentions of the vows, of the prayers and readings we’ve selected.
    Still thinking about the part of “I now pronounce you...” we can’t be a Mr.&Mrs. maybe just husband and wife.
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  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
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    We did a lot of the things mentioned already. I forget the exact way it was phrased but we did not say “now kiss the bride”, we celebrated our marriage with a kiss. We used first names for introductions, definitely no garter toss (ew), “person of honor” instead of a MOH because my best friend is a man but neither of us felt like his title needed to be based on his gender. We tried to make everything a genuine reflection of us as a couple and people and not focus too much on what is/isn’t traditional.
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  • S
    Devoted September 2021
    Samantha ·
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    I am walking myself down the isle. I can’t wait to wear white and have my partners last name!!!
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  • Katharine
    Expert July 2021
    Katharine ·
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    We'll do a bouquet toss, but skipping the garter toss. I agree that is horribly tacky and cringy. I'll be walking myself down the aisle, particularly as a second time bride.

    We've agreed to both change our last names. I didn't want to lose mine, but he wanted us to share a name. So we're both taking one of his hyphenated last names and adding it to mine.

    We're also doing a first dance and writing our own vows and ceremony with our officiant. I should be getting a first draft of the ceremony from her in the next few weeks.

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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    No bouquet toss or garter toss, I'm walking down the aisle solo, and I'm keeping my last name. We're having a friend officiate and no mentions of god, prayers, blessings, or religion. I'm wearing a white traditional wedding dress. All of this is the plan anyway - we might have to elope because of Covid-19.

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  • Belle
    VIP August 1997
    Belle ·
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    I kept and am keeping my name.
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