Feelings on Prenups

It is always going to be a tough thing to deal with a prenup, not matter the reasoning. That said, I would talk to your FH about it. Explain your fears and tell him that while you dont think you will ever need it, you'd feel better if there was one in place. You are not being crazy but you do need to make sure you are coming across in the appropriate way. I would also use this conversation to approach what should be on it so that he can have some input as to what topics would be good to cover or not cover. This should all help him to be less upset about it if this is something you really feel you need/want to do.

Not sure how a prenup would help with custody as they are not linked. In fact, you can't put custody issues in a prenup so in that sense it would be pointless to have one. It would only help in the event of a divorce. I know prenups are a very touchy subject so if you want one you are going to have to be very careful with how you word it to your fiance.

Has your FH been through a divorce before? I know it isn't going to be an easy conversation to have, but I would just tell him that given your experiences throughout your divorce with your ex-husband, you would feel much better if there was a prenup involved.

I would also make it a BIG point that it isn't just to protect you/your kids, but it would also protect him as well. If nothing happens to your marriage, it won't matter either way. But you've been down the road of how nasty divorce can be, so let him know that you want to do this for both of you.

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What I mean by custody issues is that when I was married previously I wasn't allowed to work. My ex made it clear that I had to stay home with my kids and raise them and that was my job. It came with a monthly "allowance" as my paycheck. Like I said not a good relationship at all. But because I didn't work it is playing into our custody battle even though I am working now. I spoke with my lawyer a little bit just to get information and they said having a clause in there about deciding to quit my job to raise children that it won't be used against me if we did god forbid to divorce. Does that make sense?

Not crazy at all. It’s not like anyone goes into a marriage thinking they might get divorced, yet plenty of people do. It’s just a safety net to protect yourself in the worst case scenario. Hopefully you never end up using it. And then assuming you never end up using it, then how did it hurt you to just have it? It’s an unpleasant topic, like no one wants to sit down and write their will either, but you have to prepare for the worst.

View Quoted Comment I would still think it could come into play as prenups are really only meant for divorce not custody.

Your number one job in life is to protect yourself and your children. Like PP mentioned, custody issues cannot be written into a prenup, but protecting your financial assets is also important. It may be a difficult conversation, but sometimes you have to have those.

We got a prenup and i have no regrets. it was a hard conversation at first but I gave him time to think about it and brought it up a month later. I had to reassure him that I had no intention of divorce but I saw it as more of an insurance policy just in case. eventually he was fine with it.

Let me edit something here. I know custody issues can not be put into a prenup agreement. However, protecting my financial assets in turn protects my children and their futures. That is all I meant by custody matters. That being said I appreciate everyone's feedback on this issue. I guess I just feel guilty for feeling the need to have a prenup as a way to protect mine and my kids' futures.

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Thank you for sharing! That makes me feel a lot better that it worked out in your favor.

When talking about marriage, I told my FH that I want a prenup...I obviously have no intention of getting divorced after we are married, but if we did, a prenup would not benefit me as he is the main "bread winner" and our home mortgaged in his name. My reason for wanting it is to prove that I don't care about the material things, or the money. More money can be made, things can be bought again, but I can never have another him.

He has been through a nasty divorce already because his ex-wife told him that if he made her sign a prenup that was him setting their marriage up for failure.(obviously with or without it was not going to work)

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Protecting yourself and your kids is super important! You never know what life will throw at you. Good luck!!

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See my FH said the same thing. That I am jinxing us or have doubt/trust in our relationship which isn't the case at all. I am the main "bread winner" in our relationship which fine cool whatever it has nothing to do with that I just want to protect both of us in case anything happens. I've been burned by the legal system in my divorce with my ex and I don't want that to happen again.

It is a touchy subject but I am thinking I want to do one as well because while none of us foresee getting divorced I have food some cases where after the fact if that person has that then the creditors are going to be calling you so it does not hurt to lease have something legally in writing in regards to your asset in the event you do divorce. Maybe just explain to him that it's just a financial stipulation because I know if my FHA and I were to divorce I don't want to be responsible for any debt he incurs while married and he shouldn't be responsible for mine.

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I don't blame you at all. It's so tough when our SO's don't understand/can't see why we do things that we do...then usually expect us to be 100% understanding when they do!

My fiance and I are doing a prenup. We want to take care of the unknown before we get married.

We are doing a prenup as well. Want to protect ourselves.

A prenup is always a good idea. You are trying to protect yourself and your children. You have a legitimate reason for wanting one. Obviously nobody who is about to enter a marriage wants to contemplate the marriage ending, but it is important just in case something happens. I think it would help to frame it as you want to protect him so he isn’t screwed later on. It sounds like he is resistant to the idea but I think given your experiences you should insist on it.

I am not a fan of prenups for the reasons you mentioned. I can definitely see why you would want one after your past though. I tend to do things differently after my past as well. Is your fiances past super clean? Has he been divorced? It may not be so bad to bring up! In fact, he may agree with you.
I struggle to being up things all the time with my fiance because I assume he will react a certain way. Most cases, he has been through something similar and can empathize. Just tell him your concerns! He may not take it well but all you can do is try.

I do not think you are crazy. My FH and I both agreed that we would have a Prenup before we even got engaged. My personal thoughts- you are creating a life together. It is easier to agree to decisions when you are happy. It’s a lot harder to agree to anything when you are not getting along. If for some ungodly reason things don’t work out, the prenup is an extra precaution to help things go a little smoother. I think to many people are negatively looking at prenups. Rather, they are really just a document to separate assets before the creation of life together.