Feeling guilty

I get what you're saying, but I say allow them to do something for you. It sounds like you're super considerate person for even thinking about everyone's personal situations. So they truly want to celebrate their great friend and the awesome things happening in her life. Just give them sweet thank you notes when the shower is over and a thoughtful bridesmaid gift in the end. Have fun!

I am like that too. Just try to understand SHE WANTS to do this for you.

To be honest the whole wedding has been hard for me. "its your day" and "its all about you", no no and no. I hate it when people say that. Its about FH and I yes, but also all our family and guests who are attending. I completely get what your saying.

I totally feel you, date twin. Sometimes it feels like people are going way too above and beyond for me and it feels like too much.

But this is what I have to remind myself: I am an adult and so are they. They have the power to make their own choices. If your SIL is feeling overwhelmed, she has the power to make the choice to step back from planning showers/weddings. YOU do not have that power for her. You can't take on responsibility for the choices (financial or otherwise) of other autonomous adults. That's just too much for YOU to take on.

Also remind yourself that even though you may not NEED a shower, you have people in your life who love you so much they WANT to make this happen for you--because you deserve it!

Spot on RATR

I totally understand! I have let all of my bridesmaids know all you are doing is buying your dresses. My mom is covering everything else. Only 1 of them has a high paying job that isn't paying off massive amounts of student loans.

I've been MOH a few times and from that viewpoint I have always loved throwing my friend the shower. Let them do it for you and enjoy it!

I felt the same way about my shower and bachelorette party. I got over it by just...getting over it haha. I don't know how helpful that is. I just made sure that my bridal party and family knew how thankful I was. I thanked everyone so much, said repeatedly that everything they were doing was unnecessary, and even apologized (unnecessarily) for "causing" them trouble and stress. Yet they insisted. Eventually I felt better knowing that I was so so grateful, and expressed that to them. When the time came, I really did just enjoy myself!

This is understandable. and Yes to everything RATR said. Also remember you are only (hopefully) getting married once. This is it. It's a one time thing. It's not like they are throwing you a birthday party every year. In friendships this is something you look forward to sharing with and doing for friends. Get them a nice thank you gift for putting the shower together.

Thanks girls. I'm sure it will be easier to let them do something so nice for me when it gets closer. RATR- YAY for being a date twin and you give great advice. Thank you

I had this feeling too. I let my bridesmaids know that I only expected them to get the dress and show up. Anything else was extra and they shouldn't feel compelled to participate if they couldn't. 2 of my bridesmaids are missing everything, but the wedding which I'm completely fine with as they'll have to travel as it is for the wedding itself. My bridal shower is actually being hosted online since everyone is so spread out.

I really struggled with this, too. My bachelorette party/bridal shower weekend is absolutely the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me and I couldn't help but this it was too much bother for little old me. But my friends didn't look at it that way.

I'll also add that I was the sole hostess of a friend's bridal shower and primary planner for her bachelorette party. Yes, it was expensive and stressful, but I was so happy to do it.

Your friends are giving their time, money, and energy freely to throw you a shower. Let them, and try to enjoy it.

I felt this way too! We didn't have a bridal party for this reason. We didn't want anyone to FEEL obligated to do things for us or spend money on us. My sister, cousin, and a couple of friends really wanted me to feel special and just spoil me with love b4 the wedding. I was really touched but also felt so guilty. My cousin explained to me how important I am to her and just wanted me to have this memory and enjoy being a bride. It's a special time in your life, and the people that care about you want to celebrate you! You have probably been there for them when they needed u so they want to be there for you and it's a happy thing! Now, I have very fond memories of my bridal shower but also, a lot of gratitude for the kindness of my family and friends. It just puts a smile on my face whenever I think about it! And that's what they wanted!

I felt this way too! We didn't have a bridal party for this reason. We didn't want anyone to FEEL obligated to do things for us or spend money on us. My sister, cousin, and a couple of friends really wanted me to feel special and just spoil me with love b4 the wedding. I was really touched but also felt so guilty. My cousin explained to me how important I am to her and just wanted me to have this memory and enjoy being a bride. It's a special time in your life, and the people that care about you want to celebrate you! You have probably been there for them when they needed u so they want to be there for you and it's a happy thing! Now, I have very fond memories of my bridal shower but also, a lot of gratitude for the kindness of my family and friends. It just puts a smile on my face whenever I think about it! And that's what they wanted!

Same here! And I keep offering for them to let me do SOMETHING to help but they are not having any of that! They tell me to relax and enjoy the attention lol