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Just Said Yes May 2022

Feeling extremely lonely…

Alyssa, on December 30, 2021 at 11:25 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 10

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In a time where a bride is supposed to feel loved and supported, I feel the complete opposite. I feel alone, like a burden, and overall just not happy. Now before anyone jumps down my throat, no this has nothing to do with my fiancé. He makes me feel loved and supported daily and I personally told him, I’ll take care of wedding details due to my type A attention to detail. This is coming from the fact that I chose bridesmaids that I thought were going to want to help and be invested. Be involved in some way shape or form. I’m not saying drop everything they’re doing, because yes, I understand they all have lives outside of my wedding plans. But goodness, there is soo much to do, think, and create… I would think the closest people to me would want to be somewhat apart of it. It’s frustrating because the last thing I want to come off as is a pushy, rude bride who forces an agenda and everyone hates dealing with her. I guess I’m just looking for some type of effort to help, and it’s extremely discouraging to not see it from anyone. Am I the only one with this problem? I guess any advice would help.

From a struggling bride who just wants a helping hand.

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Kristen, on January 7, 2022 at 1:30 PM

Champion December 2022
Michelle · on December 30, 2021 at 11:50 PM
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Welcome! So sorry you are feeling that way! It is pretty common for bridesmaids and other friends/family to not have an interest in providing input. It doesn’t mean they aren’t happy for you or that they aren’t looking for forward to your wedding, but they may not feel like it’s their place to contribute anything before the wedding day. For that reason, the forum here is so helpful. You can talk all you want about your plans and bounce ideas off of other brides without feeling like you’re overstepping or potentially straining a friendship.
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Jm Sunshine · on December 30, 2021 at 11:57 PM
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I am sorry you are feeling so alone in your planning. Have you thought of hiring a wedding planner or DOC? The only job of your bridesmaids is to get their dresses/shoes and stand by your side during your wedding. Your wedding is still nearly 1/2 year away and I'm sure with the holidays your bridesmaids have their own lives and families to tend to. Don't expect them to reach out to you. Not that it's their job, but have you expressed your stress/needs to them? There really is nothing much they can do this far out except get their dresses if they haven't already.
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Beginner July 2022
Cookie Rendo · on December 31, 2021 at 12:52 AM
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Yess!!!! Just have patience. I to felt just like that as well but im trying to understand thats its not there day its mine. In there world i guess its like what is she so excited and happy about??....umm my wedding day thats all..no biggie! Youd think your closest people would get that but then i think well alots happened the past 2 years with losses both personal and finanical and i understand life sucks for alot of people right now. What im trying to do is have a celebration of love and life that day, my day, our day! Laughter, love, and new beginings! A day everybody will have a good time! Just got to pump up the team my bride to be friend. Get the bull horn and butterflies and motivate! Oh..and Congrats have a awesome amazing wedding! Im excited for you and feel your pain!!! Dont ever let anyone take away from the day youve been dreaming about since you were a little girl!!! Cheers!
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Dedicated November 2021
Elizabeth · on December 31, 2021 at 12:00 PM
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Yes highly recommend getting a DOC, I didn't until about a month out which is really late, but once I did she offered 100% of what it sounds like you were hoping your BMs would do. I'll echo the comments that said your BMs shouldn't be expected to do much other than show up on time in the requested attire. As it gets closer some of them may be a little more into it, others probably won't be, so I would honestly just wait for them to ask you and otherwise assume it's up to you, FH and maybe a DOC to do the planning.
If your BMs or other friends/family ask you how wedding planning is going, say "actually I could really use your opinion on X, can I send you some photos?" Most people won't want to do any actual work for someone else's wedding, but I did find that most of my BMs had at least some interest in what I was envisioning and were happy to offer opinions if asked. I mostly just waited for them to come to me and only reached out to them if I had a specific question that I needed input on, and then I would usually text specific BMs who I thought might have an interest in that topic (was able to finalize my menu choices that way). A few of my BMs did ask specifically in the last month or two if there was anything they could do to help, but it was easier for me to do most of it myself or have my DOC do it - I'm also Type A and pretty introverted, so having to coordinate with too many people just stresses me out.
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Super March 2022
Candace · on December 31, 2021 at 6:23 PM
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Maybe what you really want is for them to be excited for you. But if every interaction with you is a request or an assignment, they may not want to come around because it's always "work". Planning a wedding is a project for you - it's not supposed to be a project for them. Pay a person whose job is to help you plan the wedding and go back to just being friends with your bridesmaids. Expect nothing from them and you won't be disappointed.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on January 5, 2022 at 9:22 PM
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Aw that sucks to feel that way. I don’t think it’s too uncommon, because that’s why these forums exist. Welcome!
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Devoted October 2022
Jennifer · on January 5, 2022 at 11:26 PM
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I’m sorry you are feeling that way. It does get overwhelming! I’m a very Type A person as well (kind of have to be with diabetes) and I honestly came in the mindset of I’m doing everything and not getting help from anyone. I’m also the kind of person that tries to do as much as I can ahead of time so when it does become overwhelming or I’m just tired of it, I can take a long break from it and still be ahead. Are there things you can delegate and pay someone else to do or are you DIY everything yourself? I am DIY a lot, but they are mostly like artsy/creative little touches I wanted to add. Like, I’m not touching florals with a 10 foot pole because that causes so much headache near the wedding if you’re going for fresh florals.
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Devoted October 2022
Jennifer · on January 5, 2022 at 11:31 PM
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Definitely get a DOC! MOC if you can afford it. I have no interest in coming up with the timeline or wrangling all the vendors. I booked all my vendors myself, then just gave all the info to my coordinator to “herd the cats” and to think about making sure the day goes smoothly. I know it’s hard to delegate as a Type A person, but definitely try to do it especially for things you don’t really find fun doing (for me that’s the timeline and dealing with vendor coordination).
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Dedicated October 2022
Juliana · on January 6, 2022 at 8:09 PM
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This is normal. My wedding party only does wedding stuff when I bring it up to them or ask. Its not their wedding and not high on their normal day to day priority, but I am sure when you ask for help they are not mad or feel like you are being pushy.
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Expert October 2021
Kristen · on January 7, 2022 at 1:30 PM
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My bridesmaids didn't really do much as far as "planning", but my sister, who was maid of honor, frequently asked if there was anything else she could help with, especially as we got closer to the time being. I think that was more her being a big sister rather than planning. What exactly do you need help with: invitations, vendors, etc.? Knowing what exactly you need help with would give a better idea of who to ask. If you're concerned about the fine details of logistics, and you're willing to make the investment, then maybe it is time to enlist the help of a wedding planner. Also, if I'm reading your date correctly, you're getting married this May, so with less than five months to go, I'm all the more curious of what is still left to be done.
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