Favoritized sibling having a baby the same week as my wedding

I don't think it's selfish to feel like that. You have every right to your feelings, and it sounds like they've existed long before the idea of a baby.

Do you feel comfortable speaking your concerns to your mom, or is it one of those things that's always been swept under the rug?

Last time I tried to discuss it with her she basically called me a horrible person for "attacking" her and our relationship was strained for 2 years. I had to have the "you really upset your mom" talk with my dad too. I can try but it will probably result in her not coming anyway.

Dont bring it up as a "you favor brother over me" kind of conversation. Just call her up and let her know that she means a lot to you, and how happy you are to be sharing your special day with you. You attract my flies with honey than with vinegar.

:/ It sounds like an honest conversation about how you feel might make her turn it into a personal attack like before. It's unfortunate, but some people are just selfish in that sense. Like Elle mentioned, maybe communicate how much you WOULD like her there and to help and then let her decide. But for your own sanity I would collect all the people in your life that will rally around you and focus your attention on them. Maybe your mom will get the point if you focus on the people who be there for you.

I hate to say it but my mom didn't seem to care much about being involved in my wedding until I started spending a lot of time having fun and planning with my FMIL.

Your future kids won't necessarily be unfavored. My uncle is my grandma's golden child - to an obnoxious level. But, I (my mother's daughter) am definitely the favorite grandchild.

I'm just venting I guess. If my mom chooses not to come our relationship will be over. There is honestly just not much to do about it. FH is very anti- favoritism and has cut a large part of his family out because of it. Brother is also a really good friend- we're very close. I know he'll stand up if it gets ridiculous. Now it's just the choice - have him tell the parents sooner or on Xmas. One way there will be time for it to sink in, the other I may get to talk about my wedding for a few days... FH won't be there this year because of distance but I will be dress shopping with bridesmaids over the vacation

I would bring the wedding up to your mom and see how it goes. I'm so sorry this isn't going as planned and I don't think it is selfish at all. if your mom isn't there you will still have a fabulous day with your husband! try and look at the positive.

Shannon, I understand your feelings and appreciate your candor. Personally, I wouldn't bring it up again. It's obvious your mother will only direct it back to you and may tell your brother what a horrible and jealous sister you are. If it were me, I would focus more on the people who are happy for me. I would keep her in the loop, but I wouldn't expect her to be excited.

If she doesn't show up for your wedding, don't let that ruin your day.

I hate to say it, but we have the family we are born with and the family that we choose. I would focus on the people that are supportive in your life and hope for the best with those who aren't. I don't think you're being selfish at all. If there is a history of obvious favoritism though, I would set your expectations accordingly.

That being said, it is still really early. Maybe the two events won't even collide.

"Let people be who they are. Not who you need or want them to be. When you do that, they can never hurt or disappoint you."

Unknown

I'm sorry this happened. It is really annoying and frustrating. You might feel better if you change your goal from 'having one day all to yourself' and instead focus on 'one day to marry my love and celebrate with friends and family. And assume your mother will be no help at all-- then you'll be really pleasantly surprised if she is.

My mom wasn't at all involved in the planning of my wedding, FMIL was however. I'm sure she won't miss your wedding for a birth, better to see the baby after they get home anyways. If she would do that, then that's really selfish. Don't focus on the negative before it even happens.

My mom did not attend my wedding because she thinks weddings are pointless. Trust me, it wouldn't be the end of the world.

I understand exactly. My mother passed away two years ago, but all my life my younger sister was her favorite despite the fact she is the biggest screw-up ever. If my sister had been having a baby I would have preferred my mom just stay with her because it's all she would have talked about before and during my wedding-seriously. My mother once came into a large amount of money. She took me out for a celebratory dinner and then the next day bought my sister a van. Yeah.

Monica- it seems similar to what I am going to expect. I am lucky I have a father to keep her grounded and tell her what's up. My brother and his girlfriend and my FH and I are all good friends. They were both in the wedding- now she can't be. No big deal. I understand and I know they feel bad about it. If I ask, my brother will keep her in check. He's fairly unaware of his privilege but loves me to the moon and back. He says he'll still come. We can't change our date because of a limited budget and a very sentimental venue- that is completely booked the rest of the summer. It will be what it will be. It's probably correct I can't talk to my mom directly but I can talk to my brother, sister and dad to get my point across indirectly (not classy, I know but it's sometimes all that works) I'm very successful and I have a great group of friends my in-laws love me and I so lucky. I just wish there was less anxiety. At least she won't care as much about the tattooed bridesmaid and the mister of honor. I just hope she will still do the cake topper and the calligraphy on the invites as promised. It would be great if she was able to talk to me about the wedding as well too, but I'm not holding my breathe. It will just need to be a shift in my point of view. Don't fully know the due date either. It could be 2 weeks before or 2 after. I just will need to get over it and move on.

Oh I totally hear you on that. I am the eldest of 2 and my entire life my little sister was not punished for doing bad things because she is little. The second I make a mistake, it was "You're older, you should know better!"". I put myself through college, living at home for just a couple years then on my own afterwards. I have college debt I am paying, credit card bills, renting a home while saving to buy, etc . Right after we got engaged, I went to my parents for a wedding talk regarding if they wanted to help. Originally I was promised $5k but wouldn't be til November (this month) and this convo was in Feb. So instead of keeping their word about helping their eldest daughter, they bought my sister a brand new car (well 2012, but practically brand new!), they are so happy she is dating a guy that is 25 years older than her and call me jealous (seriously?) when I say its not a situation I necessarily agree with, they got my dad a $1,800 paint job on his car he never drives, mom got some cosmetic surgery she says was essential to her health, which it really wasn't. Then when I come and say "Hey remember how you promised you would help with the wedding beginning this month?" I am responded with how they have no money and I shouldn't expect help on an expensive (which it is not!) wedding. Our family is almost half the accounted for guests and they are trying to say anything to get out of helping pay for anything. I'm spoiled, I'm self-centered, its not my money, so I can't tell them what to do with it, etc is what I have been hearing for months the second I ask about anything wedding related. It absolutely sucks. I know the relationship I have with my parents is damaged because of it. I can't help it, it just showed me where I stand in importance with their priorities.

Aw this sucks. I think your feelings are completely valid. I don't think it's selfish at all. SHame you can't even discuss it with your mom without her defenses going up. I agree with the girls here the lower you expectations are of her the less disappointed you'll be. No matter what you are marrying the love of your life and your day will be special.

I totally understand where you are coming from but this is the reality now - more than likely she will not even call you let alone show up on your wedding day if your brother and his GF have their baby on the same day. Long story short - we were given a "thank god you did not get married this year because it would have overshadowed our grand-baby's first birthday" speech. It is obvious who is the favorite child and despite the fact that FH and I have been together for 8 years, nothing will ever matter as much as his sister and her baby.

Brother said he will fly back if she's in labor. She's teeny tiny and it's her first child, so she'll be in labor for awhile. It's an hour flight or a 12 hour drive. They don't have a due date yet but it looks like a week or two before. I'm very happy for them. Maybe this will just be an opportunity for my mom to see how she's behaved (my sister will be upset as well as she is also trying to get pregnant) and maybe she will be forced to assess her attitude and adjust it. My brother and his SO (one of my good friends for 10 years) will keep her in check. If she doesn't come than I'll just lean more on the fantastic new family in gaining. But yeah, it's shitty. Thank you for not attacking me.