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Just Said Yes September 2020

Fathers Help

Jordan, on May 19, 2019 at 11:43 PM Posted in Planning 0 4

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Hello all! My big thing right now is that my parents are officially divorced as of this week, so of course my dad has money to pay each month. Plus he lives in Maryland and my mom and I are here, along with my fiancé. I have been looking at venues since the date we really want is less than a year and a half away... We found a venue we both really liked and I really fell in love with it, picturing our day there gave me all the feels. Sadly my dad, who said when I was born that he would pay to give me a magical day because him and my mom just went to the justice of peace. Long story short my fiancé and I just looked at a different venue because our date was booked at the other one. The problem I’m having is that he keeps putting it off and it’s stressing me out to no belief. He keeps saying that we don’t have that many people to invite(180~), the deposit should be refundable for the venue.. Has anyone else gone through this or have encouraging words to get through the stress that is eating me alive?!

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4 Comments

Latest activity by Renee, on May 20, 2019 at 2:52 AM

Master July 2019
Hannah · on May 19, 2019 at 11:47 PM
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You probably won't like to hear this, but your dad doesn't owe you a wedding. If he wants to contribute financially, great. However, unless he has outright said he will contribute recently (your birth doesn't count), then I wouldn't count on his financial support and plan the wedding you and your fiance can pay for.
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Super July 2020
D · on May 20, 2019 at 12:13 AM
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I would only plan for what you can afford as PP said. Or ask all of the parents what they would be willing to contribute. It's a tough conversation but an important one. No one is obligated to give anything so please let expectations go. Parents mean well and want their kids to be happy but sometimes they can't follow through no matter how much they want to.
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on May 20, 2019 at 12:57 AM
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Things change.
My parents planned to buy me a brand new car for college graduation but my dad got laid off while I was in college. I didnt expect a car after that.
Your dad is probably jaded on the whole marriage idea too. Divorces are expensive and leave you strapped for cash. (Just ask the couple I'm buying a house from. They're hardly getting anything out of the house after they pay off the loan, and then they have to split it.)
Start saving money and put together a wedding you and your fiance can afford.
Unless you rent from a unicorn, your venue deposit is not refundable.
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Super October 2020
Renee · on May 20, 2019 at 2:52 AM
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Sounds like he might be tight on money. Especially if he has to pay your mom money every month. This could be more stressful to him than it is to you. Possibly embarrassing. Have you tried sitting down and talking to him, just the 2 of you? If you've talked to him with your FH around, it might be even more embarrassing for him. And like others have suggested, have you talked to your mom? Or your future in laws? Asked them if they're pitching in at all? Or is there a reason why this all falls on your father? That doesn't seem fair to him. Better yet, have you and your FH talked about what you could afford?
However, if there is no financial reason, I'd sit down with him and ask him why he's putting things off and express that it's stressing you out
Agreeing with the other posts, you and your fiancé might end up paying for this yourselves. It's your wedding after all. This is part of being an adult
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