Fatherless bride

I am so sorry for your loss. All of that sounds very painful. First, set aside any feelings of obligation to have a large party because of that shower. Your loved ones threw you a shower because they love you and not to make you feel guilty.

Second, many people say not to make big decisions when you are grieving. It's very difficult to untangle your feelings and figure out what you really want when you are hurting. Can you put the November plans on hold and revisit the decision in a couple months? Or cancel those plans now and trust that you will know when the time is right to begin planning your celebration again.

You may find you and your husband feel like celebrating next spring. Or you may find you both feel satisfied with the wedding you had in April and you don't need another celebration. Either is fine, but make sure you let your husband support you through your grief and these decisions. Navigating a new marriage through mourning and depression is difficult, but if you lean on him, it will help you both.

All of my love to you. Truly. The loss of a parent is life-changing.

I say this only to show where my advice comes from: I lost my father last year to cancer. While every relationship is unique and special, I do empathize and understand where you are.

You are not obligated to host anything you do not want. A surprise shower was thrown out of love for you. I am sure those who hosted it would never want you to feel that you were required to do anything in return for it. They did it because they love you and wanted to do something special for you. Consider it a gift - and gifts do not have strings attached.

While all grief is different, I feel you are in what I call "the lonelies". I found this happened about three months after I lost my dad as well. When a loss is new, everyone stops the world to comfort you, but now that has dropped off (no more phone calls to ask how you're doing, no more casseroles at the door) and ironically it's when you need it the most, because this is the time when reality of your loss has set in. For me, this time period was the most pronounced and painful, because the distractions were all gone, no one else really understood how I was feeling, and all that was left was sadness.

Know this: you don't have to make any decisions right now. There is no emergency. Allow yourself time. You may feel differently later. You may even find that this fall, you would like to celebrate on your one-year anniversary. But you may find that you truly don't want to do anything else - and that is also absolutely okay.

Everyone who loves you knows you have experienced something that has changed everything for you. If you have sent STDs or anything, you can simply let everyone know that things are on hold - you don't need to send anything formal. If you haven't sent anything out, just answering as people ask - "we aren't sure if we will be celebrating or not" - is sufficient.

For now, give yourself the space to grieve. There will always be time for celebration, when and if you feel up to it. And if you don't, that is 100% okay, too.

My sincerest condolences.