Father-in-law as Gandalf?

I’m sorry girl but I think that is absolutely hilarious and you should just go with it. This is your father in law so if he chooses to do that how does it affect you? Isn’t your relationship with him more important that what some people you will have limited contact with in the future in the church think of HIM not YOU that day? I think a big mistake many brides make is trying to control everything and I’m sure your worries could be much better spent on other things. Laugh about it!

View Quoted Comment You are correct on so many fronts! It is about HIM and not little me. I iust can't help but wonder what the Priest will think....

View Quoted Comment Haha yeah I know you feel that way. I’ve been there thinking about every little thing and how it seems so important. But he has definitely seen weirder than that believe me! Wedding planning can be stressful but one of the more important things to be aware of is how important it is to gain a positive relationship with his family afterwards. They are going to be there for a while. Lol.

It really doesn't matter what a priest would think. The priest isn't marrying you and your FFIL. Your FFIL is using a mobility device that works for him. As an OT, I would be over the moon if my client found a device that helps them and is "cool" enough that they'll remain compliant. Also once he gets used to one mobility device it could be a little dysregulating to have him switch to a cane for just one day.

Your FFIL should feel free to be his unique self. In the same vein that it's uncool to ask someone to cover tattoos or remove piercings, it's uncool to ask your FFIL to change his mobility device on the off-chance a priest maybe might give some side-eye.

The priest is going to worry about making sure that you and your FI are truly prepared for marriage, and that the ceremony is appropriately reverent. He's not going to worry a lot about your guests, and certainly isn't going to worry about the appearance of their mobility devices. This is something you don't need to be concerned about.

If a staff makes him feel better about himself than a cane does, then he should go for it! Who cares what anyone else thinks

Sorry, do you mean he is dressing as Gandalf OR do you mean he is using a staff and you are CALLing him Gandalf ?

If he’s dressing as Gandalf, yeah, that’s a little over the top and I could see being upset about it.
If he’s just using a non traditional mobility device because it makes him more comfortable, you’re the one being over the top and need to get over yourself . He’s doing what he can to get himself down the aisle at his child’s wedding— that is important. This isn’t a costume, this is his ability to get around. Not a place for name calling.

Apologies if I’m coming off as uppity, I don’t mean it that way. I can relate a bit as my BIL who was in our wedding has trouble walking and could always benefit from the assist of a cane. But he is so outrageously opposed to the stigma of a cane that he refuses the help a lot of the time and struggles through. If we could find *anything* to make his mobility a little easier that he may be willing to embrace, we’d be thrilled. Part of this is simply about reclaiming the narrative, and is likely where his head is at. Canes show disability, but a staff, a staff shows wisdom and suggests respect rather than showing weakness. It’s NOT about making a spectacle of your wedding, but about finding the best way to get by. The only effect the staff will have on your wedding day as a whole is making your FIL more confident. I just don’t see anything at all harmful in that.

unless of course he is fully dressing up as a wizard...then you have a different issue on your hands.

View Quoted Comment It has nothing to do with him being more comfortable. And everything to do with ego. If it had anything to do with being comfortable and taking care of himsrlf then he wouldn't still be carrying 75 lb objects by himself.

If it is indeed a costume/dramatic walking stick/cane, whether needed to walk or not, the priest may not allow him in the processional

i would makes sure I had a picture of it when you meet with the priest to discuss it with him. If the priest says no, at that point it’s not defying authority, it’s he will not be allowed, period. If the priest allows it, just go with it.
I would ask about it before hand, you don’t want to be caught off guard on the wedding day.

When my dad had his hips replaced I got him a silver tipped opera cane. Dapper as Hell! You could also get him a cane sword. My dad wanted one of those, but they're illegal in Baltimore.

I can't imagine the officiant telling my father he couldn't use his mobility device 😳 and while it may not be physically more comfortable as one of your comments suggest, if it makes him feel more at ease having to use a mobility device who cares 🤷🏼‍♀️ if he thinks it makes him look cool, who cares 🤷🏼‍♀️ I just feel like unless it was phallic in shape it's really no one's business what the man uses to walk with.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! That was most helpful! 🙏🙂

View Quoted Comment That is true....

View Quoted Comment Now that is really cool!!

View Quoted Comment He got a TON of compliments on it. He doesn't want to feel or look old either. Ego.

This is my future uncle in law. He is one of four brothers that were priests in the Catholic Church. (He and one brother aren’t priests anymore but he is still active in the church.) His wedding attire is a bit much, and you can’t really see his staff here very well, but he had it. He often has some crazy staff. You can also see the Santa hat poking out of his back pocket. Weddings, funerals, birthdays, he breaks out hats for everyone in the family to wear. Not in the actual church, but after. The one priest uncle that will be marrying us if his health is good drinks beer and plays poker. They’re human. They have a sense of humor. It’s going to be fine!

View Quoted Comment Where did you find it, if I may ask?

View Quoted Comment That is awesome! I guess I have been over reacting...

View Quoted Comment Ummmm...you’re a bride to be. You’ve got to freak out about something! 😂😂😂
My boss gave me some advice-know and expect something is going to go wrong, and when it does let it go. Her cake was delivered-it was a Mad Hatter cake in colors like black purple and orange. Turns out her order form was stuck to a Quincenara form-her info on front, 15 year olds order on back. Somebody had to run to grocery store and have them do up a cake. Eight years later she’s happily married with three beautiful boys. I hope I’m as calm as she was when my turn comes.