Father daughter Dance....Father or Step-Father...who to dance with first?

My father was invited to my daughters 1year bday which he never showed because his wife didn't want him to come, so she got drunk on purpose.

When my FH purposed to me I knew right away I would have problems...I'm having my step-father walk me down the aisle because he's always been there for me..he pretty much raised me (minus the fact that I resented him in H.S), and what he did back then I realize was to see me succeed and better myself.

Anyway...my mother does not want me to invite my father...she does not want him walking me down the aisle (she says he doesn't deserve to), and she doesn't want him to dance with me at all when it comes to father daughter dance.

But I feel bad for my father....I don't want to not include him...so I'm trying to decide to have him dance with me first or dance with my step father first....since my step father will be walking me down the aisle.

Either way I know I'm going to be hurting someone feelings, just thinking about it makes me tear up.

****my father (just fyi) does not know I'm getting married due to the fact I don't know how to break it to him, that he wont be walking me down the aisle****

My father has been there for me when I was in financial help, and I would see him occasionally before I got pregnant. But after my daughter was born, the only time I saw him was when we would accidently run into each other at a store.

The thing is I want to dance with both of them. I love them both. Its just having to decide who to dance with first is what kills me. My mom says if I dance with my father first, it may hurt my step dads feelings. But if I dance with my step dad first, I know my father would hurt as well, due to my step dad walked me down the aisle as well.

Heck I don't even know if my father will even attend my wedding because he no longer lives on the same island as I do, and that's because his wife and him decided to move away. And not to mention she did get herself drunk on purpose so he wouldn't attend my daughters 1st bday. She is really jealous of me for some reason I cant figure out.

I have a pretty shitty relationship with my dad. We've gone several years at a time not speaking. My stepdad has been 100% behind me since I was 11. Both of them are walking me down the aisle and I'll be dancing with my dad first then my stepdad. If my mom had it her way, my dad wouldn't be included at all, but he's still my dad and even though he's a giant manchild I love him.

It's not up to your mom and your stepdad has to understand and accept what ever you choose to do. My dad was in my life first, so he dances first. My stepdad gets an uber sappy love song that's going to make me cry and has been heavily included in a day where stepdads usually take the back seat. Go with your heart and stand by your decision. Even if they don't understand, they love you and will support you as much as you let them.

It sounds like you have a better relationship with your step dad. I think you should dance with your father first but have a conversation with your step dad about it. Sounds like your step dad will be more understanding of the tough decision you have to make and it won't impact your relationship as much as it would impact your relationship with your father if you put him second.

You get to do what you want, you can't make everyone happy. My dad & step dad walked me down the aisle, but I don't have any issues with either of them. I love them both dearly and am just blessed to have 2 men I call dad. I danced with my dad first and then my step dad. No ones feelings where hurt and all I know they where both just happy to have that moment with me. The only thing my dad did that my step dad didn't is he gave the welcome speech at the reception because he is my dad and he paid for most of the reception. My mom and stepdad helped but arent as financially well off as he is.

In the end do what makes you happy!

I have a similar situation with my "Dad" and Step-Dad. Except I really have basically no relationship with my dad at all. For a while I was going to have him & my mom walk me down the aisle and then I was going to dance with both of my parents. My Step-dad has talked to my mom when FH & I first got engaged and told her (and then told me) that he did not want my "dad" to start drama so he did not expect or want to walk me down or have a special dance with me. It made me really sad at first but I recognized that he was pulling himself out b/c he knows the kind of Man-Child my dad is and wanted to do whats best for me & FH on our day.

Welp my dad reverted to his old ways (after a few months of acting like a good dad) so I decided that he's not walking me down or getting a special dance with me at all. Like your mom said, he doesnt deserve it. He didn't put in all the work to raise me & my siblings, that was my Mom and then my step dad when he came into the picture. My mom is going to be walking me, and I will be doing a Mother Daughter dance with her. I've asked my Step dad to do a reading during the ceremony and also do the blessing over dinner if our Pastor doesnt come to the reception.

When I was considering including my dad in everything my mom suggested dancing with him first since "technically he was there first" then having my Step dad take over half way through. Clearly now I wont be doing that but maybe explain that if your dad goes first it will allow for you & your step dad to have a nicer moment after you get the part with your dad done?

Either way, like CK said, you dont have to dance with anyone you dont want to. It your decision and they should all respect what you choose to do. But I can totally understand your anxiety, I still havent told my dad he's not walking or dancing with me, and I know its going to be a huge drama when I have to.

So I obviously don't know you or your situation. But based solely on this post, it sounds like you want to dance with your step-father first but feel bad for your father.

I think you should dance with your step-father first if that's who you feel closest with.

If stepdad is walking you down the aisle, dance with bio dad first (you can say he was in your life first). It is all compromise.

If bio dad does not show up, you just go directly to dance w/stepdad.

Thank you all for the comments and feedback. Its nice to have an outside opinion.

Anyway to answer Samantha, I wanted to have both my step-father and father walk me down the aisle however when I put thought into it and asked the FH what he thought, he said he didn't want my father to be apart of it at all (walking me down the aisle)....mainly because whenever we do see my dad he would act as if my FH wasn't there (No hello, no conversation, etc.) it was just awkward...my FH said he wouldn't feel that receiving me from my dad would be special because he doesn't have all that respect for him. That, that was also the reason why he asked my step-father permission for my hand. It would actually mean something to my FH that my step-father be the man to give me away.

Anyway, I know I have to sit down with my step-father and have a conversation about the dances just to make sure he understands and he wont feel hurt knowing that I've made a decision to have my dad included in the first dance (my dad wasn't really nice to him when I was younger...being that my mom and him broke up and my step father stepped in...it was like a battle, they never liked each other to begin with).

Just my battle to come would be having to face my father and tell him that I'm getting married and he won't be walking me down the aisle but there is a dance in there reserved for him. I just don't know how he'll respond...knowing my father he doesn't think before he says things and sometimes he can lash out in anger...which I hope he doesn't because that would really hurt me...not to mention if that would be his attitude I don't want that on the day of.