Family upset about bridal party

When I told her it was fine and that I would just have two flower girls and two ring bearers she not only mentioned that my other siblings might be upset about not being in the wedding. She also guilted me into adding them to the bridal party and then stated "well you didn't have to do that if you don't want" but in such a negative tone

Have you considered not having a bridal party? I know it's tradition and you are totally justified in choosing/not choosing whomever you want, but if you are having a small wedding anyway you could just not have any bridal party at all.

FH and I are pretty set on having a bridal party. We are only inviting immediate family to the weddingother than our bridal party and both of our bridal parties are our dearest friends who we can't imagine the day without.

What if you don't have the ring bearer and just keep your step-daughter as the flower girl?

Your step daughter, like you said, is not "FH's family," she is yours now too, so she shouldn't count in your mom's logic. I can see where your mom may think also having his nephew in the wedding party would be "choosing side" (my mom would pull the same shit), so maybe just forgo a ring bearer all together if you want to please her.

YEP. I chose ZERO family except for my sister so that no one can say so and so was chosen over another.

It sounds like your mom is being a little unreasonable and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I agree with your pick as FHs daughter gets the spot over a sibling every time. If you want to add your sister do so but not just cuz your mom complained. I also think you could include some but not all. With a family that large obviously there are siblings you are closer to.

Also, I remember being a 9 year old girl and I thought flower girl sounded like the coolest thing ever. I was dying to be one (my day never came) so that may also be where your momis coming from. Your sister may be hurt and crying to your mom about how upset she is...

My sister doesn't even know yet. We haven't officially talked to anyone about the wedding party other than just said things in passing to my mom. This is why I'm frustrated. I know it would be awesome to include my sister as a fg but once again, my mom now expects everyone to be included... not just my young siblings. FH has a sister who is the same age as my sister so I also feel bad if we include my sister and not his. It's just been a whole big thing.

The more I read your posts, the more I think you are just too concerned with other people. I get not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, but at some point you and your FH have to do what YOU want to do. (Obviously taking your guests comfort into account). But as far as the guest list, bridal party, etc.--you and FH make a decision, and stick with it. Don't even discuss it with anyone else.

I just hate being guilted into doing things. Especially when we hadn't even decided on anything 100% other than my stepdaughter. It's been a battle on everything. My mom was originally so supportive but I think now she's struggling to see that FH and I and my stepdaughter are a family now too. Anytime we have to miss anything due to stepdaughters visitation schedule it's a guilt trip.

I think the best option is to have no ring bearer, and just include your soon to be step daughter as the flower girl. Then it is only your new family that is involved (and your closest friends as the BM/GM).

When it comes to bridal parties, I don't let anyone tell me what to do. I'm choosing who I envisioned in my head and that's that. They'll get over it.

This whole thing has become about other people and it's so frustrating. This is FH second wedding, my first. I get so stressed out and he always says, we could always elope. Some days I want to agree, but I've always wanted a wedding with my family.

What I don't understand is why she is saying "you are choosing his family over your own."

Girl she will be your daughter, regardless of blood or paper. You are not choosing his family, you are putting your own above anyone else (which is what you are supposed to do.) Would she have had a fit if this were your biological daughter? The answer is probably not. The same thing applies here. You are her mother, good job sticking up for your daughter.

You guys are making a family. You, your FH and your (step) daughter. You should be choosing that family over your own. Your Mom is going to need to understand that.

What about having bouts for your brothers and little corsages for the sisters. Make them feel special, but short of being in the wedding party.