Family upset about bridal party

You can't please everyone. It seems like a really nice thing to have your stepdaughter be the flower girl. I say go with what you want, because only you should pick your wedding party members.

Ultimately, it's okay for you to have whoever you want be your flower girl. However, if you'd like your sister to be as well you could have two flower girls. I'll have two, both my Future nieces.

That's something I'm considering, but I wanted to do something to atkeast set my stepdaughter apart from my sister. I strongly believe that I'm not only gaining a husband, but a daughter as well and want it to really be about the three of us.

I tried putting my foot down but my mom accused me of choosing FH family over my own. What she is failing to see is that FHs daughter will be my daughter too so it's not choosing his family vs my family. Just so very frustrating.

I was going to ask my brother to be a ring bearer originally. He's only about 2.5 years older than my stepdaughter. This would have been fine but then it was an issue that I was choosing one sibling and not all of them. So I decided to just have stepdaughter as flower girl and possibly FH nephew as ring bearer to avoid picking one sibling. FH and I both have siblings ranging from age 6 to age 40 so it's impossible to include everyone.

As previous posters mentions, you could very well have more than one flower girl. I am. But that doesn't seem to be your issue. Maybe you can include your sister in another way? Carrying a sign or a candle? Handing out programs? Train conductor? Reader? If there's no role for her then your family is just going to have to accept your wishes.

The biggest issue is that one sibling being included was doable. No problem. But it came down to wanting them all included. FH has an 8 yr old sister who also wanted to be a flower girl but we decided that would be too much. Mom wants me to include 6 yr old brother, 9 yr old sister, 13 yr old brother, 18 yr old sister, 19 yr old sister, and 19 yr old brother.

My mom had been trying to force me to include FHs sisters as my bridesmaids. While they are very nice, I still don't know them very well. I even asked my FH if he would like me to include them and he was pretty firm about not wanting that. My mom thinks it will "unite" FH and his siblings more since they've had some strained relations growing up. She even went so far as to ask one of my FSIL in front of me if she was going to be a bridesmaid! I had to interrupt the convo and assert that I've already picked out my girls. Luckily my mom and I have always been very close and I was very upfront and had a convo with her about boundaries. I told her that ultimately, our BP are mine and FHs decisions. She definitely understood after that. I also see where she is coming from and would not have minded including the girls, but FH really doesn't want any of his 4 siblings involved and I have to respect his decision.

It sounds like your family is probably concerned that your sister may feel excluded. Maybe she can be the ring bearer instead? There's nothing wrong with having a girl as a ring-bearer! That way the two girls can have individual roles.

I also have a 6 year old brother who they want included. It just seems that nothing I do is a good enough compromise.

It's only fair that you choose whomever you want to be in your bridal party and your stepdaughter as a flower girl seems like the best choice since she's 3.5 y-o. It's his wedding too, he has the right to include his family.

You have to be firm because if you want to have a small party both of your big families won't be able to participate. Whatever you do, is always nice to have both yours and FH's side participation. ETA: words are not my friends tonight.

My FH and I are including all our siblings (my 2 brothers as FH's groomsmen and his 3 sisters + my own as bridesmaids) plus all nieces and nephews as flower girls and ring bearers (2 girls, 3 boys). I didn't want anyone to feel left out so we made it a point to include everyone but obviously everyone has different priorities and ultimately it's your decision.

I would love to be able to do that but I am not super close with any of my siblings and FH is not close with my brothers. We also have to fit ourselves, our bridal party and our officiant in this small fenced in area in the barn converted church so it makes things right

I say just stick with your original plan and just have your step daughter. It seems like having her as your flower girl has way more significance as it represents her becoming part of your family and vice versa. Your siblings are already your family and it sounds like it's the adults who have a problem, not them. They will just have to deal with it!

ETA: spelling

Yes my sister is mad cause I didnt put my niece or my nephew in my wedding.my feelings on that is oh well

I just hate that it's looked at as choosing FH family over my family because in all reality FH and I are starting our own family with stepdaughter. It's not choosing one side or the other. I'm just not sure how to get that across

I think you should just be upfront with them and say just that! You're not choosing sides, you're just celebrating the fact that you now have a husband and daughter! They will just have to get over it because this is not about them. It's actually pretty rude to impose upon someone's choice of who to pick for their BP like that. You really don't even owe them an explanation.

The way u can include them is by having them as hostess,ushers, maybe carry a sign.in charge of programs or gift table.

If you try to keep everyone happy, you'll drive yourself insane. I'm not exaggerating.

Lesson learned for life in general, not just wedding planning: you can't make everyone happy so figure out how to make yourself happy.

Thank y'all for advice! I was so caught off guard when my mom got upset because a week earlier she was talking about how it's my day and not everyone is gonna be happy with what choices I make in things so I need to just remember it's my day and be happy.

If you invite them to the wedding, they're included. Bingo. The only person who has to feel good about the BP is you and your FH. Discuss it once and let it go.