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Kylie
Beginner July 2020

Family trying to invite more people. Help!

Kylie, on January 3, 2020 at 9:52 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 35
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Hey all! Me and my FH are slowly getting RSVPS from people to our wedding. I made a point to put in each person's invite that they either have 1 or 2 seats reserved. Well one of my FH family members (who he isn't really close too) has responded that she will go but expects to be able to ALSO bring her fiancè and 3 kids. Even though I told her she only had 1 seat. How do I tell her that we can't allow that? Again we aren't hugely close and are limited on seats for our venue.



Please help!!

35 Comments

Latest activity by Stephanie, on January 8, 2020 at 2:20 PM
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    I mean, you can tell her no kids, but it’s pretty rude to not have invited her fiancé to begin with...
    • Reply
  • Kylie
    Beginner July 2020
    Kylie ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    We didn't even know she had a fiancé. We haven't seen her in years. We can't invite people that we don't know exist.
    • Reply
  • Suzie
    Super October 2020
    Suzie ·
    • Flag

    Couples are usually invited together, so I can understand the pushback on that one. It’s pretty bad etiquette to invite someone and not their significant other. Her three kids, however, are a different story. Your FH can let her know you are unable to accommodate the children due to seating restrictions, but that you both hope she can still make it. I get not wanting to waste seats with someone’s partner that you are not close to, but if you decided to invite her, her fiancé should be included. How would you feel if your FH was invited to a wedding but you weren’t?

    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag

    Maybe you will eventually get a decline and have extra room for her fiancé. As for the kids, I would just inform her that space is limited and all seats have already been accounted for.

    However… it’s interesting to me that twice in your post you mentioned that this person “isn’t very close” to the point that you didn’t know she was even engaged. Wow... seems like a person who shouldn’t have been invited. 😬 Lol!!! Hopefully it works out and you’ll have some space for her and her fiancé
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Expert July 2020
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    I personally would have included someone’s kids and their fiancée but I guess I can understand the limited seats then. But you must be somewhat close to be able to send an invite to them and have their address, however , I’d just simply say that the fiancée is welcomed but due to limited the kids aren’t able to attend but if their is extra seating (meaning someone can’t attend) you’d let them know.
    • Reply
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Oh that makes sense. Well in that case I’d just tell her the truth... you would’ve invited her fiancé but you didn’t know about him, and you’re already maxed out on seating. If people decline and you end up having more space you’ll let her know
    • Reply
  • W
    Expert September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    Tell her NO on the kids and we'll squeeze in the fiance, didn't know you had one, congrats!
    Hopefully she does not come. The nerve of some people!
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith Online ·
    • Flag
    First of all, it is extremely rude to not invite someone else's fiancé, spouse, or person they are committed to. Whether you ever met them or not. Your mistake, which you must fix by offering an extra seat. His kids, no, but definitely invite fiancé, or the other half of any established couple. Say it was an oversight, you did not mean to be rude . But others who want to add on friends or family members, feel free to say, I am sorry, we invited you but do not have room for others. ( Don't say you can't afford it, because then they offer money ) . And don't feel bad about it. You are not responsible for other people's childcare, or the mother who lives with them, or people's buddies. Unless something truly exceptional. Like someone had a stroke, or recent surgery, and needs mobility, toileting help, gets an aide, real need. Not, I will enjoy the wedding more with this other person there, stuff.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith Online ·
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    True. That is an unintentional error you can fix by inviting the person now. There is always someone you have not seen , with a new SO, or you invite a husband you did not know divorced , and there is a new partner.
    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2021
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    I would just explain to her that you were not aware that she had a fiancé, and that you would be happy to squeeze him in. However, you simply will not be able to accommodate the children. Either they will understand and will get a babysitter for the evening, or they will decline & you will have extra seating (yay! Lol)
    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Master January 2021
    Andrea ·
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    Perfectly put, Chrysta!

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  • M
    Devoted September 2019
    Meaghan ·
    • Flag
    I agree with the others. Not inviting the fiance was an etiquette breach. Now that you know he exists you need to find a spot for him.
    Are you having no kids at your wedding? If no kids are invited then you can say that as explanation for why her kids weren't included. If other kids are invited then I can understand why she assumed you also made an oversight there. I would definitely try to squeeze the kids in if others are bringing their kids
    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Rockstar October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Completely agree with this.

    • Reply
  • M
    VIP September 2019
    Mrs. Bubba ·
    • Flag
    If she’s engaged, then the Fiance’ must be invited. Whether that person attends or not is up to them.


    If it’s a child care issue, then they need to arrange a play date, hire a Sitter, or the Fiancé stays with the kids.
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP September 2019
    Mrs. Bubba ·
    • Flag
    This is 1️⃣ of the reasons that some of my co-workers were NOT invited.
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP September 2019
    Mrs. Bubba ·
    • Flag
    I didn’t want their spouses there.
    • Reply
  • Cassidy
    Beginner October 2020
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag
    If the wedding is planned to be adults only, start by contacting and letting her know that. Then maybe you can let her have the plus 1 to feel comfortable. Then there is a happy medium. With being nice about it, you have done what you can. She may decide not to come at all.
    • Reply
  • Mackenzie
    Beginner August 2020
    Mackenzie ·
    • Flag
    I would just say that there is not enough room. That you only planned for X amount of people.
    • Reply
  • S
    Devoted October 2020
    Stephanie ·
    • Flag
    I would honestly tell her straight up that there is only a seat for her, she can come or not. No one has time for that nonsense.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith Online ·
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    Sometimes it does come down to this, parties or weddings. Unless they are abusive to spouse or hosts, or violent, or criminal, you really should invite both halves of a couple, or neither. But yeah, there are people I dislike or don't want in my house so much, I end up not inviting the person I care about, because I won't invite their spouse/ SO. And see the friend only at non couples things, alone. But I don't do it for minor things, just, I don't much like him stuff. So somewhere underneath, I think there is a not nice part of me that says, my friend should not tolerate this behavior, and does nothing about it, so her missing out on people's parties, cookouts, whatever, is partly her own fault. ☹️ But it makes me feel bad, even if I think it is the right thing.
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