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Cassandra
Beginner December 2020

Family that assumes they are invited...

Cassandra, on May 1, 2020 at 12:45 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 38
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Hey everyone, hope you all are staying safe! It almost seems small and silly to be worrying about this right now, however it was recently brought to my attention so I am almost thankful to focus on something else these days. I am a front line nurse so I welcome the distraction.


We are a December wedding. And here is my dilemma. We sent out save the dates before everything went crazy, back in February. My dad has 2 brothers and a sister in law that I have no relationship with whatsoever. I came to know my dad and his family when I was 18 (currently 29). So I formed relationships with some of his family and didn’t with most. They weren’t put on the guest list, despite being told they should be invited out of respect for my dad. Now when I say no relationship I mean I haven’t seen them in years and we don’t speak AT ALL. I don’t even have their phone numbers.
So my cousin who I am close with recently asked me if they were invited because the wife of the brother kept worrying about her not getting a save the date. I replied no they weren’t and she then told me the sister in law said it will be weird if they aren’t invited.. I try to be pleasant and fair but to me it makes no sense. We are paying for every penny of this wedding. Keeping it under 100 and wanting only close people at the wedding. The only reason the number has gone close to 100 is because almost everyone has a significant other.
I don’t feel anyone should get an invite “just because...” for whatever reason. Am I being unreasonable? I would like honest opinions. Also I should note when I initially brought this to my dad he said he was perfectly okay with my decision, then just the other day he now said I should invite them. I’m leaning towards not inviting but would like brides opinions!!!
Thanks in advance! Sorry it’s long, stay safe everyone!

38 Comments

Latest activity by Kayse, on May 6, 2020 at 2:56 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    You shouldn't invite anyone to your wedding that you don't want there.

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  • Ciera
    Savvy May 2020
    Ciera ·
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    I agree. It’s your day
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  • Autumn
    Devoted July 2020
    Autumn ·
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    We didn't even give people a plus one unless they were already in a committed relationship to the point that we have met their significant other (aka no one is allowed to bring a random date/stranger. It is at our parents property and we wanted only people we love/trust to be there). It's your wedding, do not feel pressured to do anything but what you want including who you want to be there!

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  • M
    Expert October 2021
    Megan ·
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    While this^ is actually a not-so-great way to go about things (you're asking people to come and honor your relationship... you should honor theirs, no matter if you've met them or not)

    OP, you're more than fine. You have zero relationship with these people and it would not be "weird" when you don't invite them. Don't invite them.

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  • Chelsea
    Expert July 2021
    Chelsea ·
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    Family that assumes they are invited... 1
    Just did this the other day for my guest list!
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  • Kate
    Expert October 2020
    Kate ·
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    Considering the fact that you’re paying for the entire wedding, I don’t see a reason to invite them, especially if you feel so strongly about it. It would be different if your parent(s) were helping. There’s no relationship, don’t feel compelled to invite out of respect. There are so many other ways to show respect. I would NOT want that type of entitlement at my wedding!
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  • Kate
    Expert October 2020
    Kate ·
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    This chart is really helpful. There’s a ton on Pinterest!
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  • A
    Savvy August 2020
    Amanda ·
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    Don't invite them! And more importantly, don't engage with discussing that with people. It's really hard, but you need to get used to saying "this is how it is" and "we're not discussing this". People think they're entitled to tell you what you "should" do with your own wedding, but in reality it's really not their place to comment on it.


    I ran into this issue as well, because my wedding is going to be >50. I just told people "we have to keep it really small, so we couldn't invite everyone". Remember, this isn't up for a group debate, this is a decision on you and your partner have a say in.

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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    I'm 100% with you. Inviting people you have no relationship with because of some shared ancestry is ridiculous. If you and your partner are paying entirely for your wedding, then you two get to choose every detail. If you want to wear a purple dress and have a mullet you get to, and if you don't want to invite distant aunt so-and-so you don't have to.

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  • S
    Dedicated August 2020
    Shveta ·
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    If money were no object, and you were planning on having a grand wedding with no financial worries, then I would say there's no harm in inviting them. Obviously that's not the case, so you can't invite everyone. For us, we can't even invite some people that we would want to invite just because we don't have it in our budget. I agree that it may feel awkward for them to not be invited, but it's not a massive wedding. Your dad could even tell them that you guys are paying for it yourselves and already not inviting as many people as you would like. That way they may be more understanding that it's not just them, even though they feel disappointed.

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  • Cassandra
    Dedicated October 2021
    Cassandra ·
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    Just keep repeating "We have a limited guest count, and unfortunately we could not fit everyone on the list. We are having only the closest people in our lives invited." But in your own words, and don't back down from that line.
    My FH and I are paying for everything and his family is HUGE and complicated to the point he doesn't know how he is related to some people his parents have come visit the house. We know they will try to add some of those people. So we both agreed to support each other and when asked about why someone is not on the guest list just say that line and nothing more.
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  • Danielle
    Devoted October 2021
    Danielle ·
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    My FH only talks to his brother. His mom, sister and the rest of the family are extremely toxic and we choose not to be apart of their lives at all. His sisters oldest daughter is 21 and due with her second child in July and she can’t pay rent, she was cheating on her boyfriend, now she got a dog.... no job no nothing. Her mom, FH sister still lives at home as felon with 2 kids and no driver’s license and everything, no job nothing. His brother was invited to our wedding but we made it very clear that his mom, sister, or his sisters kids were not welcome to come and they wouldn’t be getting an invite. There’s nothing wrong with putting your foot down when you feel it’s best. Now if his sister came to our wedding we would have a Sandra bullock 28 days later or whatever the rehab movie is where she’s drunk and wrecks her sisters wedding.... nope! Not for us!!!
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  • Autumn
    Devoted July 2020
    Autumn ·
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    Haha you do you, we will keep doing us! We are having our wedding on my parents private property, it is a very personal small ceremony only for people closest to us. I hope judging us made you feel good tho Smiley heart

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  • Caitlin
    Devoted September 2021
    Caitlin ·
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    I love this!
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  • Mrs. S
    Dedicated September 2020
    Mrs. S ·
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    YOU are the bride! If you aren’t comfortable with having people there you don’t communicate with, family or not, you have zero obligation to invite. Stay strong, you get one day for you don’t let anyone take it away!💕
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  • Mrs. S
    Dedicated September 2020
    Mrs. S ·
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    tenor.gif
    ^^^^^^^^^^
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  • Cassandra
    Beginner December 2020
    Cassandra ·
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    You all have been great! I really appreciate the support. It’s so hard to do the right thing and not feel like a jerk but also keep myself sane and happy!!
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  • Cassandra
    Beginner December 2020
    Cassandra ·
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    I love this! Thank you!
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  • Mrs. S
    Dedicated September 2020
    Mrs. S ·
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    💕💕 going through something similar with my future MIL, but all we can do is worry about the things we can control!
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  • Charlotte
    Just Said Yes November 2020
    Charlotte ·
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    Haha I love this!
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