Family Saying Right of the Bat, They're Not Going!

Thank you all so much for your kind words of consideration and insight. I really appreciate it. I don't know why family is so divided at times, when they are missing the point: It is a wedding. Witnessing a union of two people who love each other. How does that alone not entice people to put their differences aside for a few hours? Sigh.. it's unfortunate.

Yes,
I have had this. It made me feel horrible. I’ve also been told I don’t deserve a wedding by my family and how inconsiderate I am.
My fiancés dad isn’t even talking to him, isn’t coming to the wedding, and hasn’t come to one party all because he hates my fiancé’s mother. We even said she won’t be invited to anything he’s invited to and he still threw a fit. It’s been very very hard on my fiancé. So I understand how hard it is I’ve also had people say 100% they were going and now that we are 6 months away I’ve had a few say never mind we aren’t going anymore.
My own mom may not be going, that is cause her boyfriend (of 9 months) can’t go. People have been kind of mean and hurtful.
My heart goes out to you and anyone else that has family that isn’t coming. It’s really hurtful and can make you angry.. I was for a while. I’m not anymore, now I’m just disappointed and a little sad. Mainly know that people still love you (sometimes they just aren’t good at showing it) and that you will have a wonderful day!

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Hey Abby,

Wow, I am really sorry you are going through all of that. If my dad did that to me, I'd be devastated. I mean, that's my dad, you know. Parents shouldn't be like this, but some are... and it's really upsetting. It's crazy because even though it's your wedding, you're still trying to accommodate his dad, and it's still not enough for him. It's probably best he just not go, because he is only thinking about himself at this point, and not about his son getting married and having a new daughter-in law in his life. Whoever shows up at my wedding, I will be very happy and thankful for. Those who don't go will have to just hear about it, and that's on them. I just find my FH's aunt very selfish and petty.

View Quoted Comment I 100% agree... it’s really sad others are so selfish. This is exactly how we feel too!

I haven't.

We're inviting my uncle and aunt, my uncles ex-wife and her husband. (27 years ago, this would not have worked, but they are great friends now.) [I consider the uncle, aunt and ex wife to all be my aunts and uncle].

Other than that, we tend to cut off the more dramatic members of the family tree.

If I were in your situation. I'd probably just say ok, thanks.

I have a short wish list of people we didn't send save the dates to that I wish we could invite. [We can fit a few in, but we are waiting til invitation time to finalize.] I'd probably commit an etiquette faux pass and not send her an invite and invite a wish list guest. [If it were me in your situation.]

It's not like you're going to uninvited your fiance's mother. Lol.

Hi Andrea - be glad she is not coming. She WOULD have an agenda and a score to settle and your wedding would be the place to accomplish this task. I would respond with a "Thank you for your response." Don't fees into her drama.

I am sorry you are going through this.

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Abby, why can't your mom's boyfriend attend?

View Quoted Comment Well at first it was because I didn’t want him there. My mom has become a different person with him (especially when he’s with her) and she has been distant, so for my big day I didn’t want him there.
Then she said she wouldn’t come if he couldn’t (once again she’s known him for 9 months). So I said fine he can come, since I want her at my wedding. Now he can’t afford to go and we won’t pay for his or her way to hawaii (it’s a DW).

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I am sorry you are going through this, however......it was a social error to not invite him. Like him or not, they are a social unit. The nine months part should not matter either. My mom could have been dating someone for nine weeks and he would have been invited. Sorry for the unwanted advice but social units are social units.

Is your mom coming to Hawaii? I would not offer to pay his airfare, either. He is, presumably, a grown man who can pay for his ticket. Or your mom can if she wants him there so badly.

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry but I disagree.. she’s putting this man she’s known for a few months before her children. She is threatening to not come to my wedding because I don’t want him there. If he hurts my feelings, makes my mom not act like herself and treat me badly when he’s around then it is my choice to not invite him. I do not see them as a social unit but I know the full story and I can’t tell the whole story so this is why. So you may see it as a social error... but once again there is a long story behind everything ..part of it being he is still married and he and his wife have separated but not divorced yet.
My mom may or may not come. Since she can’t pay for both she may not be coming since he can’t.

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I am really sorry you have to go through that. If it is safety issue I would not invite him either. I am sorry your mom is choosing him but that is on HER, not you. Women can get weird about their mates, can't they? And not in a good way.

We've only had HFs grandmother so far say no because of health reasons. We're still sending her invite in cases she changes her mind.

My FH and I both have family we're estranged from and we didn't even bother to get into contact with them to send out save the dates or invitations.

I didn't put my mother's name on the invite. She is now refusing to come or to talk to me, and is doing her best to get the rest of her side of the family to not come.

FMIL has been estranged from her own mother for over 25 years. We have no idea if her mother knows about the wedding - she might, FMIL's father (they are divorced for like 45 years) is invited and we really hope he can make it (only other living grandparent for either of us).

People throw drama.

Don't react to it. Tell them "okay" and go about your life. It will reflect far more poorly on them than anything, because you refuse to engage in name-calling, fighting, and being spiteful.

Also! That part? Ignoring the drama and rising above it?

IT IS SO HARD. I get that. But it really is its own reward. You get less stress, fewer emotional roller coasters, and the feeling of being the grown up in the room.

You're not alone! My parents are both deceased, all my siblings all live out of the country and I only have aunts, uncles and cousins that are here but unfortunately aren't showing any interest about my upcoming wedding. They all got an invite to my engagement party and none of them showed up! I don't mind walking down the aisle alone but it's kind of sad that I won't have any family/relatives that will come to my wedding and will only have my FH's family and friends.

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I hear where you're coming from. Thanks, Courtney

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Hey Rebecca,

Sorry that you're going through all of that. Thank you for your insight

View Quoted Comment Hey Grace,

I am really sorry to hear about your parents. My condolences. What excuse do your aunts, uncles and cousins have for not attending if they are local? Not cool of them, really mean. I understand why you would feel kind of sad, but at least people who care about your union, even if it's on FH's side of the family will be there to support.

I have had people tell us from the get go (from FH's side) that they will not be coming but no one has really giving us reasons. I don't mind everyone else has a life outside of our wedding. it sucks shes choosing not to support y'all because of other people so I'm sorry there :/

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Hey Cassi,

Yeah it does kind of suck, but maybe it's better this way. I really don't want drama on my wedding day... thank youu