Family not happy with us getting married

If they feel like they dont know FH can you make more of an effort for them to feel like they do? Just because you guys live together doesnt mean they know him. Maybe family dinners a couple times a month of something?

I hate to say it, but if you're entire family hates him, do they have a reason to? Personally I would be concerned if my entire family hated the guy I was going to marry.

That's really harsh from your grandmother. I'm so sorry she said that to you. That would have devastated me. :-(

They are very close minded and refuse to ask him about the things they don't know. He has been over for dinners and holidays, quite frequently since we live very close to them.

So, do you know your FH and his religious views, and if so then why are they saying that? If that's their biggest objection and it's not even true then I don't really understand.

Unfortunately, in my experience, when the majority of your family or friends object to your boyfriend, fiancé, or husband, there is usually a valid reason.

What your grandmother said was really harsh...so, is she normally the kind of person to say such hurtful things? If not, then she must really hate this person you are marrying, and I don't see you changing her mind. Sorry

What are his religious views? What are yours? I'd have to agree with Soon to be Mrs Compton ... If the whole family hates him, there may be good reason to take a deeper look.

Okay, let me give you a little more background. My family are southern baptists and can be very judgemental. I am a personally practicing christian (Not really a church goer) and my FH is an Old Irish pagan. We have had tons of religious talks (religion studies is one of his hobbies) and found that none of our views or beliefs clash in any negative way. He's very open to others opinion and beliefs as am I. My family, not so much.

But religion isn't what I'm asking about. What I need is advice on how to get them to be more accepting of us getting married. Like I said, they like him overall, but they keep acting that we're just dating. My extended family and our friends are ecstatic but not my immediate family. I've even had other family members try to talk tot them about their actions to no success so far.

So sorry, I misread your original post....I thought it said they did NOT like him overall! I think your immediate family just needs to spend more time with him perhaps to get to know him. However, I was raised southern Baptist, and I live in the south-so I understand what you mean. I still have friends who do not dance, and some that think I am going to Hell because I once hosted a dinner at a Tap Room...and that's not an exaggeration! I had people de-friend me on FB and my best friend form HS no longer will speak to me because of that...there's just nothing you can do for closed-minded people like that. Good Luck!

If you are 100% that this is the man you went to spend the rest of your life with, then I'd stand right behind him. I'm very overprotective of my FH. If I was in your position, I'd tell my family this is who I'm marrying whether they like it or not. I completely understand what the other women are saying because it's true. If everyone says the same thing or doesn't like your FH, there must be a significant reason. If what you're saying is all that it is, then I'd continue to plan my wedding and not dwell. Don't get me wrong, of course it would bother me my family isn't as excited as I am, but it is what it is.

If your family is Southern Baptist and your fiancé is pagan, I honestly don't have high hopes that they will ever accept him. I wouldn't be surprised if they are praying for him to have a change of heart regarding his religion. They probably don't treat you like you are engaged because they may be hoping at you'll break up.

I'm not sure what you can do here ... It sounds like they have made up their minds.

I don't think there's much you can do except give it time. You come from a Southern Baptist family and you're marrying a pagan. I come from a Christian family and I do say that I know my family wouldn't be happy if my FH's beliefs were far off from my own.

They like him, but don't agree with his beliefs and therefore won't be that comfortable knowing you're marrying him since you two don't necessarily share beliefs. Being open minded isn't exactly the same as believing in the same thing.

But if they don't like him based on his beliefs and it's something else then you may want to dig deeper and see what it is. I learned that if the majority of my family didn't care for someone I was dating then there had to be a reason & it usually was something that I wouldn't see until later. Remember your extended family may not see what your immediate family sees.

Elope. Seriously. It's not worth the family drama if they are not supportive.

But you should also look at it from the outside in and try to understand why they feel so strongly against it. Maybe there is proof in the pudding?

Best of luck!

Ohh yeah seriously, close minded people. I know here people hear the word pagan and run. My fbil and fsil are pagans, luckily his family doesn't judge him for that, they are baptists too! Some people just don't like what they don't understand! I'm so sorry that you are going through this! It took my mom about 4-5 years to warm up to my fw, just because she's of the same gender, and she was Jehovah's witness at the time. She now has a new bf (they have been dating for about 1 1/2 years now) and is a baptist! She's just as happy for my wedding as I am now! She finally seen how happy my fw makes me! I think you just need to give it time.

Other than reassuring them that you and your FH have discussed your differences, there isn't much you can really do. Maybe a group discussion on religion? Though that may be messy quickly.

You can ask for you families opinions on the wedding, but that doesn't mean they will be involved. There is a saying that no one cares about your wedding as much as you do. Right now, your date is far enough away that it may not feel real to them yet.

You cannot win over people. It's up to them to change, not you (I'm assuming, of course, that you're not poking at this problem with a stick for drama purposes). So you're going to have to march on without their support. It sucks. I'm sorry.

I was once engaged before. I was young and realize now that I just wanted to be married. I realize stupid but my point is my family did not like him. My dad would not give his blessing to us. After I broke off the engagement I understand everything they were saying. In the end my family knew me. My dad laughed at my now Fh when he asked for his blessing because my dad said he knew it was coming and said I couldn't do better. I know old fashion about getting the father's blessing. My point is your family knows you best. They know what will make you happy in the long run because they raised you. This is not helpful to what you want but I wanted to tell you my story because I almost made a mistake that would affect me forever

Normally I would agree with you Hilary. If your entire family is against someone, I think you should double check yourself to make sure you're not being carried away by the flow of the relationship. Marriage is not just an extension of dating; people need to know, beforehand, if they can live together, make choices together, have the same goals, etc. However....in this particular case, I think that the OPs family is unfairly biased because being a pagan is so far from their world view that they can't accept it. A lot of people have biases against paganism, so I feel for the OP.

Janeen I agree that could be it because I know people are bias. I feel for the op also no matter what because it is something that is hard to deal with either way. I just wanted to share my story. But my family were never so mean about my ex

If your family likes him overall? Lady, stop and be grateful for that. Seriously. I know SB and I am pagan - those two ideas don't mix.

You may not be able to get them to act like you're getting married. It may be completely beyond their abilities. They haven't burned him at the stake or acted rudely towards him? That's a win.

*you* are going to have to let go of your concept of how getting married is going to go. My feeling reading your posts is that you have the romantic idea of how a wedding will go and all the events leading up to it which is normal to have. Your family may not be willing to participate in that and you have to make peace with it, or change. The only person you can change in this whole situation? Yourself. Full stop. And that's kind of a basic tenet of most neo-pagan belief systems.

Good luck to you both. It is a lot of hard work to combine a family from two very distinctly different background. Not impossible, but an uphill battle regardless.

FH's Mom's side of the family does not want FH to marry me because they hate me. FH's Dad's side of the family loves me and is super excited that I'll be part of their family!

Honestly, if your family has an issue with your FH, you need to know what it is. I know why FH's Mom's family doesn't like me... I was a single Mom when FH met me, and now he allows me to be a SAHM and they think I'm lazy for not working. (Whatever.)

My thought is that maybe your family is concerned that he is going to change your religious views or that if you have children they will be raised pagan. I think you may be best served to sit down with them (without your FH) to discuss YOUR religious views and feelings. In addition, look at your ceremony. Are you including pagan and Southern Baptist traditions in your ceremony? I am willing to bet that your family is thinking about it. I would also make sure you tell them that you value them and you want them there at your wedding but this is the person you plan to spend your life. I hope they see the light and cab be there for you.

I am sorry that your family is acting this way and for your grandmother to be so nasty. You deserve to be happy during your wedding planning process, I hope you can talk through the issues and get them on board.