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Dedicated October 2020

Family Invite Drama

Candace, on March 29, 2020 at 11:22 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 24

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My fiancé and I have sent out 90% of our save the dates this past weekend. But the problem is, my mom gave me the addresses of all of her sisters, but I only grew up knowing three of them. My mom does not speak to most of her sisters (would take too long to explain the family history there).With that being said, I asked my mom to give me the addresses of the sisters that she wanted me to invite. So she asked one of the sisters that she does talk to for all of their addresses. The problem is, she said she can’t just pick one or two to invite, she would have to invite them all... even though my fiancé and I are the ones paying for our wedding without their help. I only grew up with three of those aunts and I invited the two, the other one passed away. The rest, to be honest I don’t care for..What would you do in my situation? I didn’t invite all of my dads siblings either, just bc I only grew up knowing a few of them as well. Thanks in advance.

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Latest activity by Naikesha, on April 11, 2020 at 5:45 AM

VIP August 2020
Kathryn · on March 30, 2020 at 12:09 AM
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I would say that all should be invited, mostly because it seems like favoritism among your aunts. But if you're having a small wedding, I see your point. I think your mom doesn't want to exclude siblings, and we did attempt to do the same thing with my mom's siblings. Guess what - they all pitched fits and ended up invited, and I was That Niece for awhile because I tried to keep my guest list small. Family drama is inevitable. Pick your battles and be ready to concede defeat if this isn't your hill to die on.
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VIP August 1997
Belle · on March 30, 2020 at 12:27 AM
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In my opinion, if you want to keep it small only invite your close family members who you choose. It’s your wedding, not your mom’s. But that’s just my 2 cents.

I had a nightmare wedding 23 years ago. I can’t even call that a wedding, honestly. We will renew our vow, and because I do not want anyone from DH family, so I don’t even think of inviting mine, just to be fair. So, only our adult kids and we our young kid.
No drama. Just peace 😆
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Beginner October 2022
Emily · on March 30, 2020 at 3:06 AM
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It is your wedding day, if you aren’t close to those aunts you should not feel obligated to invite them. I am going through the same issue with some of my extended family. If I were you I would tell your mom that if she wants you to invite them, she will have to pay, and politely explain that you don’t know them well enough to feel comfortable with them being there.

Good luck!
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on March 30, 2020 at 6:50 AM
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Normally I would say just invite the ones you’re close to but you opened yourself up to inviting all of them when you asked your mom for the addresses for the ones she wanted invited. You can certainly choose not to invite them all but then I think you need to talk to your mom and see how she’s feeling.
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Dedicated October 2020
Candace · on March 30, 2020 at 9:07 AM
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It is very frustrating when you’re trying to keep your guest list small. Especially when I have talked to most of them in 7 years due to family drama. It’s very hard. I know most likely they won’t go, or they would accept and not show up (which is what I’m afraid of bc we would be paying for them). I probably shouldn’t have asked her but figured she would give the address of one or two of them not all of them. She was never invited to any of their daughters weddings🤷🏻‍♀️
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VIP October 2021
Jennifer · on March 30, 2020 at 9:07 AM
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I have invited SOME of my cousins and not others because, well frankly when someone threatens to kill me I do NOT wish for them to be at My wedding....
I didn’t grow up with my older 1/2 brothers and have invited the middle one- only. The oldest is in prison- so he was a no go anyway, and the youngest is in & out of jail for drug issues so I would rather not have that drama.
I am thinking of inviting my younger 1/2 German sister- but my dad doesn’t claim her, she is the result of an affair he had while stationed there- but she, my middle( invited) brother and I are all speaking and on good terms. But, it would be Drama and I will have enough of that with my 22yo FSD & mother-in-law......
So, my point after my rant is- it is YOUR DAY, you and FH are paying for it, DO WHAT YOU WANT. It is up to the others, as adults to suck it up and understand.
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VIP August 2020
Kathryn · on March 30, 2020 at 9:10 AM
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Lol yes I know the struggle. I tried to keep it to the 3 out of 5 siblings that I was close to, but the other two threw fits until they were added. And then I have to deal with 15 cousins plus their spouses plus the kids! A good 40 people. I would lay down your boundary if you really don't want them there and then just be prepared for backlash. Weddings make people go crazy.
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Dedicated October 2020
Candace · on March 30, 2020 at 10:03 AM
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Yes!!! And my aunts have tons of kids. But honestly I do not talk but to a few of them, so I don’t feel obligated to invite them I feel obligated to ask all of the aunts bc my mom asked for their address and I feel like a jerk if I don’t. It sucks. How weddings make everyone go crazy! This is suppose to be a fun time!
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Dedicated October 2020
Candace · on March 30, 2020 at 10:08 AM
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Yes! That’s why I wish I didn’t ask if she wanted to invite the sisters that she did talk to. I should have known she would want to be fair. But now I really can’t take it back. I may explain to her that I haven’t talk to two of the aunts for a long time and need to make cuts somewhere, and that I didn’t invite all of dads family. I’m sure she will understand. I’m happy that you’re keeping yours drama free!!!
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Dedicated June 2021
Ally · on March 30, 2020 at 10:39 AM
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I completely understand where you’re coming from. Personally, I wouldn’t invite them. I’m kinda having the same issues. We’re having a small wedding with close family and friends only. I won’t be inviting a lot of my dads family because I don’t know them and never really grew up around them, but I know my dad and my grandma will expect me to. I don’t see the point in inviting people I don’t know and who don’t know me to my wedding, even if they’re family. I just keep thinking that they’ll get the invite and be confused because they might not even know who I am. 😂 If you’re aunts don’t really know you, and they’re not on good terms with your mom, I don’t think they’ll be too upset to not get an invite. In the end, it’s what you want, and I think your mom will come to understand.
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Super October 2020
Fmv · on March 30, 2020 at 1:37 PM
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Keep it small and only invite the ones you know. Why have people at your wedding who arent relevant in your life?
Eventhough you asked your mom for addresses, i dont see that as in to invite everyone. Save the dates werent even sent out yet.
Keep it small.I have cousins that are siblings to eachother and im only inviting the ones i know or have a relationship with
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Dedicated October 2020
Candace · on March 30, 2020 at 5:48 PM
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I’m coming to the conclusion that this will be the best bet. I did ask for the addresses of the sisters that she wanted there but I told her no pity invites and that’s when she told me it was too late bc she asked for everyone’s address. I’ll invite the ones that I had a relationship with and mom will have to understand about the others
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Super October 2020
Fmv · on March 30, 2020 at 5:49 PM
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That sounds like a great plan!
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Dedicated October 2020
Candace · on March 30, 2020 at 5:50 PM
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It’s just crazy what is expected of you on your wedding day. I get that some people want this to be some type of family reunion, and I probably wouldn’t care as much if we weren’t paying for everything (which I never expected them to). Im glad to hear that your are comfortable with your decision and I hope none of your family is giving you too much hassle about it!!!
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Dedicated August 2020
Carlette · on March 30, 2020 at 7:10 PM
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This is your day, not your mom's. Invite those who are special to you. Those who aren't on the list will eventually get over it.

We are excluding some family for the sake of guest count. I think many people will understand.
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Dedicated October 2020
Candace · on March 30, 2020 at 7:12 PM
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Thank you! I agree. Most of them didn’t invite my mother to their daughters weddings. Not sure if that hurt my moms feelings or not, and that’s why she’s being nice and wanting me to invite all of them. I agree most of them probably won’t even care that they weren’t invited
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Just Said Yes June 2021
Gladis · on March 31, 2020 at 10:44 AM
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I absolutely agree, in my situation i am having a small wedding 75 people. I have a huge family, but reality is not everyone is around and i dont feel the need the pay for people whom never been around. It’ll be tough having to let people out, But remember this is your wedding, your budget and you have the right to invite whom feels right without an explanation. BEST OF LUCK!
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Dedicated October 2020
Candace · on March 31, 2020 at 3:55 PM
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That’s the hardest part for me. I always feel like I need to give an explanation for the decisions I make. I truly appreciate it!!!
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Beginner July 2021
Tatiana · on March 31, 2020 at 4:03 PM
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This is your wedding, not a soup kitchen. Why if you're funding it then you and your FH get to decide who attends. Why do they want to go if they haven't been in your life? If your mom wants to connect with them again she can do that outside of your wedding.
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Savvy September 2020
Belen · on April 1, 2020 at 2:00 AM
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I think you should be okay just inviting the aunts that you are close with, especially if you and your fiance are paying for the wedding. You should have the people closes to you at your wedding, especially if you want it to be intimate. Plus, we all know weddings are expensive so this is probably not the time to invite just anyone especially if you do not interact with them or are close to them. Hope it works out!
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Family Invite Drama

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