Family driving me crazy!

Sorry Ashley =( Guest list cuts are never easy or fun, and it's awful to deal with bad behavior from grown adults who can't comprehend venue and budget constraints.

Just take it in stride the best you can, tell them "I appreciate your opinion, but due to venue restrictions we aren't able to accommodate everyone." And then try and ignore it, and if they keep bring it up keep telling them the same thing. Hopefully they get the hint.

It's terrible that people are pestering you for an invite but you need to invite all the SO of your guests. That means the girlfriend that you barely know needs to be invited.

"Sorry Aunt Cordelia, but our budget does not allow second-cousin-twice-removed Thomas' ex-girlfriend's hairdresser to attend the wedding. If it is that important to you that this person attend, you can send us a check and we'll add her. Our current per-person cost is $500."

Or

"Thank you for your opinion mom. We've actually decided to open the last ten wedding guest slots in a Hunger Games style competition. This way, we know that the remaining guests are the most fit to attend our wedding. By the way, we've had to cut down even more. How are you at hand-to-hand combat?"

It is what it is, if your venue can't hold any more people, than that is your response. If it is a money issue, tell your mom that if she wants to invite more people, she needs to pay all the associated costs, but that is a slippery slope to start to climb.

That sucks, I'm sorry. Guest list struggles are one of the hardest parts of wedding planning.

But to be fair to your mom - you should be inviting significant others of your guests if they're in a relationship.

I am in the same boat. We are over our maximum and my FH mother is inviting people neither of us have met. My plan is to say yea sure and then only send invites to who we want to come. My friend hires someone to check people in at the door. I hope it doesn't get to that point.

Yes, as Rebecca said adults in relationships should totally be given a plus one.

Tell them sure, if they want to pay they can invite whoever the fuck they want. That should shut them up.

As far as +1s are concerned we set rules and went with people in long term relationships, fiancés and husband/wives/partners etc...but I do not feel at all inclined to invite some random person that my cousin is seeing this month...he was engaged to some other chic last year that I also barely knew.

We have a ton of close friends and other family that unfortunately don't make the cut that we would much rather have at OUR wedding. And it is a space issue, we max out at 114 people in the space we have 116 at the moment...

I would tell them what Kathryn said "if you want to contribute to paying for your extra guests, I can invite them"

If it were me, if it was bad enough to make me that upset, I would invite my parents and siblings, and literally cut everyone else in my family, and if the parents/siblings had an issue, they would be made aware they'd get cut as well.

I'm sorry Ashley, this stinks We've all gone through some extent of this and guest list cuts are never easy! Sorry your family is making this more difficult for you

Everyone gave you great advice about handling invitation begs, however most people (myself included) will disagree with you not inviting someone's SO based on what YOU deem "serious". You don't get to make that call.

I have family on my guest list that I haven't seen since I was 5 but we keep in touch and I set a space aside for their SO just in case they're still together when invites go out. It's the courteous and right thing to do. If I was invited to a wedding and FH wasn't because the relationship was deemed not serious enough I would be deeply insulted. You should at least set aside the room and plan to invite all the SO of your guests and if they aren't in a relationship later then fine but at least you're ready to be a good and proper host.

That's cute how you expect people to come and celebrate your relationship but you can't respect your family members enough to value their relationships.

Then based on your follow up comment, the answer is, we're so sorry but we have no more room. Every single time someone asks.

As for the SO (very different from a plus one) regardless of how long they have been together or how serious you feel the relationship is - if they introduce them as a GF/BF they get an invite by name. You don't get to judge the seriousness of a relationship.

Actually @FallBride I have a lot of friends who keep their relationships more private for a few weeks because they don't want people to flip or butt their noses into it. So no, some people don't go waving their relationship flag from the rooftop.

@OP- I stand by what I said and @Jeanne said it perfectly. At some point YOU were just dating your FH, so I'm sure you can imagine yourself in your guests shoes. If you absolutely will not accommodate guests with their SO then expect and accept the drama that will come your way because it will happen. If you still can't possibly imagine why those guests are upset because you're casting judgement on their relationships then no one can help you. Me personally, that would be offensive enough to me that I would reevaluate my friendship if someone who is supposed to be close to me slapped me in the face so harshly.

Does everyone on the list get a plus one? No. Not every guest needs a plus one. However, people with SO are a social unit and should be accommodated for as such.

@Fall Bride she referred to her as his girlfriend in the original post. The fact that he was engaged last year to someone else is irrelevant.

The guest list can be very hard!

My biggest piece of advice: use the budget and/or venue as to the reason why A, B, and C aren't invited. Be firm in your choice! Weddings are $$$$, and of course people would want to come. Free food and booze!

FH's mom comes from a very large family. Because of that, we're only inviting her siblings and spouses. Our guest list still comes in at 125 guests, not exactly small. We'd be over 350 if all of them were invited. No way, no how.

So, his mom suggested we do a pot luck/BBQ type deal for those that aren't invited. It'll be an open house type deal and we'll supply the alcohol. 90% of them are coming to that, and we haven't even sent a formal invite for it! Besides his family, some friends from work and others will come too. It's what we had to do and they (the guests) still feel honored.

I am sorry that your family is making you crazy.

However - adults should be allowed to bring the SO - just because you can not recall her name off the top of your head, if you are inviting him and they are dating, they are a social unit and he should be allowed to bring her.

@Brandy that's the thing- I don't even know her name! My adult, almost 40yo cousin in question lives with his mother, his name was was included on my aunts invitation as they are the two members of that household and he would likely be the one to drive her there, to be honest it was a courtesy invite bc he lives with his mom, otherwise we wouldn't have sent him one. Also, we specifically requested no additional guest due to the small size of our venue and he added her onto the RSVP

@mna I am starting to think my FH might prefer that with all this...

@Fall Bride yes- date of the week- that's a great way to put it. I have so many friends with pictures of strangers at their wedding that they cannot even name and were some random a friend or family member was dating. I don't want that!

In general I am not "judging" anyone's relationship - We simply are choosing who we want to spend our wedding day with- and since we're paying I think that is our decision alone.