Family drama/wedding advice

Nope. You know the answer.

Did she say she would ruin your wedding? I would invite her and let her ass stew in all my happiness, but I am petty like that

Thats tough..You've asked her to read something in your wedding. Sounds like your sister is playing both sides- from an outsider perspective. I'd see how things go since you still have time before invites go out. Did she agree to read or no?? Me personally, I wouldn't invite her based on how things are right now, but thats just me.

I've already sent her, her son and her boyfriend a save the date though. Is that wrong then?

If you've sent a STD then mho would be they get an invite. She could always decline. If she does show, rub your happiness in her face. I would LOL no one is stealing my thunder on the big day. I've waited toooooo long for it.

@meet_the_clarks, she hasn't said yes or no to the reading yet. So, I'd obviously have to plan the ceremony without her. I honestly can't handle her negativity anymore.

I wouldn't invite her. Even if it's your sister you still wouldn't want someone at your wedding who isn't truly happy for you and there to celebrate your wedding.

Even if you sent her a STD I wouldn't extend an invite. Some things change and if someone sent me a message like that I surely wouldn't want them at my big day. Hopefully you can still enjoy your day without her there!

If I decide not to invite her, other family members won't understand. They will ask me to just be the bigger person and invite her anyways. I can't be a bigger person to someone who clearly doesn't care, nor does she deserve it. I'm in a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation here...

I'm so sorry this is happening Candy. What are your FHs thoughts on the situation? You obviously want to be happy on your big day. What does your heart tell you to do ?

Family dynamics can definitely be tricky to navigate. I'd say to let it go right now, OP. You still have a couple of months before invitations go out, so I'd try to put aside and see how things shake out over the next few months.

Not knowing how your family operates, you can take this next piece as you like: Make plans to meet with your mom and lay it all out in front of her - just the facts, without getting too emotionally involved - and make it clear that if your sister isn't involved, it's by her choice rather than lack of effort on your part. Basically, cut off that avenue of family sympathy for your sister and tell your mom what's going on first hand instead of hearing a highly colored version from your sister.

ETA: Clarity

@meet_the_clarks, I appreciate you saying that. FH is personally over her drama as well. He could care less about her as he's sick of seeing me put myself out there to only get hurt in the end.

I agree with other PP's - based on what she said to you, I probably wouldn't want to invite her either. You have made the effort and she has not, and continues to be disrespectful. However, if it were me, I'd probably just pick my battles, invite her for my family's sake, and like others have said, rub my happiness in her face on the day of. After the wedding, I'd just move on with my life. Give her the option to come, if she declines, that's on her.

Zaz, I've talked to my mom about it when my sister didn't respond to my message. She then got mad at me for asking my mom why she hasn't replied yet if she's read it. My sister is the one who involved my mom in the first place.

I have to add... These rumors my sister has started have also created a riff between my older brother and his wife who are expecting their first child together. Like my sister, I've tried very hard to develop a relationship with them too. It's clear now that they have taken her side.

Do you think she will cause a scene or will it just destroy the wedding for you simply because she is there? I would ask yourself if this is one of those "hill to die on" moments. If it is going to cause a rift with a large part of your family and she isn't going to actually ruin the day (i.e. it will just really annoy you that you had to invite her) I would just invite her. Either way, I wouldn't have her do the reading.

A save the date does not obligate you to invite someone if after it is sent they start spewing hate at you. I think it is fair to say that circumstances have changed and she is no longer welcome.

@mrswrs, what she said isn't really necessary to share at this point. They are rumors she started to throw me under the bus to get other family members to "like her" more than me. Confirmed with those specific family members as of a few days ago.

If your family believes what you are describing as outright lies, not rumors, then I wouldn't give a shit what they think about you not inviting her. It is clearly more important for you to not invite her than for you to appease your family members.

As a mom of 4 adult children whereas the majority do not get along with one of them I still feel like she should be invited. Yes she has her issues, her reasons for behaving badly, but again as a mom I feel that sisters and brothers should be included regardless unless of course there is a legal reason for not including them. IN our dynamic one of my children has kind of alienated the others, behaved badly, does participate in family thing. Please sit down with her and tell her that you have done everything to include her but you feel that her behavior is not warranted. Rumors are rumors and unless she has physical proof of the issue then she should remain silent and judge. Everyone makes mistakes and should be allowed to recover and live happily.

This is your day. She has taken steps (or lack thereof) to withdraw from your life. I don't think your wedding day is the day to start to try to forge this relationship forward. Go with your gut.