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Shania
Devoted September 2021

family drama

Shania, on February 16, 2020 at 4:50 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8
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Hey brides! So I’m having a tough time with the drama in my family right now. It’s kinda making this whole engagement experience more stressful than I’d like.
My mom wants to be very involved and know everything, which I don’t mind. But, my step mom also would like to be involved and my mom cannot stand her. She always texts me (sometimes at random) about my step mom calling her names and saying that my step mom didn’t birth me so she gets no say.

A little back story, my mom and dad broke up in I think the year 2007. Now I was a child then so I’m not sure exactly what happened, there’s my moms side, my dads side, and the truth. My mom says that my dad cheated on her with my now step mom. My dad says they were trying to work things out but my mom was also seeing someone at her job at the time (and I know this to be true because they did end up together) but when he found out she was interested in the guy, he left and several days later he met my step mom. My parents had many issues. Had me in their teenage years, a lot of cheating on my dads part, physical and mental abuse, and loss of their third child. I understand my moms anger and pain. But she is married now, and birthed a fourth child. And I feel like she should have moved on from the past..
I love my mom and I love my step mom. I just want the fighting to stop. My step mom doesn’t even say anything she just stays quiet. I need my mom to understand that my step mom has a place in my life just like my step dad does.
Let me know what you suggest I should do! Thank you!

8 Comments

Latest activity by Shania, on February 16, 2020 at 10:13 PM
  • Nefetera
    VIP March 2015
    Nefetera ·
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    Well this is difficult. You respect and have love for them both so give them both a part in your wedding. And try talking with your mom before the wedding day comes with her being around your step mom. Before the wedding you may have a few events like dress fitting, or bridal shower where you can have them around eachother before the wedding. It's your wedding you take the led.
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  • R
    Expert May 2021
    Rachael ·
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    Try talking with your mom and say you want her involved but if she's going to be petty and not put her differences aside for your big day you won't include her. It sounds harsh but until people realize the day is about you and your fh and not them it's the only way
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    You should have a conversation with your mom and let her know that you want your step mom involved in planning and she needs to treat her with respect. Let her know if she can't act like an adult, she won't be included in the planning herself.

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  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    I have step parents so I get it. You have to tell your mom in one firm statement, not a question, my stepmom was in my life a long time and she’s important to me and she’s going to be involved, and stop sending me hateful messages about her. It sounds like your mom needs a wake up call and she is acting very immature. She can hate her behind closed doors but has no right to put you in the middle or ruin your day with this stuff.
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  • Kathryn
    VIP August 2020
    Kathryn ·
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    I'll be honest. I was quite firm with my mom that my stepmom is being included in some things - my dad full out cheated on my mom with her though and then got married not long after their divorce, so it's a whole thing - but my mom is still making passive aggressive comments. Divorce is tough. This was 13 years ago, they both remarried, and yet my mom STILL wants to sucker punch my stepmom. Stand your ground and tell your mom your boundaries. My mom has done so - she's allowing my stepmom into the rehearsal dinner and a few other things I wanted because my stepmom and I kind of get along - but still makes comments. Tell your mom what you want and stick with that. This is your day, and she needs to try and make nice for the one day so everyone can be included.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I think in my opinion you should limit any wedding decisions talk to both ladies that way night of those dresses you out. I think you need to sit down and talk with your mother and said listen you understand her feelings towards your stepmom but you don't have a problem with her and you are going to include her a little bit in the wedding and that she's going to need to be the adult and just be cool for with her.
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  • Samantha
    Expert October 2021
    Samantha ·
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    Hi Shania, it's tough to be in this situation. Stepping into your Mom's shoes for a bit, she might be feeling insecure about losing her daughter to your Stepmom. Coming out of an emotional and physically abusive relationship can leave behind trauma that doesn't go away with out therapy, (sometimes never). So I do understand your Mom's animosity, though I believe that adults should always behave themselves. If I were you, I would invite both of them to coffee at the same time. Ask them to not say anything until you have explained how you feel, then address their concerns. Make it clear that once the coffee date is finished that's the end of the conversation and start a new chapter.
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  • Shania
    Devoted September 2021
    Shania ·
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    Thank you everyone for your wonderful suggestions! I’m going to have a conversation with both my mom and step mom about this. I just get so nervous because my mom never likes to listen to anything I have to say and honestly sometimes makes me feel like my feelings aren’t validated. But this time she will hear me or I’m just gonna have to make her less involved in the wedding. Thank you guys 😊❤️
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