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VIP October 2021

Family Drama

Jennifer, on May 17, 2019 at 4:58 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 29

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Soooo, my cousins( hateful/spiteful) 22yo daughter is getting married the same time I am.
And by same time I mean EXACTLY the same time.

I had set MY date- September 19 2020- many months ago, and she set hers- September 26 2020- and that was great! The Very limited family I have wouldn’t have to try and pick who’s wedding they wanted to attend more....

Fast forward to a week ago: Brittany has now cancelled her date of 9/26 and moved it( after being told by my aunt- her grandma) to September 19!!! I had asked my aunt to be my officiant, after finding out she had moved her date up- I was even more determined to have my aunt do it!, and she said she’d love to but cannot because of the “conflict”.
Now let me tell you, my aunt is 70+ & not in the best of health, so I simply suggested that she IS wanted at My wedding( her grandson got married and “only family” was invited- my aunt, his grandmother was not!) & maybe she should be “too ill to attend”.... especially since she wants to come to our rehearsal dinner/etc...

Cousin is getting married in MD, me in NY- close to where my Aunt lives.....

Anyone else been through this type of stupidity? How’d you handle it? What would you do??

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29 Comments

Latest activity by Nicole, on May 19, 2019 at 12:52 PM

VIP October 2019
Jessica · on May 17, 2019 at 5:12 PM
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Wow girl.. This is crazy! I can't believe she'd move it up to the same exact date! If I was feeling really petty and had the $ I'd probably move the wedding earlier than hers, but you shouldn't have to do that. I wish I had good advice but I don't. Also, people are nuts >.>
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VIP October 2021
Jennifer · on May 17, 2019 at 5:15 PM
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I have reasons for that date. I won’t move it- and we have our venue, caterer, cake and a bunch of other things booked.

She has always been spiteful- even more than her mom- and that is sayin something!
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VIP October 2019
Jessica · on May 17, 2019 at 5:20 PM
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Yeah I looked back at some of your posts, you've had the date booked for a while..I wouldn't move it either in that case. She put the family in a bad position too to have to choose which wedding to go to. How unfortunate Is most of your family closer in location to one or the other?
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VIP October 2021
Jennifer · on May 17, 2019 at 5:27 PM
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Nope. Just her mom & uncles. And I have Nothing to do w/any of them anyway- loooong story( my aunts, now deceased, ex-husband sexually assaulted me @ 12- the hateful cousins dad & one who switched dates grandfather)

My mom, and Uncle & Aunt( my moms siblings) and the other assorted cousins/second cousins etc are ALL in Upstate NY. And the rest of family doesn’t know her at all, or her mom, so are coming to mine.
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Expert October 2019
Sara · on May 17, 2019 at 5:31 PM
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Wowww your cousin sounds like a delight 🙄😂 sewing as your date was set long before hers though she has no ground to stand on. I hope it all works out so your aunt can officiate though! Maybe your cuz will come to her senses and move her date again. She’s putting your family in such an awkward position.
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Expert October 2020
Soon2BSmith · on May 17, 2019 at 5:33 PM
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Crazy!!! WOW!!! Do you think you could even reason with her ?
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VIP October 2019
Jessica · on May 17, 2019 at 5:34 PM
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Well good riddance then.. You don't need them there anyhow ❤️❤️ You will have a beautiful wedding with your family, I'm sure. Blessing in disguise perhaps.
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Super May 2019
Jessica · on May 17, 2019 at 5:41 PM
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I honestly wouldn't do anything. You did nothing wrong. Invite who you want to invite. Expect a slightly higher decline rate because of her stupidity. Have a beautiful wedding with those who choose to come and be close to you. I'm sorry she did that, but it might turn out to be a blessing in disguise. She won't be there to cause drama at least!
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VIP October 2021
Jennifer · on May 17, 2019 at 5:49 PM
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Not a chance. The last contact I had was on Facebook when I asked if a hair colour( was a layover on a pix of a bright red colour) would look good- she went off and called me tons of nasty names, said I copied her( umm I’d had that colour many years ago- so if anything she copied me! Lol) and threatened me w/physical violence- I reported her to Facebook and the local plolice. Sooo, not thinkin so... 😕
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VIP October 2021
Jennifer · on May 17, 2019 at 5:51 PM
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Her and her mother would NOT have gotten an invitation anyway. The 2 male cousins would’ve.
Yup, I’m like that... lol
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Master December 2019
Courtney · on May 17, 2019 at 6:33 PM
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I would say keep going with your plans, you shouldn’t have to change your day because of someone else’s foolishness. From the sounds of it her fiancé may wise up and cancel haha.
I’m going through something similar with my cousin planning his wedding a week right after mine. My date was known roughly 3 months beforehand. Not his fault, his fiancées family is trying to squeeze this wedding in before the end of the year. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m a little worried some of our family will have to choose, but that’s their prerogative.
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Master 0000
Judith · on May 17, 2019 at 7:24 PM
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People you do not get on with regularly just don't matter as wedding guests, either. This aunt you want as officiant, not cousin's mother?
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Dedicated August 2019
Alyssa · on May 17, 2019 at 7:37 PM
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....... why did she change the date? Like why did she tell her to?
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Expert June 2019
thisismrsb · on May 17, 2019 at 7:43 PM
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It sounds like they have a few issues of their own. Any family members who know your aunt and cousin well, will know exactly what is going on and why they're doing it. With that knowledge they will more likely prefer to go to yours anyway.
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VIP October 2021
Jennifer · on May 17, 2019 at 8:34 PM
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My Aunt is my mother’s sister- Grandmother to the hateful one who moved her date- I want m Aunt as my officiant...
Her Daughter & granddaughter are the hateful ones- sadly.
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VIP October 2021
Jennifer · on May 17, 2019 at 8:36 PM
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My cousin and her daughter decided to change the date when my aunt told her that “she was Happy that she would be able to make it to Both of our weddings.”, it was done to be spiteful, hurtful and malicious.
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Dedicated August 2019
Alyssa · on May 17, 2019 at 9:02 PM
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If I were your aunt I wouldn't go to that wedding or feel bad about it. Infact if I were invited to both it would be a no brainer.
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Dedicated June 2019
Summer · on May 17, 2019 at 11:07 PM
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That is crazy that she is doing that to you! It isn't fair to you or your family. It is almost like she is trying to make the family choose who they care about more by making them decide which wedding to go to. I hope that you can get it resolved and I am sorry that you are going through this.
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Expert February 2020
Hermione · on May 17, 2019 at 11:50 PM
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Well if I was aunt, I would tell hateful cousin, tough cookies and pick your wedding to go to but I am not.

If I was you though, do yourself a favor and don't deal with this. Just cut the crazy out of your life and find a new officiant. You don't need toxic family anywhere near you on a happy day. If some family don't come, it's okay. They didn't matter. I have been you and this is what I did. Cut the crazy tug of war rope out of your life and only define family as the ones who love you.

You're the only person who can allow someone to ruin your day. Anything that will go wrong just will but their are a lot of people with solutions to it. Photographer sucks... Have a bride groom reshoot for example

Quite frankly, how people deal with this level of crazy is... Don't. "Elope" and forget them and their disfunction
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Expert February 2020
Hermione · on May 17, 2019 at 11:51 PM
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I know right... If the cousin even asked why it's an easy answer, "You caused this, you fix it."
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