So I will go ahead and pre-warn that this will most likely be a long post, plus also a venting session. I won't mind comments, thoughts and opinions being shared from anyone with the "outsider perspective".
After getting engaged and taking some time in order to think about who I would like to have stand beside me on the wedding day, I decided I wanted to ask my sister if she would be my maid of honor. Even though I knew full well she does and would not have the money in order to pay the full price for the dress, shoes or probably anything else. So taking that into consideration my fiance and I discussed about coming to the conclusion that we would be willing to pay for half the costs of dress and shoes as well as covering the costs for all the girls to get their hair and makeup done, in the hopes of making it easier on everyone. I called my sister and asked her if she would be my maid of honor, then informing her that we would cover half. In which she said "yes".
Overall everything had been going fine as she would try to help when and how she could, and I would involve her in some discussions to get her opinion(s) on some things. There were times when I am in the thick of planning and thinking (being serious) asking for help and opinions, she would only provide joking answers. Which was super frustrating but I would eventually get over it and move on continuing progress with planning. There was a weekend that my sister, one of my bridesmaid, my mom and I went out to go shoe shopping for the ones we would wear at the wedding. Now when it came to my sister she picked out a pair that were on clearance but were still over $100, I didn't make a fuss about because I agreed to pay for half. Once we went to checkout she told me that she didn't have any money with her because her boyfriend needed some so she gave what she had to him. I told her no worries that I would front her cost for the shoes now but to pay me back. Mind you this happened months ago and she has yet to pay me back or even mention as to when I could expect to be paid back.
Now this is where the real drama and issue(s) starts.
Back on February 14th, I had received and email response from the hair and makeup artist/stylist I had hired to take care of myself, all bridesmaids and both Moms giving me some information to pass along to my bridesmaids and Moms. I immediately sent a message out in the Bridal Party group chat to inform the of what I was told. In which my sister replies with a picture of herself with crazy hair......that she had chopped all of it off, asking "do you think they can do anything with this?". I didn't panic at first because she had done this years ago and it looked exactly the same so I thought it was a picture from all those years ago. I eventually reached out to her personally asking if that was a picture from a couple years back, in which her response was " no that is right now from this morning". I was in absolute and complete shock!! I could not believe that she had decided to do something so drastic like that without even mentioning it to me, and I say that because I already had 2 of my girls come to me saying about how they were considering of doing something with/to their hair but wanted to mention it to me first due to the fact of the wedding being later this year. I felt truly grateful and appreciative that they decided to ask/mention it to me before just doing. Now I know it is their body and hair, so I do not have control over them/it, yet I am happy the consideration factor was there on their part to say something. Back to the deal with my sister is that also when I saw her hair I knew that she would have to be taken to a salon later on this year in order to get it cut/trimmed into a style that the hair stylist would be able to style so then the fee I paid would be able to be put to use. I even mentioned this to my sister and she said that I was overreacting and "there is 8 months until your wedding, it'll grow". I tried talking about it with her more, but she refused to respond to anymore of my messages, yet she didn't have a problem taking time to "style" her hair and putting makeup on in order to take more pictures of herself to post on Facebook stating "And to think I was crying over this earlier.....btw I regret nothing". Her "friends" commented on the post asking about why she was crying in which she stated that it was due to my messages/questions/comments to her. That is when more of her "friends" started tagging me in their comments, saying all kinds of horrible thing and calling me names such as inconsiderate, careless, heartless, only care about money, greedy" as well as making threats to crash my wedding, insulting me just because it will be my second wedding and saying that it will end in divorce and I need to be ready to pay for the divorce. I could continue on and on as to what all kinds of things that were said about and towards me. Honestly it was at that point that it did not even matter about my sister chopping her hair off, if she wanted it short then fine I don't care and it doesn't matter. But now the fact and issue has become of all her "friends" making these horrendous comments to and about me, and what did my sister do join in with them calling me names as well as not taking up for me and telling them to stop she only encouraged them by saying how appreciative she was with everyone showing how much they cared, loved and supported her and her decision and kept thanking them. Meanwhile these "caring friends" kept saying those comments. She never took up for me or told them to stop, they crossed a line, or that they shouldn't say such things about (me) her sister. I was in complete disbelief she allowed it continue without saying anything towards them, again it wasn't about her hair anymore I could care less, but now the absolute disrespect she was allowing them to do to me was "the straw that broke my back". I was done, apology or not I knew at that point she could have cared less as to how I felt and I was not going to have that kind or level of toxicity in my wedding party because I do not need her to disrespect my friends like that when they have done nothing wrong or towards her.
So as a result I decided to remove her from my wedding party, I have informed her of this and have not heard any response. I will be asking someone else to take her place in the wedding party but not with the maid of honor title, I decided I would change my son's title to "(little) man of honor". I have not chosen someone yet as I want to give myself time to calm down and recenter. As of now I do plan on inviting her as a guest, if she wants to come.
What I am wondering is, I am wrong in the position I have taken with removing her and deciding to eventually "replace" her? Or is there another way I should have gone about it?
If you have taken the time to read all of this, which I know is ALOT, thank you so much for taking the time to do so and thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts, ideas, and/or opinions.
