Family Disappointment

Disappointed, hurt, insignificant, etc - that’s how I feel 🤦🏼‍♀️

Its gonna be okay Bride. I understand that it hurts when people you think you’re going to share your excitement with and then they show you they are simply uninterested. It’s 2021, and everyone has crazy chaotic lives and some of your people that had to decline may have very valid excuses as to why they couldn’t show, but it still hurts, I get that. I feel like back in the good ole’ days people appreciated togetherness with their family and friends a lot more than they do now. Now everything is a chore for many it seems. probably has a lot to do with the fact that people are much busier than they were years ago, but people have such a general lack of excitement for their loved ones in this day and age. Its kind of sad. But just remember that the ones that do you still have that excitement for your happiness are the ones you should focus on.

You're definitely entitled to feel how you feel, but an invitation is not a summons. At the end of the day, no one owes you their attendance (and same for you the next time you get an invitation for an event you don't want to attend). Unless these people have shown their lack of support for you in other ways, I would try not to take a decline of attendance too personally.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Dj Tanner for your kind words! This our first thing we are having together as a couple, we’ve been together for 6 years, so I was really looking forward to getting our families together to meet and mingle. We decided to have it a winery for just that reason - to meet and mingle. We’re setting up yard games and putting thought into making it a fun time - and not the awkward, uncomfortable time that happens at some parties. Just is really upsetting when I remind family, well I went to your engagement party and they say back “that was for families to meet, not an engagement party” 🤦🏼‍♀️. Lol. But gifts were given and they gladly accepted 😄! But it is what it is! This will only mean I will have less gifts to buy and events to go to! Lol!

That is rough but whatever you feel is valid. Some people can’t be pleased no matter what. You might feel better and less stress by cutting them out if they won’t accept you.

View Quoted Comment I think it’s just this isn’t the first time but it’s a big deal if it happened in reverse.

View Quoted Comment Whoops responded to wrong comment

View Quoted Comment Ah nvm! I’m new with this blog setup! Yes I am definitely considering not even inviting these people to the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Ahh yeah, then that makes sense. Unfortunately, you can't control the actions of other people. Only how you react to them. Just try to focus on those who are going to be there and that support you.

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Yeah, this. People attend or don't attend parties for all kinds of reasons. And a wedding carries far more weight than any pre-wedding parties. I wouldn't cut someone out of my life just because they didn't attend a party. But obviously, you know best if they aren't worth maintaining a relationship with.

I actually wouldn't take this personally. There are lots of pre-wedding events to attend and an engagement party, to me, falls kind of low on that list.

View Quoted Comment Yeh, it’s just been a history of it over the years and I almost don’t even want to set myself up for future disappointment but hoping that “maybe they’ll take the wedding more serious” but then it be the same thing. I just get tired of going to everyone’s events, and the same people don’t come to mine. So it’s just really hurtful - I went to their engagement party and they aren’t taking ours as serious. We’ve been together for 6 years and are very serious - so there’s no reason to not take it serious.

View Quoted Comment It’s just that I made their pre-engagement parties important and made sure to attend - while in graduate school full time and teaching full time - which they knew. So I expected them to care just as much as I did since I made sure to make it happen and be there for their day

No one needs any excuses for NOT going to one of your parties. Because there is no duty or requirement to attend them. The engagement party is usually the least attended of the parties, starting with the fact that more than half of all people do not have one. Fewer attend in long engagements, of parties that are held. People mostly attend very new engagement parties, or in a long engagement, around 10-12 months as! he actual wedding is close. A long term couple, if you have held yours, you did it months and months ahead of the
usual for a long term couple. In the worst year financially since the 2008 recession. If you base further party invitations , the wedding, on this, you are foolish. For weddings, go by a long term standard of eho you / and reciprocal they, jave bothered to seek out to do things with over the last 2-3 years, and people who have already extended shower or wedding invitations to you. (batch don't count.)

View Quoted Comment I get that an engagement party isn’t taken as seriously as the wedding. But that’s not my point. It’s the fact that I’ve gone to their engagement parties but they don’t see mine as important. I went to their 30th birthday parties while I was in graduate school but they didn’t come to mine because they were in school for the bachelors or were gambling at the casino. I went their house warming, graduation party, kids birthday parties and more. It’s just literally a history of them not reciprocating. It’s not about me being petty, it’s about the lack of care they have when it’s stuff for our family but we’re always there for their events. It would get really damn old for you too if you were my shoes. Thanks for helping with my stress and hurt. Appreciate it

I get where you are coming from. I didn't have an engagement party but recently with RSVP's coming in I was feeling a little hurt with the people who declined that I had made sure to prioritize their events before... I feel like now that it is my turn, the favor is not being returned. It sucks and of course we all know that no one is obligated to show up for us, but I think it is ok to feel your feelings. Hugs to you!

View Quoted Comment I am in the middle of 2 big families, I have 8 sibs and with 13 sets of aunts and uncles, my cousins their
children, lots. My husband has more. So I am not unsympathetic. I simply think that in suggesting you might cut those who did not go to your engagement party, you are picking the wrong place to cut.
Yes, you actually do need to cut, when what happens to you is happening. As people get married, have children, at some point there are too many occasions to go. And each person or couple does need to cut some too. When it comes to your wedding list, quite seriously, go through about 3 years with a calendar. Don't count times when you meet because you both have been invited to someone else's home or party. But on your own, how many times did you do something with, friends or a family member, where one called or spoke to the other, or sent an invitation, even a casual, Let's get together Sunday for fun, or for some party .You likely have many people you have only seen at other people's parties. If there is anyone where you have not gotten together for fun in 3 years, take them off your lists. Keep one for family you will invite, only at all family things like reunion. Cut people neither of you seeks out. I did not know hubby til a year before we married. But we did go through it and are again. To begin with we went to everyone of each other's occasions. Every birthday too. Forst your brothers a d sister marry. Their wedding stuff, plus an inlaw birthday that is new. Then they have babies, and a baby shower and christening or namingthing, then a birthday everyone of the parents, aunts and uncles attends. But in a few years, you have added maybe 5 or maybe 40 children. And how many friends do the same. Hubby knew well and never missed a birthday of his nieces and nephews when he had 16 of them, when we met. Now he has 46. I had 6 nieces and nephews, and now have 43. When my rothers and sisters call to see who os coming to Ray's graduation or statewide champ on something, maybe we will go, if we can. No longer definitely. Because we have 5 kids of our own. ... My hubby's youngest brother , my BIL and his FI will not have as many people at all their parties as all their older ones. In the same Aug- Nov time, 3 of their brothers and sisters are marrying off their own children.5 of them. .....I assume that in your family and friends groups, for 6-7 years you and your FI have gone to everyone's parties, a half dozen or more kid have been born. For their families 1-3 new birthday parties competing wit yours. Or maybe they are prolific, 10-15. But they show less interest in their younger friends and siblings because they are raising their kids too, and adding kids parties for them. ....If I do not seem sympathetic, I am. But I think it a natural thing. Youngest family members lose much of their aunts, uncles, and older brothers and sisters attention to their own and friend's children. What happens in your family I cannot say. Maybe someone is careless and hurt you. But lifetime reality is that you lose the attention of many friends and your brothers and sisters to their children. So far in 2 years I missed 3 of my oldest 5 nieces and my nephews wedding.That would never have happened a few years ago.

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I completely agree with you!!!