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Devoted May 2023

Expensive Weddings

Ebony, on October 27, 2022 at 4:25 PM Posted in Community Conversations 1 47

Hello ladies:

I have a genuine question that I always wanted to ask so hopefully I can get a few answers.

I understand that having a big wedding for certain cultures is a must/custom, but if its not your custom, why do you want an expensive wedding?

Some people feel that they will only be getting married once (hopefully), so they have the "go big or go home mentality," or others just say, "I have always wanted a big wedding." But why?

Did you know that a study done by The Emory University Department of Economics showed that, "Couples who spent less than $1,000 on their wedding were 47 percent more likely to stay together than those who spent over $20,000." And that's because these couples felt they had something to prove instead of actually getting married for the right reasons.

So, I guess this is what makes me wonder even more if that is the reason people want big, luxurious weddings with a big diamond ring on their finger. I understand that it is difficult to to spend less than $1,000 especially since the price of everything has increased drastically. But again, why do some people feel the need to go all out for ONE day.

47 Comments

Latest activity by Ebony, on November 16, 2022 at 8:38 AM
  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    We are having quite a small wedding (only 25 people), but it is actually costing more than most people we knows large weddings! I definitely have never been a person who even wanted to get married, let alone have a big wedding. So when we got engaged, I knew I wanted something very small and intimate; very nontraditional; very “us”; and a super fun experience. For us, the best way to have fun was to have a destination wedding weekend with our absolutely closest friends and family. And to ensure we were awesome hosts, and that everyone else was able to have a great time as well, we are going above and beyond with the guest experience. For us, it isn’t even about the wedding itself, it’s about the entire experience. So rather than sink a fortune into decor, flowers, videography, etc. we are putting our money into great food and fun experiences for everyone!
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  • E
    Devoted May 2023
    Ebony ·
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    Hey:


    That sounds like a great plan and it makes so much sense ! That’s well spent money…I never understood people who spend $15k+on just decorations and a venue alone. That’s insane.
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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    We did the big wedding instead of eloping because it was really important to my husband to celebrate with family. It was a "smaller" big wedding at 130 people, but bigger than either of us wanted by the time we added everyone. It was somewhere between $**** by the time we finished everything, we kind of gave up on budgeting with decorations and smaller stuff in the end. While we could've made it cheaper since that's pretty expensive for around here, we figured we've been together for over 6 years, own a house already, and are doing okay financially so why not have the wedding we want. With both sets of parents contributions, I think we ended up paying a little over 2/3 of it ourselves.

    One of our "splurges" was booking our venue for the weekend instead of one day so we had more time to decorate and take everything down. It was 3 times more expensive, but was totally worth it. We also tended to just kind of "throw money" at some stuff that would make things easier for us. Caterer can take care of alcohol and we don't have to figure out how much to buy even though that would be cheaper? Perfect, have them do it.

    A lot of money was spent on details that some people choose to skip (which is perfectly fine and they're great to skip when wanting to save) but we've had so many compliments from people about having every single detail thought out. Are there things we skipped because we definitely couldn't have afforded to spend $10,000 more? Absolutely, but we were able to put together the vision we both had for our day and are not in debt because of it.

    As far as feeling like we had something to prove, not at all. My ring isn't the biggest size he could afford because he knew I personally don't want a giant rock on my finger. I'm also the type of person who would be okay without getting married and staying committed to each other forever anyway. We've put in so much work in the years we've been together to try and have the best foundation to start a marriage on that we both figured this better be our only wedding and why not have the things we want lol. I really don't think our wedding was flashy though, we just didn't opt to always find the cheapest option for things.

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  • E
    Devoted May 2023
    Ebony ·
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    Happy your wedding turned out great Smiley smile wish y’all the best!
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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
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    We spent a decent amount on our wedding, but we also stayed within our budget. We only splurged on things that were important to hosting our guests: catering, beverages, appetizers, and optional events throughout the weekend. We also splurged on photo and video, since those will be our best memories of the day for the rest of our lives. We put together hotel welcome bags too, but those were not expensive at all, so I don't count them as a splurge. Everything else (centerpieces, signs, etc) was not a priority. We had minimal ceremony and reception decor, we skipped fancy chargers, only had flowers for the bouquets, and our centerpieces were super cheap to put together. Our mindset was not about having the biggest and best wedding that everyone will talk about for years, or having to prove something or outdo anyone, but instead it was about us hosting our closest family and friends in a city many of them had never visited before, and we wanted to host them in a way that would show our appreciation for everyone traveling hours to celebrate my husband and me.
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  • E
    Devoted May 2023
    Ebony ·
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    That's what I love to hear ❤️I’m happy it was within YAll budget and y’all didn’t splurge just for other people opinions Smiley smile
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  • Orianna
    Devoted December 2022
    Orianna ·
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    We're spending a decent amount on our wedding, but it's not about proving something. We both come from large, close, extended families and even with my family getting a secondary reception four months later, it's costing us what it is. We went for an all inclusive venue, so it provides the ceremony and reception site, as well as all catering services. We got a deal on our DJ, we upgraded our photography package a bit to get a second photographer as having as many photos of the day as possible is important to us, but we went really budgeted on the other stuff.

    My mother is a florist and so she's handling all of our flowers. She's able to get it wholesale and she's winding in some artificial stuff that she got crazy on sale after last Christmas to help fill in. She's also making my dress, so my very custom gown cost me a couple hundred in fabric costs instead of almost 10K for a couture gown. I'm very big on making things look expensive without them actually being expensive. Our aisle candles and hanging lanterns are being done by us - my father in law is even custom bending the shepherd's hooks to hang the lanterns on.

    We splurged on the catering - I love a plated meal so we're going with that vs buffet - and we're doing some fun late night snacks. But we're cutting corners when we can. Our favors are a European chocolate who's US factory is in the town I grew up in, so we have access to the factory outlet and they're having a sale this weekend so we're getting them for half the cost. My ring, though everything I have ever wanted it to be is a lab grown diamond instead of a naturally mined one. It's about 1/4 of the cost of a naturally mined one and better for the environment.

    My parents generously gave us a budget, and we knew what we wanted to spend of our own funding and we've stayed under that. I know people who have eloped and spent almost nothing on their weddings and lasted less than a year, and others who spent thousands and have been together for decades.

    I don't think equating cost with longevity is something that can be done. Weddings are about what works best for you, for the kind of celebration you want. Whether its a $100,000 wedding or a $100 court wedding, a couple's longevity isn't predetermined by this. You can crash and burn because you were trying to prove something without spending the cash.

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  • E
    Devoted May 2023
    Ebony ·
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    That’s cool that a lot of your things are DIY Smiley smile it makes it more special ❤️
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    So when you look at the study, they discuss multiple factors that impacted the relationship between money spent on the wedding and divorce rates. Specifically, they reported that individuals who indicated partners looks as being important in their decision to marry had a higher rate of divorce, and “relatively high household income, regularly attending religious services, having a child with one’s partner, relatively high wedding attendance, and going on a honeymoon are all significantly associated with a lower hazard of divorce.” They also discuss the impact of debt-stress related to wedding expenses being an underlying factor for marriage dissolution. From the data, the picture looks more like if you are just marrying someone cuz you think they’re hot and you spend more money than you can afford on that wedding, the likelihood of divorce increases. If you spend a lot of money on a wedding but you have a higher income to begin with (mitigating the likelihood of debt) and you have high attendance (so your friends and family support this union), you are not at a higher risk for divorce. Article link for anyone interested: https://deliverypdf.ssrn.com/delivery.php?id=066097067102107084095004001111022124061045066084038066109098003011093127104121075093002050032125061099054067107113028119117064053081007021045117082103064081021030035002052115067027125104127074072004082109081088100026127091070119110112113012083007114&ext=pdf&index=true


    We spent about $23,000 on our wedding. We wanted a nice event with our friends and family to celebrate our love, and we look back on the day fondly. We didn’t go into debt to pay for it, and we cut back on things we maybe would have liked but couldn’t afford in the budget. We also live in a high cost of living area. Based on the data, you can extrapolate that there are a lot of variables that moderate this relationship, and most of them are related to the intentions behind the wedding.
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  • E
    Devoted May 2023
    Ebony ·
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    $23k 😳must be nice to afford such a luxurious wedding and not be in debt for it ! Great for you two ❤️I wish y’all the best and longevity 😊
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I mean, we both worked full time, were in our very late 20s, and didn’t have any other debts (cheap no frills apartment, old used cars, relatively thrifty in our day to day), and our parents chipped in a bit (our original plan was to just do the courthouse since we didn’t want to spend that much on a wedding). As I said, I live in a very high cost of living area (NYC-NJ), so food, venues, etc are all very expensive. About $17k of that was the venue/food/beverages at about $135 per person, which was actually a steal (we negotiated down and most venues were around $200 per person after taxes and fees).


    Again, costs are relative. Everyone’s financial situations are different, as are their life stages and priorities. Location also matters. I’m sure if I had gotten married in a different state, it may have been significantly cheaper, but we had it where we grew up and lived and where about 80% of our guests lived.
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  • E
    Devoted May 2023
    Ebony ·
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    That make sense. But that’s great you had parents who were able to pitch in as well 💯were having a destination wedding and it’s about $5000 I wish I can get it cheaper honestly 💯💯i want it to be intimate and very special
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  • Pat
    Rockstar May 2023
    Pat ·
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    This is the third marriage for both of us. I had a VERY difficult divorce (nasty) and my FH lost his wife to cancer. SO many of our friends were there for us individually ( before we met), and supported us in our difficult times. Then when we "found" each other, those same friends were thrilled, and again very supportive of our relationship. SOOO .... for us it was very important to be able to 'thank' everyone and throw one hell of a big party/celebration. Although the guest list is fairly small (95) and the expected attendance is about 80, the weekend will be costing us about $19,000.00. We're older, have no other major bills (mortgage, car loans, etc) so the cost was not a factor. YES, we have a budget, but if I go over a little it won't break the bank, or our relationship. Because of our maturity and previous marriages, we both know that communication is essential!!

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  • E
    Devoted May 2023
    Ebony ·
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    Hello:


    You are definitely a couple I feel deserves it ! I’m sorry y’all went through so much 😢I’m happy y’all get to celebrate and celebrate big !
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  • Mrs.evans
    VIP October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    We were pushed back because of covid now we didnt a large number but once family and friends find out.
    Then they want to be invited to our wedding so me and him had to real sit down and really talk about it. So we did so the number that we set 50 to 65 but it went to 70 but that's because of the plus ones that I pulled the plug and say no more. Our wedding is in a few days both of our parents are elderly so we are also doing for them as well but. We are getting married for us and to let our parents know that we are going to be ok. And we really are totally in love. And I was making sure how to have a nice wedding without going broke some family members and helped us. So we have cut things that were must have for them so we took it out and reminded other family members know that this our wedding and want to be surrounded by love ones.
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  • E
    Devoted May 2023
    Ebony ·
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    You’re wedding is going to be amazing because you have the perfect mindset ❤️wanting to be surrounded by loved ones and wanting to marry because y’all are inlove is the best way to be 🫶🏾
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  • Mrs.evans
    VIP October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
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    Yes I it is and I truly cannot believe it that we are getting married. And I can't wait for us to see each other
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  • Caitlin
    Devoted January 2023
    Caitlin ·
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    I think the biggest thing there is whether or not its monetarily feasible for you to spend a certain amount of money without causing undue financial hardship later on. Our wedding will be about 35K all in but we both have high paying jobs, put money aside each month to make sure its affordable, and are picky about where our money goes. Its not about what other people will think- its about creating a day and environment that WE are excited for. And in our case that means Puerto Rico with a small group of our closest family and friends at our dream venue with good food, drink, and pretty flowers (because I'M obsessed with plants, not for anyone else). That budget though also includes our rehearsal dinner, flights, clothing and accessories and alterations, hotel stay, etc.

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  • E
    Devoted May 2023
    Ebony ·
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    It sounds like all that money is going towards great things 😊and it sounds like it’s going to be a beautiful wedding ! Good luck
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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    You raise interesting questions. I think for us being middle age for our first marriage, we treated expenses as just money. But, out of principle and habit I was strict with our budget-- the boundaries for which were area averages per vendor and my own mental limit. We do live in a high cost of living area with reflected taste level. I figured as long as we researched options and were intentional, we would have no regrets or surprises. The name of the game was less stress, so no DIY, no piecemeal. I do like art and an experience (years in Las Vegas), so decor and guest experience were priorities. We ended at the low end of our budget range with mostly moderate choices. On paper, we would maybe fall low-mid for Manhattan, higher for outer boroughs/ LI, above national average, below 6 figures.


    We used my cash (I don't spend $ ) and his tax return (I know). My parents also gifted us for the purpose of a wedding. I think they knew I would veer towards quiet microwedding (true). My side was also grieving family loss and an isolating pandemic. I volunteer with city medical reserve corps. My now husband had to continually encourage me to celebrate our lives. So with that I stay with my mantra, money is money and people are people.


    As for tradition and expectations, my husband has more pride. He told me if we didn't have a certain amount, we'd only host immediate family. I'm so arrogant, others' opinions matter little. I also don't talk about $ except on WW where everyone's shook. My parents had no intentions as their peers had either passed or declined to fly in another surge.

    Btw, I wouldn't trust a single vendor who values their work at $1k (baker and beauty dependent on workload). They put in alot of talent, hardwork, and hours before, during, and after. I'm not sure what $1k would actually buy.

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