Exes in the Bridal Party

The important part is that you are ok with it and the Ex isn't disrespectful of your relationship (which it sounds like is not an issue in this situation). If all parties involves are cool with it I don't see it as an issue.

No fucking way I would be comfortable with this, but kudos to you if you are. Seriously!! :-)

Since you have no issues with it and are looking forward to meeting her and her wife, then this isn't an advice thread. It's more of an opinion thread. My opinion is probably old fashioned, but "dating" -- especially for two years -- usually implies intimacy. For me, that would be a no go. I'd be fine if he caught up with her at a party or social event (or even invited her to the wedding with her wife/husband/plus one), but standing as his honor attendant at our wedding? No. I'm not that open minded.

^exactly what centerpiece said. No that's too weird and it's not for me.

If it was me, she wouldn't be invited to my wedding much less be in my wedding party but to each their own! Seriously, that's like asking your FH baby mom to be the MOH! Cray cray! Good luck!!

I'm with centerpiece on this one - personally, I wouldn't want to go there..

What Centerpiece Flowers said...

I personally wouldn't have a problem with inviting her to the wedding but I would have a problem with her being in the wedding. I wanted to invited FH's children's mother but he wouldn't let me. I am kinda bummed about it because if it wasn't FH I was marrying than I would invite her to my wedding. I understand why he don't want her there though. I would never be ok with her being in my wedding though.

I'm clearly in the minority here but if my FH had dated someone many years ago and remained friends with them for the entirety of our relationship and I had no problem with the friendship then why would I be upset that he wanted her in his side of the bridal party? She is also married to a woman lol so I can't see how this would be a problem in any way. You aren't threatened by her and your fiance was very sweet to ask your opinion on it.. why not?

I'm with Chastity-- if my DH is close with an Ex, and wants her to stand with him, fine by me. Shows real class on his part to stay good friends with an Ex.

Not as an honor attendant. As a guest? Fine. It's not so much a threat, I think it's just a matter of respect.

But I'm ancient.

No Celia, you aren't ancient! I agree. I don't feel threatened in any way by FH's exs, however - having them stand up as an honored attendant..? Nope. Not my cup of tea.

It may seem strange to some but personally it wouldn't bother me. She's a married women now anyway and since you are comfortable with it then let him choose who he wants on his side.

Definitely not a threat thing. I am in no way threatened by my FHs ex. We have a good relationship and we have a mutual respect for each other and I would invite her to our wedding if I could.

No problem. FH's ex is his best 'woman' she's a lesbian now, so I have zero to be jealous about and she's great.

No. Exes belong in the past and that's where they'll remain.

Eh, FH's best man is my ex. He's pretty much how we met. To be clear, there was a year between dating them, and FH "cleared" it with his best friend before moving forward with anything serious with me. We are all adults, different people than we were 7 years ago when the BM and I dated, and everyone is fine with the situation. Only our close group of friends even know that history, so it's not a big deal. He was FH's best friend first. Do what you feel comfortable with, and don't worry about appearances.

I don't have a problem with an ex maybe attending but being in the bridal party would be a no for me.

I think if you are ok with it fine. I do not think i would be but kudos to you for being so open minded.

It has nothing to do with being threatened by a cob-web covered relationship. It has to do with the fact that there is a reaction -- a very intimate reaction, a facial expression, certain visceral sounds connected with a sexual release -- especially that fireworks moment -- that puts this old relationship in a different category. Truth be told, that realm is mine and mine alone -- at least at the altar, and I'm not magnanimous enough to share that image with anyone standing behind him at the altar. I just couldn't abide any woman or man standing behind him who knew what that reaction looked and or sounded like. I wouldn't be threatened by it, but I would just be distracted and grossed out by it. Like I said -- old fashioned.

Would I be happy to host his former lover and serve them the same unlimited top shelf open bar liquor I was serving to everyone else? Yes. Would I ask the former lover and their plus one to select prime rib, chicken marsala, or salmon? Yes. Why? Because that individual's life and my FH's life intersected, and when it came time to provide a list of wedding guests, he included her/him. Would I give my stamp of approval on anything more than a wedding invitation? Hell, no. The former lover is just a guest -- a few steps below Aunt Claire or Uncle John.

Knowing my husband, he wouldn't have even ventured into this are, but if he had, how would I have reacted? It's all supposition, because it didn't happen. However, if I were that hung up on it, he would have dropped the subject. So, I'd probably be okay with it if he only wanted her to attend as a guest. However, there is no way she'd ever warrant a place among the attendants.