Evil Step-mother issues

Thats so sad. You should be able to talk about anything with your dad. If you must, talk about how you are feeling in front of her so that she knows how this whole situation is making you feel. I wonder if she needs to be medicated...

Ok this is kinda twisted..... but how about she makes invitations and you only send those to people she knows and everyone else gets what you really want?

Lindsay- I love that idea lol.... Ya it is twisted and i dont know what to do.... I have to keep her happy for him to be there but i dont know how much of her crap i can handle... our wedding is not until Aug. 20, 2011. That is a long ways away

Ruby- you took the words out of my mouth.... I think she does need to be medicated. I have told them many times about how i feel but they just get mad and yell at me..

It is hard. I have a stepdad and will be a stepmom and it is a tough thing in life to deal with on both ends. If it makes you feel better, I still have my mom and she is driving me totally insane!

As a future stepmother myself I am angry at her for giving us a bad name! I liked Ruby's idea, since she can't stand you talking about her behind her back I would talk to both of them face to face. And not to be super rude, but if it's making you this upset it's ruining the whole wedding planning process for you- and your dad should be p'ed off that you're unhappy! You may have to find a time to have an honest and open-hearted talk with your dad and let him know that your job is NOT to keep your stepmom happy, it's to get married and have the best day of your life. If dad won't take your side against her, you might have to reevaluate if it's worth it to constantly try and please the evil one to have your dad at the wedding. Sucky situation- I'm sorry!

Brian, That is a good suggestion but we live 3 hours apart so that does not seem like something that will work for us.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. As a stepmom I try to encourage my husband to spend alone time with his boys, but when I'm not there, they keep asking him when I'll be back! LOL. I think Lindsay's suggestion is good. Maybe give her things to do that you don't care TOO much about. It's important to you to have your dad there, so unfortunately you may have to play her game.

Ditto the others. You poor cinderella!

I am sorry that you have to deal with her. But this is what I would do. you shouldn't have to tip toe around her because you want your dad in your life. If your dad is going to not go to your wedding because she doesn't want him to, there is something wrong there. I personally I would tell my dad that you arent going to make her happy just because you want him there and tell him if he doesnt like that then he isn't welcome. I would be overly mad if I was were sister and stop talking to him. I am sorry is this is harsh. I had a rough life and this is how I would handle it.

Lindsay's suggestion is a good one. I honestly don't think either your step-mom or your Dad will change. It sounds as though your Dad knows what's going on (if he knows how your step-mom is with y'all visiting alone.) Confronting them now may just tick them off, your step-mom will pull some BS and your Dad won't come. Is there anyway to limit contact to preserve the peace? Send anything she does to the people she and your Dad invites to the wedding and do something different (what you originally wanted) to those you and FS invite. If something comes up about that, just say you ran out of invites etc and had to make more.

Thanks so much everyone. My dad knows how she is... he has paid me to deal with her when i was in college on my vacations. But yes i am thinking about doing that with the invitations. just to make her happy but if it comes to it then he just wont come and my grandpa (moms dad) will walk me down just like he did with my sister.

She does sound like an evil step-mom, but your dad sounds like he's not doing a thing about it. Is he co-dependent? It sounds like he just lets her walk all over him so that at least he'll be with someone. I ask cause of my cousin. After her parents got divorced her dad moved in with a controlling alcoholic and alcoholic has slowly driven a wedge so deep they maybe talk once a year (and he lives an hour away). Her dad is extremely co-dependent and would never leave that woman because he can't bare to be on his own.

If your dad is letting step-mom get between him and his daughters, it's as much his fault as it is hers.

Christine, maybe Brian's suggestion would work if you could find a counselor half-way between you and dad/stepmom, so you'd only have to drive 1.5 hours instead of 3.

Maybe...

This lady reminds me of my fiancee's stepmom. His father is extemely dependent on her. He can't make any decesions on his own. I feel bad about pushing him to get closer, which backfired and ruined our christmas last december. She told us to buy 2 secret santa gifts for her christmas party, we also got presents for her grandkids and his dad. My fiance's dad called him late christmas eve angry because we didn't get her anything and "Thats my wife blah blah blah!". The year before they didn't get us anything. My fiance can't understand why some men like woman who rule thier lives. The only good thing, is he is very close with his mom's husband. Who is a good man and has more than made up for the lack of his dad in his life.

Maria- oh man i so understand what your FH is going through. It is so hard to deal with a dad who wont stand up for what he feels and let Her walk all over him and control every aspect of his life. I wish you and him the best of luck. My FH is struggling with it and wants nothing to do with them. it makes it hard because my family is not that big so i try to stay close but it is almost impossible. I cringe when i call them and she answers but that is what it is.

My mom died when i was younger as well and my dad remarried and now I'm not sure what do put on the invitations because I don't want people thinking that my step mother is my actual mother. To my new friends in my 20s I don't really bring it up that my mom died so they might assume that she's mom mom from the invites. What should I do about the engagement party invites (hosted by them) and the wedding? What did you do?