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Soon2Bemarried
Devoted September 2022

Etiquette Tips on How to Decline Wedding Planning Help?

Soon2Bemarried, on June 9, 2021 at 3:08 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5
How do you properly and politely convey to your step parent that you do not want their participation financial or otherwise in your wedding plans, other than attending the wedding ceremony and reception as the spouse of your parent?


This is a step parent who is offering to pay for certain things in the wedding. This is a step parent also that you’ve never had any relationship with outside of saying hello and goodbye, it was mutually understood that no olive branch would be extended on either side to get to know each other in the over 15 years you two have known each other. No bad blood, just no commonality other than their spouse is your parent.

5 Comments

Latest activity by SLY, on June 10, 2021 at 7:54 AM
  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Hmmm...it's a tough one. I would first minimize any wedding talk around the parent, and also decline any financial help from the. UNLESS the step parent and parent have combined marital funds and so the help is also coming from the parents, if that makes sense?

    And when they do ask about wedding stuff, be really vague and talk about how you are enjoying making plans, you've discovered how much you love all the little details...general stuff, and then change the topic. When you change the topic, make it something to do with them that will catch their interest.

    If they have social awareness, they'll pick up that you don't want any help.

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  • Soon2Bemarried
    Devoted September 2022
    Soon2Bemarried ·
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    They do have combined money as a married couple, at least I would assume, but the particular items she offered to pay for only relate to my attire (which my actual parent had not mentioned contributing to so I’m not sure which monies are being used). Either way yes I haven’t spoke much about the planning which I think has been noticeable, which could also be why she offered something.
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  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    Since you've said that you don't speak about the wedding much around them, then they could honestly just want to be nice and contribute. FMIL's bf is paying for our DJ as a wedding gift and we've only met him a few times, but he insisted. But I also think it's a delicate situation because you don't want to be rude, but you also don't want them to think they have automatic rights to wedding decisions just because they had a monetary contribution.

    If she offers again and you truly want no help, just kindly say: "Thank you so much for your offer, I'm really grateful, but I would prefer to do/pay for xyz on my own." or " Thank you so much for your offer, but we would rather do this on our own, and would love for you to just focus on being our guest, and enjoying our wedding with us!"

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  • Soon2Bemarried
    Devoted September 2022
    Soon2Bemarried ·
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    That’s a nice way to put it! But you also know there are people who feel insulted by you declining their help. They also think that titles, example being step parent, means they can impose their will on you and you’re supposed to take it because why would you say or think otherwise smh.
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  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    Yeah I mean you're always going to get a different reaction from people regardless of your delivery of your message! You can't control how people react to things, but I think it's important to stand your ground, especially during wedding planning. There's been so many posts on here of people asking for advice because they let xyz pay for something or xyz is being overbearing and taking over the wedding planning because xyz paid for something.

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