Etiquette Q: can't attend, still purchase gift?

I personally would not attend the shower but still send a wedding gift. This could be horrible etiquette but that's how I would handle that situation hahaha

I agree with kaylarae. Don't attend the shower but send a wedding gift. It doesn't have to be overly expensive, just pick something off the registry.

Yes, it is "customary" to still send a wedding gift. Unfortunately a lot of ppl invite guests they know won't attend in the hopes of getting more gifts. . . :/

Yup. I agree. Send a small gift. It doesn't have to be expensive.

If you don't attend the bridal shower I don't think you need to send a gift. I do think you should send a gift for the wedding though.

Hmm...maybe I'm in the wrong here, but just to give you a real-life story: I am inviting people to my wedding that I know won't be able to make it. I am doing it for two reasons: first to let them know they are important to me and I would like to include them in the special day, and second because my sister wants to invite them to the shower. In my case, I will be having a shower near where my parents live and I expect that a lot of people will come to the shower instead of coming to the wedding. I don't expect any kind of wedding card/gift, but I know these are people who care about me and would like to attend some kind of wedding function and give us a gift. It could be a factor here that I am asking for mostly medium-priced household items, which are great for shower gifts. If I was in the same situation and could attend the shower, I would do so and buy a reasonable shower gift, then not worry about the wedding.

Like I said, I don't know if this is 'correct' or not. But it's what we're doing, since I think that is what the largest number of my guests would appreciate. The majority of our wedding guests will be FH's family and friends from the area he (well, we now) live in, so the shower my sister is throwing is the major chance my friends from growing up have to support us.