Etiquette on someone throwing you an engagement party w/ people not invited to the wedding?

Anyone invited to pre-wedding events should be invited to the wedding. If it's a smaller wedding, then your guest list for everything else is smaller too. It's rude to invite people to the lead-up but not the main event.

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I think so, too. My mom/sister want me to have a bigger wedding and throwing me a pre-wedding party is their way of celebrating with more people. I have to keep telling them no and I feel bad but I don't know what else to do

View Quoted Comment At the end of the day, they'll be the rude ones. However, since it's "in your honor," you can stand your ground and say that it is rude and you want no part in it, so you'd rather they didn't throw you the engagement party. They can celebrate with those people separately or you can gave a get-together after the wedding as other alternatives.

This comes off as gift grabby, so don't be afraid to put your foot down and say you'd prefer not to have this party.

I agree with both previous posters, people invited to pre wedding events should absolutely be invited to the wedding, otherwise it seems gift grabby

View Quoted Comment I was in the exact scenario. I’m having a tiny wedding and my mom/sis wanted to use an engagement party as an excuse to celebrate big. I had to put my foot down because it felt super weird to me.


Our reason for the small wedding was Covid and so a big engagement party would completely negate that excuse. I told them that we could maybe do something casual AFTER the wedding/Covid so we could show pics and it didn’t seem like a ploy for gifts.

If someone chooses to host it for you, graciously accept. People’s know that there is a chance that they won’t be invited to the wedding but they still want to share your happiness. It’s a different concept than the shower where only invited guests attend.


Maybe it’s me and the social circles I have been in but I would never view an engagement party as a gift giving event along the lines of a shower. They aren’t done where we’re from but that is how we and our families/friends would view it.

We did an engagement party a few months after our engagement and hosted a fancy party for about 50 family and friends in august 2019 (pre covid). Everyone knew we were planning. A private ceremony “elopement” in Kauai early in 2021. We liked it because unlike a reception gifts we’re not expected. If people thought it was rude I don’t care. Everyone seemed to have a great time.

People who are invited to pre-wedding events need to be invited to the wedding. Otherwise you're literally asking them to attend a party in honour of something that they are excluded from. That's really rude. You'll run the risk of hurting feelings.

You asked about the etiquette and it's clear, that's rude.