Etiquette in the time of coronavirus?

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Kari - that's exactly what I was thinking - two different looks; plus, none of this is exactly ideal, so we have to make the best with what we have to work with.

Even before this pandemic, people got civil marriages and then did formal ceremonies later for many reasons (military deployments and wanting to include family later being a big one that comes to my mind). I see no reason whatsoever for people not to do this if they choose. As others have mentioned, etiquette and tradition are not law.

In these corona times, it is a wedding reception as you could 100% not help that a virus got in the way of your plans. You can still do all the traditional stuff and no one will bat an eye, your guests love you and understand the circumstances! This is something unprecedented, so I don;t think anyone will throw the etiquette book at you!

View Quoted Comment I just wanted to say you aren’t alone. You put into words exactly how I am feeling.


My fiancé is 42 and I’m 36. We have both watched plenty of other couples have their special day throughout the years. When it’s finally our turn a global pandemic occurs. We should be excited and counting down. Now it’s a feeling of loss, it’s not fair, and the stress/anxiety of what’s happening in the world.
A ton of our married friends told us just to elope. It’s very frustrating to hear when they got to experience a traditional wedding. We are also not an extravagant couple, but we want to be able to get dressed up and host a reception.
I feel like during an unpredictable viral pandemic you do what will make you happy and not have regrets later in life. If that means something small now and a wedding celebration later with all of the traditions then go for it! Virtual hugs!

Reena - thank you for sharing. I think some people don't realize how hurtful their comments and indifference can be, I think some people (not all) honestly are just envious that that part of their lives is over, and now that it's our turn, instead of being comforting, their response is "oh just deal with it and elope." Yeah ok - how would they feel?

You are definitely not alone either.

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Reena, your feelings are 100% valid. We're in our mid-30s and in 2018 alone we went to six weddings, five within a three month period. Together we've probably been to a dozen weddings or so over the past five summers. Individually, we've seen countless of our friends get married, including a number of younger couples who had a healthy runway for family planning pre-pandemic and will still have a number of years to have children after this has died down. We've gone to weddings that end in divorce just a year or two later (the entire relationship from first date to divorce shorter than the amount of time my FH and I have been together) and gone to the second weddings of younger friends that have remarried - people who have had two gorgeous dream weddings when we can't even have one. It is heartbreaking for it to finally be "your" time after waiting so long and then have Covid-19 come along and shatter everything. Even though it is not, it feels so personal. It's one thing to choose to elope or do a private wedding because that is what you want, it's another to be forced to because of circumstances.

I've had people say they "get it" when they've never had a stable relationship in their life, have never been engaged or married, and never planned a wedding. I've found it best to just call these people out for being insensitive, and generally the people I'm talking about my wedding to care and quickly correct their ways when I've told them their comments hurt me. Most of our friends and family, fortunately, have all said "you do what is best for you, we love you and support you and will celebrate with you when the time is right."

You do you. No one who isn't in your exact position with your lived experiences has any right to tell you what is wrong and what is right in this bizarre circumstance. I hope whatever you plan (and whether is one event or two events or ten) is amazing!

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the words of encouragement!


It’s nice to finally talk to people in the same shoes that understands.

View Quoted Comment With close friends we had to finally tell them saying to elope is hurtful. Usually my fiancé and I just need someone to vent to. We know no one can give us the answers.


If we can still have a traditional wedding with just immediate family and our bridal party we will gladly run with that. I’m an introvert and I was starting to get nervous saying our vows to a big crowd.
We all will get through this. I’m trying to look on the bright side...years from now it won’t matter if we have to wait another year when we will be married to our spouse for the rest of our lives.

View Quoted Comment And thank you for sharing as well!

My thoughts.. people are going to have something negative to say no matter what you do. Do what you and your FH want.

The closer June 20th approaches, the more I think that I just want to elope. June 20th is the date my heart is set on,. That is when I want my anniversary to be. So we are going to keep it a secret. Only telling a few people that we are getting legally married on June 20th. I don't even want to legal marriage to be a big deal. I want it to be as simple as possible because I want to save the big emotions to be on my actual wedding. I will not be "walking down the aisle" during our legal marriage. I won't even get dressed up. We plan to do a wedding celebration later this year or next. That's when I will have my wedding of my dreams that I planned for 2 years , and I will get to wear my wedding dress. I eventually do need to spills the beans that we got legally married on June 20th, so I just need to figure that part out and the language I will use for our new save the dates/ wedding invites. But we don't even have a new wedding date yet. Just kinda waiting to see if we could do it later this year.

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I would word it as "our wedding continued" or "our wedding part 2" instead of "vow renewal and celebration of marriage" on the invitations. This way your extended family will get it without you having to explain, BUT, if they don't and would disapprove, in the middle of a global health crisis, then they shouldn't attend anyway. OR, you could always send a "we eloped!" card and then word it so that guests know you are still planning something down the road.

I get wanting simplicity for the elopement - that's what an elopement is supposed to be. You could wear a sleek dress or something like that, doesn't have to be white, and maybe order champagne and a single tier small cake for the two of you to enjoy at home after. It doesn't have to be formal to be memorable.

My advice: the longer you wait to try to schedule the big wedding and reception for later this year, the worse off you will be in terms of availability for vendors, besides, I'm assuming you'd want to give your guests a heads up at least a few months in advance? And the longer you wait to postpone to 2021, there may no dates left (that was a very real fear of mine esp. with a popular venue).

I hope this helps. At least you will still have June 20th.