Etiquette for small ceremony/larger reception?

You should only do this if it's truly and "intimate" ceremony with immediate family only - parents, sibling and grandparents. Possibly one MOH and best man as well (2 close friends). Otherwise you are picking and choosing who is important enough to attend the ceremony and that can be tricky. People will be offended.

I'm curious to hear the responses to this as it is what I am doing. I'm like your fiance and don't want a huge ceremony but I do want to celebrate with people. So, I am having an immediate family only destination wedding and the "reception" when I get back home where everyone will be invited. Different from you though I don't plan to have friends in attendance at the ceremony. I feel like that could create drama. Just my one best friend as my bridesmaid and my fiance will have one groomsman. So, I'm a little sad to have to sacrifice having a bigger bridal party for my ceremony. As far as etiquette goes for this situation I have learned I can't call my reception a reception but rather a celebration of my marriage. Some people will be offended to only be invited to the reception and you have to convince yourself to not care. They should get over it if they care about you because you have your reasons for doing it the way you are. Majority of people however will not care. This sort of thing is becoming really common and acceptable. And honestly, it's typically the reception everyone remembers anyways. You're providing guests food and entertainment so why do they need to be upset?

Our friends did this and I didn't even think about being offended or hurt. I completely understood that they wanted to only have their family at the ceremony and loved that I was still able to celebrate with them afterwards. I think that they still had the ceremony on their invite, but said something like "Family only ceremony at 4pm; reception for family and friends at 7pm" or something like that.

My FH and I constantly argued about this. I wanted a bridal party and a wedding with 100 people; he wanted 30 people ceremony and 150 people at the reception. We ended up deciding to have a destination wedding, and a reception a month or so later, as it was the only way we could compromise.

I wish you luck, because I know a dw isn't for everyone. But I know from experience that this argument is frustrating. I hope you find your compromise!

Lol, yes, Danielle it is definitely a stressful situation. My fiance wanted a bigger wedding so he could have all his friends be a part of it but I've just never envisioned a huge ceremony. Just me and my husband and a small group on the beach. This turned into our biggest debate we'd ever dealt with. But in the end we heard each other out and compromised and feel pretty good with our plan. How did yours work out? Did any guests seem to mind not being included in the ceremony?

Gotta ask, is your fiance also american? If not, this may be how it's done where he's from (UK and a number of others)

Personally (as a Scot), I wouldn't be fussed if I was only invited to the reception. Then again, it would depend on my relationship with the couple. Immediate family? I'd be kinda hurt but understand and get over it. Extended family or friends? Not bothered at all, weddings are expensive.

Totally agree with Emily S. You can do intimate, but no friends then because someone's feelings WILL get hurt. You never know who might consider you to be a closer friend than you think.

If you do 'intimate' it has to be truly small; immediate family and you four best friends. We do this all the time; for several of my couples who chose this route, I even went to the reception and introduced them, with a small, sweet piece about how the family only ceremony went (they had it in their recently renovated living room, a very personal spot for them, and only eight people came).

I think most people will understand this; many, many people have anxiety about intimate moments in front of huge groups. And frankly? The level of respect that I see from many guest invited to the ceremony (showing up late, spending the whole thing on their cell phones or taking cell phone photos, allowing their kids to make noise.....) I think this is a totally viable alternative. At least you know the people who are there really care about being there.

I agree with both Emily and Christine. If your going to do this then the wedding has to be immediate family only. You can not pick and choose between friends.

I did a destination wedding with 25 guests and then my MIL threw us a "reception", at her home for relatives and friends. I personally didn't want to have it but it was my MIL's thing. No one was offended as far as I knew after all they knew we were doing an intimate destination wedding for only our closest friends and family. Throwing a reception on the same day/place as the ceremony is a little different. I also don't quite understand how you consider 150 people "small" but then again I've never understood the whole invite everyone you have ever known notion. If there aren't limitations with your ceremony venue I would just invite everyone, it's not like it costs anything more like a reception would, so why not skip the drama?

We're doing a small ceremony and reception for immediate family, a few other family members and friends that we are both close to. We'll then have a celebration a couple months later that we will invite everyone to.

As always, Celias on point!

Thanks, that's exactly what I assumed. In order for it to work, it would have to be immediate family only - which is not what I want! I want my friends and extended family to be able to share in BOTH parts of the day

We are having a small ceremony (40) and a larger reception (150). However, we kind of get off the hook with people complaining about not being invited to the ceremony because we are having it on my parents property. Not only would the logistics of having 150 people there be a nightmare, but they also have a large wooded area and a pond on the property. So, I stated on our website that due to safety concerns, we are keeping the ceremony private with the reception to follow. We didn't want to be worried about small children falling into the pond or wandering in the woods, ect. So it will just be the wedding party, grandparents, siblings, and parents at the ceremony.

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More bumping!

We had a small intimate wedding we had 18 people there during the ceramomy and about 25 for the reception, but then the next day my MIL threw us a small reception at her house who couldn't come. Worked out great and no one's feelings were hurt!

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UUGGGHHH current situation! I want teeny tiny ceremony/elopement and he wants the party. So we "compromised" and are looking at a small ceremony with family (maybe destination) and a larger reception with friends and extended family. BUT IT IS SO FRUSTRATING!

I think you should invite everyone, the reality is that as many weddings as I have been invited to I have only went to a few ceremonies of those very close to me and the rest to the reception. A lot of people skip out on the ceremony and just go to the party unless they're closer to you and want to share that experience. I've read a lot of discussions about inviting certain people to their ceremony and everyone else to their reception and I'd be confused as to why I'm good enough to make the reception cut but not the ceremony cut.

I am glad I wasn't the only one wondering about this, I only got engaged recently so we haven't discussed this yet, but he has such a large family so just with our families and possible plus ones for the ceremony we could be at 80-100. I wouldn't feel comfortable saying immediate family only for the ceremony. I am possibly thinking private ceremony/family only then a reception with all family and work friends.