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Devoted November 2021

Etiquette for not inviting young children?

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Sarah, on August 6, 2019 at 5:59 AM

My guest list is getting out of hand.

My family on my dad's side is huge (6 aunts and uncles with 16 cousins who are 90% married with multiple children). I was lamenting to a friend about this, and she says I could ask for children under a certain age to not come. I genuinely love that idea, because I don't want a reception full of babies lol On top of that, a bunch of my friends recently had children, and I don't want that to keep them off the dance floor!

I asked my mom for her opinion, and she says it would ruffle some feathers and make certain people upset.

Is it rude to ask for? And if not, what age is a good minimum? And how do I ask for it?

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38 Comments

Dedicated February 2020
Elizabeth · on August 6, 2019 at 1:08 PM
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We are doing 21 and over excluding our bridal party (who are all in our immediate families). I have over 50 first cousins on my moms side so we HAD to come up w some type of solution. I haven’t had a lot of backlash but I know some people do. Expect some people (especially out of town guests) to decline. This was one thing I wasn’t willing to budge on. We have a lot of heavy drinkers in our family and social circle and in my opinion it’s just not an appropriate event for children.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on August 6, 2019 at 1:26 PM
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I wouldn't do that. That's just kind of weird esp with mixed age families
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Expert July 2019
Mary · on August 6, 2019 at 1:32 PM
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We just did no children at our wedding. Invites were addressed to directly to the adults and we had a note on our website. Many families had extended family come take care of the kids, a few switched off between family members, others left a little early to relieve the babysitter. Our venue also offered a "summer camp" childcare option for guests staying at the hotel.
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Super February 2020
Jeanie · on August 6, 2019 at 2:44 PM
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The best wording I’ve seen is “adult reception.” You will never get everyone to agree with a no children wedding, and you will for sure upset someone in your family over it. But at the end of the day, it’s your wedding and your budget. You are also allowed to invite only some children, such as your nieces and nephews but not anyone else’s kids. You don’t need to ask for anyone’s permission or tell them ahead of time. They will know when the invite arrives addressed to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe and not Mr. and Mrs. John Doe and Family.
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Super September 2019
Meghan · on August 6, 2019 at 2:47 PM
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There's definitely no way to do it without ruffling some feathers. But if it's what you really want it can be done as long as you stick to your guns. We're doing no kids under 13. Originally we had 18+ but got talked down by FMIL.
We also are providing childcare at the church and willing to help anyone who needs child care during the reception find it (though so far we haven't).
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Dedicated February 2020
Julie · on August 9, 2019 at 9:02 AM
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We said no one 18 or younger! We only had one cousin who was 16 and knew it would cause problems with other family members despite him being several years older. If it ruffles feathers, it ruffles feathers - just be prepared for people not to come.
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on August 9, 2019 at 7:15 PM
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I kind of feel like a daughter and a sister are acceptable exceptions to a no children under 18 wedding. Frankly, you're going to ruffle some feathers no matter what you decide. I can't imagine anyone actually complaining that you allowed those two to attend.
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Just Said Yes July 2020
Janalyn · on August 10, 2019 at 9:00 PM
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I wish i could set an age limit... but my fiances children might be involved in our wedding and they're 7 and 5
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Dedicated August 2020
Stephanie · on August 10, 2019 at 9:13 PM
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We are not having kids either and I don't think you're ruffling feathers especially if you give them enough notice to arrange child care.
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Super September 2020
Naikesha · on August 12, 2019 at 1:59 PM
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I would stick to no kids or people will still bring them if you say 5+ lil johnny who is 2 will still be there. I've seen it happen,

I used this for my invite “To allow all wedding guests, including parents, a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry, we respectfully ask that no children attend the reception.
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Dedicated September 2019
Sara · on August 12, 2019 at 2:04 PM
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We did immediate family only. My grandma suggested no kids but I didn't want my stepdaughters (8, 13, and 15) to be the only kids there. So we invited my SIL's kids and my brothers stepsons. We also invited "like-family" children (our best friends' children). We will only have 8 or so there under 16 so it's not a big issue.
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Super September 2019
H · on August 12, 2019 at 2:11 PM
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I feel like it should either be no kids at all or all kids. If you do no kids at all though, don't count on those with new babies or possibly even toddlers to come. It's perfectly fine if you go that route, I just think it would be rude to only allow kids of a certain age in my opinion.
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VIP September 2020
Willow · on August 12, 2019 at 2:24 PM
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No matter what you do, some guestzilla is going to get offended.
If your guest list is out of control already, I'd start with no kids and go from there. FH and I are also contemplating a Friday wedding, one of the perks being that the "obligatory" invitees will probably be less likely to come.
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Expert February 2020
Sara · on August 12, 2019 at 2:33 PM
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In your case I would do an adult only reception..which people should know means 18 and up.

I invited all of the children from our large families..so our guest list is about 200 adults and about 46 children. It sounds scary..but the save the dates are out!
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Expert February 2020
Sara · on August 12, 2019 at 2:35 PM
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Haha. I like the obligatory invitees.
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Devoted May 2021
Eyonna · on August 12, 2019 at 2:55 PM
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My FH's family is huge with kids of all ages. We have opted for a kid free (including bridal party) wedding to not have any confusion. The stress alone, not worth it. Sure we want everyone to come but its also an expense at our venue that we really love so to put all the questions and scenarios aside no children.
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Devoted November 2021
Sarah · on August 12, 2019 at 3:22 PM
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Ooh I really like that wording
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Dedicated August 2019
Amanda · on August 12, 2019 at 11:13 PM
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We are only having children in the bridal party, one 3 year old cousin from out of state, and maybe a couple of infants of close friends.

We included a section on our website, “while we love your little ones, venue constraints only allow us to have children of the bridal party (or something to that nature). Secure a babysitter and enjoy a night off!”

We also included several options for babysitting services. Our friends understood and most are actually looking forward to a night without the kiddos!
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