Etiquette for having moh stepping down.

If you've dropped her from the wedding party, you should reimburse her for all expenses that she incurred.

You fired her or you gave her an out after seeing how stressed she was? What was she so upset about? Was this related to your perception or hers of wedding related responsibilities or was it totally unrelated? In general, firing someone from a wedding party can be a friendship ending move.

View Quoted Comment I gave her an out seeing how stressed she was the closer the wedding got the more she started to spiral out of control and the more frequent she started to take it out on me. She told me she was very stressed out about walking down the aisle and standing in front of all those people and having all those people watching her to make some kind of mistake.
I was very concerned about her mental health at this point. At the same time I don't her to be so full anxiety that she just falls over (which has happened before).
It didn't en out friendship but she did choose to not come to the wedding, because it would be too hard for her to be a guest instead of the MOH.

It sounds as if she’s not doing well and that none of this was in your control. Regardless, it’s no excuse at all for her to mistreat you. If it was her choice to step down I don’t know why she’s unwilling to attend the wedding. TBH, emotional issues or not I’d be distancing myself from anyone that rude to me for no reason. Personally, I don’t have any friends like that.


As for paying her back, again it depends on whether it was ultimately her choice to step down. If it was then you don’t owe her anything. If not, definitely reimburse her for the dress. I wouldn’t worry about a small girl’s night out, especially if you’re intention is to continue the friendship. Just treat her next time.

Her mental health is more important if she is a true friend. Take time away from wedding planning to check in and see how you can be there for her in her time of need.


If she is completely dropped out, then reimburse the full amount that she has spent.

If she’s experiencing a mental illness crisis, and dropped out on her own, it’s not your obligation to pay her back, though it could certainly be a generous thing to do in support of a friend. But I’m still stuck on her lashing out at you for no reason. As I say, there’s no excuse for that.


PS Edit to “your “ intention in previous post.

View Quoted Comment Yeah since she stepped down she is now not coming to the wedding. But thank you so much for your in input i really appreciate it

View Quoted Comment Do you think she felt pressured to step down or that she’s upset?

View Quoted Comment She said that doesn't want to see anyone replacing her roll that was hers because it would be to hard for her to look at for her.

View Quoted Comment That's what I've been doing lately. Just talking to her about news in the world instead of talking about my personal life. I'm keeping her on the back burner while everything else is up front for now. And see how she does later. 😕

And the weird thing is I tried giving her other rolls that are less stressful, but she didn't want to hear about any of it. 😕 She said if it's not MOH or none at all. So I just gave up since she was just so stressed about all of her duties.
And the thing about it she begged to be the MOH and I just felt so pressured to say yes that i couldn't say no 😑 the whole thing is a messed up situation. 😕

View Quoted Comment If she’s the one who opted to step down over the stress, saying it’s MOH or nothing doesn’t
really make much sense.

The story kind of sounds like maybe she didn't want to step down, and is now feeling hurt about it?

View Quoted Comment OP originally said she said she “had the MOH step down” but in response to a Q implied she did not “fire” her, but offered the option to protect her mental health including after some less than acceptable behavior. It’s very possible that the ex MOH interpreted all this not being optional.

View Quoted Comment She didn't want to step down but her mental stress was getting so bad that she wasn't sleeping at night at all. She even had to get checked into a mental hospital to get it figured out😕 but there wasn't really much of choice since all of her stress, mental breakdowns and outbreaks were stemming from this wedding.

View Quoted Comment

Oh, I see. Yes, then I can see why she doesn't want to go to the wedding if she didn't want to step down. That must have hurt. I guess moving forward try to focus on being a friend to her, and leave your wedding aside. I feel bad for her, and hope she feels better soon.

This is such an unfortunate situation. I truly hope she gets the help she needs. The wedding should be the least of her concerns but probably isn’t. I can understand why she doesn’t want to attend under the circumstances.


As I said earlier, mental illness or no there was no excuse for mistreating you or taking her issues out on you. I hope she gets well soon, but it’s also your call where the friendship goes from here.

This all sounds very odd. Is she not able to leave the house at all for events? The MOH has no duties, it is an honorary role. If she is having that much stress from just walking down an aisle, I do hope she gets the help she needs.

View Quoted Comment I know for sure she doesn't leave the house much because she doesn't drive. Her mom is in control of everything she does. From what I remember her mom is still her guardian even tho she is 33 yrs old, something about that she isn't capable of taking care of herself on her own. I heard she is getting some kind of help. I really do hope it works out for her.

View Quoted Comment

Your posts are very conflicting. If she is your MOH then that would suggest she is one of, if not your very closest friend. You should know 100% of all these items. If she was this bad off that she cannot even take care of herself, why would you think she would be able to be your MOH? A few posts back you said she checked herself into a mental hospital due to the stress of just standing there? and now you "heard she is getting some kind of help". This is all very strange.