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Alison
Beginner October 2018

Estranged father found out I was getting married.

Alison, on June 22, 2017 at 5:19 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 28

I haven't spoken to my father in months. Long story short, my parents divorced over 25 years ago. He now lives with a woman who has done nothing but cause chaos and drama for 8 years, including speaking ill of our mother to me and my siblings, thinking we would side with her (we won't, ever). He had...

I haven't spoken to my father in months. Long story short, my parents divorced over 25 years ago. He now lives with a woman who has done nothing but cause chaos and drama for 8 years, including speaking ill of our mother to me and my siblings, thinking we would side with her (we won't, ever). He had left her last fall, but because he refuses to take care of himself, he went back to her a month later and now my siblings and I are estranged from him. He found out through the grapevine that I was getting married before I could tell him (he's never properly met my fiancé). I'd been working out how to do so in therapy sessions, but before I could, I got blasted with nasty texts from his girlfriend about how hurt he was, before he sent me a nasty text to which I didn't respond. Anyone have any words of advice on how to deal with this? I really want zero to do with him if she is in the picture, but I don't know how to tell him that he's not invited without inviting drama.

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28 Comments

  • Chivy
    VIP September 2018
    Chivy ·
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    You don't need to tell him he's not invited, just don't invite him.

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  • love8432
    Super May 2018
    love8432 ·
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    Ignore. Sorry you're going through this

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  • Meet_The_Clarks
    VIP June 2018
    Meet_The_Clarks ·
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    I'm in he same boat. I haven't spoken to my father in 2 years and I don't associate with any of his family either. My uncle(his brother) sent me a long text about how I should forgive him, etc etc. it's a long story about why we don't talk, some of it including domestic violence towards my mom. Just don't respond. Blocking his number is always a good way. You never see the calls or text messages. You don't owe him an explanation at all. No is a complete sentence

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  • FutureMrsAF
    Super August 2017
    FutureMrsAF ·
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    My dad did something very similar, except for that I did tell him that I was engaged and I chose to invite him thinking I would regret it if I didn't. He threw a fit and sent nasty texts to my mom and me because I chose someone else to walk me down the aisle. So he says he's not coming... I'm betting he will change his mind soon but at that point it's going to be "look, you said no, now I'm at capacity..."

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  • MDEasternShoreBride
    VIP October 2017
    MDEasternShoreBride ·
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    Good for you! you deserve happiness!

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  • firstoneat56
    Master August 2017
    firstoneat56 ·
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    Sounds like an excellent plan and I'm so happy you are taking good care of yourself.

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  • Meaghan
    VIP November 2017
    Meaghan ·
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    Alison - I think you did the absolute right thing by bringing this to your therapist and working out a plan with her and blocking the drama from your life. Congrats on your upcoming wedding, and I hope that you can put your father's immaturity and ugliness aside and enjoy your day.

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  • N
    Master December 2016
    Nancy ·
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    Block all forms of communication. You owe him nothing.

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