Estranged father found out I was getting married.

You didn't even tell him you were engaged. He would have some balls thinking he gets an invitation to the wedding. Let your therapist know about what happened and come up with a way to communicate with him effectively.

Ignore the messages from her. Ignore him too, or tell him his behavior is why you haven't involved him and you'll talk to him when he can act like a mature adult.

I am so sorry you're going through this with him and it hurts to have estranged family members like that, but the drama can stay all in his personal pity party. Do not engage with them, it'll only stress you out. He'll know he's not invited when he continues being estranged for his and his girlfriend's terrible behavior.

Password protect your website. Talk to your siblings and whatever "grapevine" fed him the information and make sure none of your wedding details make it down the same path.

I would just respond "these types of nasty texts are why you're not invited" and then block them both.

Do not respond to those messages. And don't feel bad about the situation they have created for themselves.

When the trash is full and starting to stink, it's time to take it out.

What would your therapist recommend? He/she knows you and the situation well. What would be the best solution if him separating from her is not an option? Next step kinda depends on the answers to those questions. You have almost a year, just don't respond to him and talk to your therapist.

I would not respond to any nasty messages, even if they are from my father. A father puts his kids first, divorced or not and knows how to talk respectfully to them. do not entertain them with any responses. I also agree with PP and think you should speak to your therapist about this situation.

What a shitty situation, I'm sorry. Why can't parents act like adults?

I am also estranged from my father. He is not on my guest list and neither is his woman. I would not respond to any of these messages without first discussing it with your therapist. Doing so could invite more drama. Speaking with your therapist prior to doing so could better prepare you to handle any drama that could come from responding.

I would just ignore the messages

Do not engage with them, thats what they want. They want to know that they are causing issues/upset you/etc, and you responding to them lets them know that they succeeded.

Be a "black hole" and pretend you never received those messages. Then, don't invite them.

Also, LOCK DOWN YOUR LIFE AND WEDDING. Block them on social media, do not make a wedding website (or at least password protect it), and post nothing about your wedding anywhere that might be shown to them. Hire security for your wedding. Be prepared for them to escalate their behavior.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this but if you don't really want anything to do with him I would say just don't answer. I am not in contact with my father and he found out through Facebook that I was engaged and tried to talk to me but I ignored it because I know he is who he is and I don't need his drama on my wedding day.

I wouldn't respond and block them both !

I would just block the number and not answer. And make sure that no one shares any information about your wedding date and location to him from now on. If that means not telling some people any details until invites go out then that's how it has to be. That's what I did to keep my estranged father from causing time for my wedding.

Ignore their texts and block the numbers. You do not have to respond to any communication from him or her, especially if it is rude or nasty.

I have not seen my father in almost 18 years. He created the problem, and years of therapy helped me realize that I don't now, didn't then, and never will owe him anything, regardless of his biological relationship to me. The same applies to your father. You deserve to be treated with respect by everyone, but most especially your parents.

As someone who's marrying into a family that is estranged from a whole side of their family due to years of systematic abuse, I'd also advise asking friends/family members who are invited and may be in contact with your father or his girlfriend not to give any info about the wedding (date, time, place, etc) to them, even in casual conversation, and not to post about it on social media. If people's settings are different from what they think they are, it would be very easy for them to get hold of the info and crash. That happened at my future brother in law's wedding.

I have not been talking to my mother for years. She used to send me letters (i never opened them) until I moved. I had her blocked on all social media and my phone. My brother lives with her currently so I am sure she knows I am getting married, however, I don't care. She is not invited.

I would at the very least block the girlfriend, if not your father also. Don't acknowledge this tactic. It is not worth your time. I am happy to hear you had been dealing with this in therapy. I can only imagine how awful this could be if you werent talking with someone already about it. Good luck OP. Stay strong.

Thank you all for your kind words and support. I made a game plan with my therapist and am writing a simple letter to explain my feelings and asking him to respect them. After that, there is no more entertainment of their drama - their numbers are blocked and our wedding website will be password protected (I was going to do that anyway before this had happened). I keep reminding myself that this is a happy time and I deserve happiness, and that I am so incredibly lucky to have an amazingly supportive fiancé who loves me to pieces.

I wish you all health, happiness, and love for many years with your spouses!

Good for you Alison. Stay strong!

Good for you!!!!!

So happy to see your update! Yes!