Engagement party that is a surprise wedding

I'm not about etiquette, but I like the idea of making it a surprise wedding if it makes it easier for everyone to be there.

View Quoted Comment Thank you I think it would just be a lot more fun.. we would of course still provide an open bar and dinner.. thinking a backyard bbq.

I think it's a great idea. Registering for gifts would be good, because people normally bring a gift to an engagement party anyways. I love the casual atmosphere and I am sure your guests will love it too.

View Quoted Comment Thank you very much!

First off, thank you for your service.

Strictly from a guests perspective...If I received a engagement party invite with a registry I would not attend. This looks super presumptuous and gift grabby (due to engagement parties are never a gifting occasion)...again from a guests perspective.

Secondly, engagement parties don't hold nearly the importance of a wedding invite. So you will have a higher decline rate, less people taking the invite much more casually.

If you are doing a surprise wedding, are you still going to have a bridal party to throw you a bachelorette party? Keep in mind, the more people that know, the more the word will get out...but it may not work out in your favor. Guests may feel it's a cheap cop out to get gifts.

I think it's a fun idea. I've always liked the idea of surprise weddings as a big party in theory (and my imagination). Reality wise, it may not work out the way you may want.

Don't do so much that it spoils the surprise! You can register but you'll probably not get any gifts until later since engagement parties aren't generally gift giving occasions. Be prepared that some people will never send a gift. Feel free to mention your registry if someone tells you they want to get you something. (I mean, be tactful, but don't make it a secret.)

View Quoted Comment Yeah and that’s my feeling too if I were a guest.. I’m not so concerned about that part, we have a ton of stuff.. It was just one of our questions. It’s such a catch 22! Lol

Is everyone you'd like to invite local? People probably won't travel for an engagement party, like they would for a wedding.

I don't see how bachelor/bachelorette parties would work. No one has those before an engagement party, they're normally a month or two before the wedding. Plus, those parties aren't thrown by you, and in order to have them thrown by someone else, you'd have to ruin the surprise for someone and then strongly hint that you want one of the parties.

Absolutely no on the registry info on the invites. Engagement parties are not typically gift-giving events, and even if they were, you never put registry information on anything.

View Quoted Comment Well, a lot arnt, but we would do it on a drill weekend when everyone is there. My family lives in a different state so I would let the cat out of the bag for them of course. All of our military friends have pushed Justin for this engagement for a long time, so they will have no problem wanting to celebrate lol. I’ve thought about putting something along the lines of “our wedding will be very small, so this is the time to celebrate!!” Not in those exact words but similar

View Quoted Comment Yeah, it's a difficult one.

Then there are the guests that decline the engagement party invite and have every intention of attending your wedding. They will be disappointed in knowing they missed out. I'm one of those. I can only handle so many social events, but I'd be so sad if I missed a friends wedding because it was a surprise.

If you do a surprise wedding I don't see how you would be able to pull off a bachelorette party without giving it away. You can always do a bachelorette party afterwards, even though you will be married.

View Quoted Comment The only way I’d be able to pull it off would be like right before the engagement party.. and I have thought about after too.. just not calling it an bacholorette party but more like a girls getaway?

So another idea for the invite.. what if I said “We are having a destination wedding, so now is the time for celebrating!”

If you invited me to an engagement party and I had another thing to go to that night (or if I had to travel to get there), I might well decline. And then I'd be really upset if I found out I had missed your wedding.

And given that only people who are invited to the wedding can be invited to the bachelorette party or shower, having either of those would rather give away the surprise.

View Quoted Comment You can call it that but it isn't bad etiquette to call it a bachelorette party after a wedding. I have seen it done a lot of times due to scheduling conflicts. You can also call it something cute like bride's bash or brides bananza

View Quoted Comment I LOVE that! Thank you

I've declined engagement parties for close friends just because I had a long week and needed a night in. If any of those had turned out to be weddings I would have been so disappointed. Should I just buck up and go? Probably. But the reality is I would move mountains for a wedding and an engagement party is not going to get the same amount of energy and effort.

It sounds fun but will you have important people missing?

My fmil and her husband did that last summer! However part of their reasoning was because they specifically didn't want gifts or the extra parties. Might be tricky to get the best of both worlds. I agree with PPs that I would probably think an engagement party registry was weird UNLESS you just put your wedding website with date "tba" and attach the registry to that. I would register on Amazon or something like that though so they can have things mailed because you'll likely get a few after the fact. Congrats!!

I wouldn't worry about people who will be in town not coming because an engagement party isn't priority. In the military you are more conscious of not knowing if you'll get to go to the wedding. Everyone knows that a deployment or TDY could mean, for them, this is the big event.

I think it sounds like a fun idea. We didn't register before our engagement party and had so many people ask where we were registered and get upset that we had said we didn't do it yet. Our wedding was 1.5 years away at that point. With that being said, I wouldn't see an issue in registering for gifts. I would't list it on the invite, I would just let people ask and then tell them.