Engagement party cancelled, sad bride

Is it possible for someone else to throw your engagement party? Unless it’s a culture/religion thing, there’s not only one person who can host the party.

I read through your earlier posts and I'm confused. I thought your in-laws are throwing the party. Why do your parents have a say in what your in-laws do?

View Quoted Comment They basically told me that if I didn't make my part of the guest list include my cousin, they wouldn't pay for the wedding. And they were upset enough that it was worth me to talk to FH and have us just cancel

View Quoted Comment Will you want your cousin at the wedding? It sounds like it may be a good idea to have a plan B for wedding planning since your parents money is coming with a lot of strings.

View Quoted Comment No I don't want her at the wedding. I can afford the church deposit on my own so we may just throw an immediate family only wedding with our own money.

View Quoted Comment But either way, my parents were aggressive about inviting all or none. I just feel trapped about the party

That sucks!! This should be the happiest time in your life surrounded by those who love and support you both. Not dealing with family drama because someone else is so selfish and petty. If your in-laws still want to throw you an engagement party I say let them and just invite those people who have there for you. I'm sorry you're going through this.

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Not to make the issue worse, but I honestly wouldn't take a dime of their blood money at this point. To use that as leverage in this situation is just sickening. I think it's at least worth a discussion with your FS if there's a way for you to take back financial control of your wedding; I think it would be very liberating. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this and hope you can find a resolution that still allows you to have the day of your dreams (including an engagement party!).

That is super manipulative of them. You are not required to have certain people at a celebration that's supposed to be about your love. I'm glad that you didn't allow them to force you to do something you truly did not want to do. It's not worth it. Engagement parties, while fun, aren't necessary. In fact, people where I live view them as a money grab. (I've actually been told by a couple of brides that they only reason they had one was for money!) You do not have to have one, especially if people are using it as a tool to manipulate you.

If your family does still want to help you financially with the wedding, proceed with caution. Ensure that they give a check directly to you and no one else so they cannot make changes behind your back. Also be aware that they will likely try to use that to manipulate you as well and/or hold it over your head. I personally wouldn't want them involved at all.

Has your relationship with your cousin always been rocky, or was it fine until you were both planning weddings?

View Quoted Comment It has been totally normal my whole life! I was so shocked by this all. I'm not as close to her as some of my other cousins, but I considered us a big happy family

Enough. Tell mom and dad thanks but no thanks and have a wedding you can fund yourselves. Let FMIL have an engagement party for you if she's still willing.

Wow my heart goes out to you. It sounds like your family is trying to use your wedding day as their own personal gain and leverage to have a wedding that they want and not a wedding that you want. If I were you Id have two middle fingers up in the air, Id book 2 tickets to the Maldives for you and your fiancé and I’d get eloped on the beach on one of the most beautiful islands in the world.

Can someone else or even yourself throw your own engagement party so you can still celebrate your engagement? This is unfair to you and your FH

I'm sorry to hear this. You may want to consider decorating your living room and having a virtual baby shower which is a lot more affordable. Everytime you accept a dollar from loved ones in regards to the wedding, that's usually accepting that they have control over your wedding, pre-wedding events.

It’s very bizarre that your parents would force you to have someone you dont get along with at your party or that its somehow your fault youre getting married before your cousin. I agree with a pp who said you should host your own party to get around their rules. You should be able to have an engagement party, this is supposed to be a happy time for you

Have the engagement party your FMIL is offering, and don't take money from your parents. I know that's easier said than done, but if they are willing to be manipulative like this, this is just the beginning. I'm really sorry you're going through this.

Thanks to everyone who provided advice. We have made the decision to pay for the wedding ourselves and only invite immediate family. My wedding has become probably the biggest source of sadness in my life, and I am just ready for it to be over so I can be married.