Cutting ties with a family member before wedding

Just don’t invite them. Who cares. It seems like they are very toxic people anyway.

Yeah i don't think you should invite anyone out of a feeling of obligation. invite them because you truly want to have your relationship mended as an olive branch

Just because you share blood, there is no implied contract that they get to treat you badly. Don't invite anyone you don't want to...you don't need negativity or worry over one of the happiest events in your adult life. You are not the only person making a choice - they can choose to continue in this manner or not, and you owe no one an explanation.

Good luck, and don't worry. I came to the conclusion years ago that "sometime family is just another F word"

You've done your part by trying to resolve the issue with her. You owe no one explanation. Your peace and self care is top priority. Unfortunately, I don't think there's anything left to do except move on.

You've made an effort to mend fences and she spit on it, so you don't owe anyone an explanation at this point. Stand your ground and let people be upset if that is their choice. Don't invite anyone out of obligation or to make others happy. Move forward from there.

I’m sorry to hear about this drama OP! I had family think I was sabotaging their wedding by having mine in the same month (little did they realize that not many people would be going to their destination wedding that was 14 hours flight away for reasons that had nothing to do with me!) but it didn’t quite get to this extent.
I think you have two choices here:
1. Be the bigger person and invite your cousin but make it clear to family that you will retract any such invitation if your cousin becomes malicious or causes trouble; or2. Don’t invite her. Unfortunately even though it doesn’t seem to be your fault that any of this has happened (again I say this just because we only know your side of the events), if any family make this an issue then you defend yourself stating you should not be vilified for choosing to cut that toxicity out of your life given your cousin is being a drama queen and has turned something trivial into something it really didn’t need to become.

I am so sorry. Well I think that you should talk to your mom alone and just tell her your side of things and how you feel as you have told us just so she is in the loop. I feel like as long as you do not care about what they think, like pp's have said do not invite out of obligation. If your mom or aunt or anyone tries to convince you otherwise then tell them that you would love to have her there once she reaches out to you, apologizes to you and stops bad mouthing your wedding. Put the ball in her court because you have done enough and if you say her family has also enabled this behavior then deuces to them. Honestly, I would not go to her wedding either. Why spend your time and money on someone that treats you like that. Say Bye Felicia!

I'm sorry, I understand what it's like to have family take sides without considering that they don't know the whole story.

Just don't invite them. If you don't want to be around them, then don't. Everyone can either get over it, or wallow in drama.

FWIW, my mother declined to come to our wedding because of the invitations, and threw such a fit over it, her entire side didn't come, either. Over paper.

I had a completely stress-free wedding day, and have blocked my mother from all forms of contact but mail. (She has not availed herself of this one.)

I wouldn’t even make a deal if it, just don’t send them an invite. I did this with my grandmother who is toxic. I had my aunt reach out asking why, which I assumed would have at some point and I just said I don’t want my day to be dragged down with someone who is toxic to myself and my family, and that was that.

Write a letter to her. Cannot be as easily bounced back to 20 people in seconds. Keep a civil tone. I am aware that you were unhappy with my setting my wedding date 5 weeks from yours. People don't get to reserve many weeks or months for their wedding, only a weekend. I made an effort to make sure our prewedding events did not overlap, and you would not talk about it. I am aware you have been badmouthing me to family and others. I am stunned by this hostility from a family member. You have withdrawn yourself from
my wedding. I will not be inviting you to any event, and wish not to see you in the future. Your need to have everyone's attention make even casual friendship impossible.
Photo copy it before you send it. Invite her sister or motger, but the first meanness ( not just, I am sad to see you two enemies) make it clear that she has engaged in a one sided war with you, because 5 weeks is not enough exclusive attention for her. You have nothing to say. And ask each straight out, do you want to still participate in my wedding, or are you cutting our entire families apart because cousin cannot share attention as adults do?Cousin already broke with you. Let others decide for themselves. I hope it isn't an endpoint. In my family, after some consideration, all but her would keep up the family connection. My children would not get away with this garbage at age 8, never mind when old enough to marry. You don't need to put up with it. Where there really is a loving family, there is always enough love to go around for more than one baby, or wedding, or graduation, in a month. Often more than one of each, in bigger families, when . We have had 3 babues, 2 weddings, and 4 graduations among first cousins and brothers and sisters, in May June. A lot of happy people. Not misery and war.

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I'm sorry that happened to you! Weddings seem to make people act crazy and take every little thing so seriously. It's good to hear that you got to enjoy a drama-free wedding day--that's what I want!

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I like the idea of a letter. I think it would hopefully put a lot of this back and forth to rest and make it clear where I stand at the moment.

I also appreciate that you think my cousin's behavior is ridiculous. I feel like I've been taking crazy pills listening to my aunt and her tell me why what I did was so awful and offensive. I have *19* cousins on that side alone, so we are bound to have to share special moments as we get older. And we've shared them in the past -- 4 of us did our first communion together and then our confirmation, we've had joint birthday parties and joint graduation parties, etc--so this behavior has just been baffling.

View Quoted Comment 5 of my mom's sibs and 5 of my Dad's live close ( like same street, or nearby town in school district. 11 families with 5-9 kids each. But even in more average smaller families, with 2-4 kids, these childish needs to be in the spotlight, never put in their place, harden into dysfunctional narcissism. Saying it to them will not help. But you know she is way out of line. And any who support her, are just as bad. This is not loving family. This is spawn of Jerry Springer or Reality TV . In praise of beligerant narcisism. There is sometimes no way to overlook it. So call them out. Or 3 years from now she will own the season's when her babies are born, and flip out when you STEAL her baby names. I find a written letter, self edited before sending, helps me think things through, and make sure I am not provoked into going over the top. If people would expend as much energy trying to get along, as they do fighting over things that do not matter, the world would be a nicer place.