Engagement announcement advice

That's such a hard position to be in. Personally, I'd find ways that I could become more financially independent of them, so you don't have to worry about them withdrawing their help.

Stop discussing this with your parents. Work on becoming financially independent and combine those finances with your fiance so you are not dependent on them. If you are a legal adult, your parents don't get to make decisions for you, period. It sounds like them withdrawing help is a good thing for everyone.

I do somewhat get what your parents are saying as I've always refused to date religious people bc I don't want to be forced into one and I don't want my future kids to be either and it could cause a strain if you don't discuss those boundaries and possibilities. But if you have and you're fine with everything you've discussed then your parents need to accept the relationship sooner or later. Its time to start working on becoming more indepent so they can't hold anything over your head. Best of luck to you.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Start paying for things yourself and become financially independent.

View Quoted Comment I did this because my dad was controlling and even at 22 would tell me I can't stay the night at a boyfriends and would try to tell me how to spend my money. I bought myself a car, got a 40k job, moved in with hubby n now am financially independent. It took time but was worth it , to be able to do what I want

Maybe respect their wishes, to an extent, until you're financially independent

View Quoted Comment I was in a similar situation, so I definitely get it.

View Quoted Comment Oh so you know how rough it was. It sucked. I got tired of sneakkng around and lying at 22 so I'm like ok something has to give

I've been there before in the past, when I was younger. I was with someone who my parents didn't agree with and they cut me off completely, took my car and all (I was still in college so I really couldn't do much to support myself until I was done with school). We became financially independent, worked extra hours at our jobs, got an apartment, and bought a beater car and made it work until he decided to end it completely. You need to be able to stand on your own with these things and make sure you are financially stable because yes, there is a good chance they will cut you off.

View Quoted Comment Yes. I love being able to do what I want without depending on a soul financially 🥰

View Quoted Comment Preach!!! I agree 100%

You’re making an adult decision to get married. But in order to make your own adult decisions in life, you need to become financially independent. Otherwise, the people you rely on for money will always have a percentage of control over you. And that’s the situation in your case. I realize that some people like the idea of sharing their engagement with the world. But if you choose to make that decision and upset the parents who you’re dependent on... then also be ready for them to possibly make some decisions that might upset you. I understand that you don’t want your parents to “rule this wedding”. But since they pay, that automatically gives them a say.

...DH is Catholic, I'm not Christian, we're adults, we figured it out together. Anyone telling you that you can't be around other people who are not your religion ... is lying to you about other people.

While I understand having family support - for so many of us, finances are complicated and often bound up in our families no matter what we want - you do need to find a way to support yourself as much as possible. This may mean taking a long, hard look at your budget and reworking a lot of things.

That said.

YOUR LIFE. YOUR CHOICE.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with all of this. You can't control how your parents react to your engagement, to your future spouse, or to any "public" (what you do mean by public, like in the newspaper?) announcement. But what you can control is becoming financially independent so that you are free to make your own decisions.

Once you are independent, they will likely still have negative reactions, but that won't affect the course of your life.

Financial independence is accepting adult responsibilities, at which point you can assert your independence in every other way. We have a mixed marriage, different ethnic culture 1-2 generations away from being immigrants, hubby raised very conservative Catholic, my keeping tribal not Christian ways. We anticipated more flak from his parents, and My first marriage MIL ( widowed) was a nightmare. Being self supporting, including being a house or pet sitter to avoid high rent, working second jobs, was a necessary thing to becoming independent. But the freedom of making choices without apron strings was wonderful. My parent brought me up to that, though. As long as I always worked, they helped with school tuition.
But had allowed me to go abroad to family twice as an exchange at 14/15 and 16/17. So they never questioned my independence. But FI parents expected that after college when he lived at home, and the military, he would go home and join a family business and live home til marriage. His Dad took it badly when he didn't. He would make proclamations, which his son would not fight over, just saying, we are independent adults, Dad. You take care of your family, and we do ours. I cannot stress enough how important financial independence is. So you cannot be bought.