End of engagement... end of the relationship?

Anything is possible so don't give up help. What you need to do I get yourself to a lawyer specializing in domestic relations and get a child support decree taken care of asap. If he does leave you are going to need something to fall back onto.

You can't force someone into marriage, that's just asking for a divorce. If counseling isn't helping to mend the relationship I would go speak to an attorney so that you can start receiving child support. Sounds like at this point you need to put you and the kids first.

It's not the money I'm worried about. I just feel so lost in one second being told that he regrets the engagement but that he still loves me? Is there any point in still holding out hope or do I just give up?

And I'm not trying to force it... if it isn't meant to be, it isnt meant to be.

Is he saying that he doesn't want to marry you or that he doesn't want to be with you? Those are two very different statements.

I think counseling is a good move, but what does he want? Does he want to try to make this work? Does he want to move out?

If he doesn't want to make it work, then I don't think there's much you can do.

ETA: I'm really sorry that you're going through this.

It sounds like he's not ready to get married now. If you hadn't said what you did about him not putting in effort at counselling, I would say that he wants to work on the relationship first (not a bad thing), but with no effort, it may be over.

@meetthebrowns ; he said he doesn't want to marry me as of right now. He just said that the fighting as pushed him so far.

But he also says he still wants to be with me. But I don't know anymore if that's because he really thinks he has a future with me, or whether he's just afraid of starting over.

Couseling is good if both are truly willing to make it work. You need to have a calm conversation on what he really wants. Maybe do this in a couseling session so you have someone who can make sure it doesnt end a fight.

I think it's great that you're going to counseling. I would bring this up to the counselor and let them help you two sort through it. Good luck!

And maybe my feelings about the counselling is just my opinion, but the first thing our counsellor told us was "don't talk to people outside your relationship about your current situation or counselling without consulting your partner first" and literally that night he sat down with an old friend who I had a falling out with last year and told her everything... and I never found out until afterwards

@Amanda you have to worry about the money issue, he has a responsibility to take care of those kids not you.

@Svetlana, I know that... I don't mean it in that way. Money was just something that we had conversation about very early on, and documents were already signed.

I more mean; do I hold out on the hope that it will be fixed... or do I walk away.

I would say the end of the engagement is the end of the relationship. The engagement can be prolonged for however long necessary if you're not ready right now, to call it off completely sounds like a break-up to me.

May I suggest "the five love languages" by Gary Chapman. Quick read and it is amazing. May help you figure out why you are fighting or at least why he feels the way he does? Obviously don't force anything but this book was eye opening for me.

@Amanda, I am glad you are thinking smart and have that all signed. I have a friend going through a bunch of shit now too and my FH put her in contact with a friend of his that handles domestic cases.

@Chivy, that's fair definitely. I just didn't want the memory of my engagement to be forever tainted with the sadness and guilt that seemed to come along with it. I left the ball in his court after that; and just told him we'd continue to see the counsellor and if it helped and he ever felt like he wanted to marry me again that he could ask, otherwise we'd just be what we are

@svetlana we made sure early on in all of this that the kids were the priority and they needed to be taken care of, and all the rest was extra.

@Chelsea I had that book suggested to me the other day too (and by the counsellor), I think I'm going to a buy a copy today.

@OP

Doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results is insanity. Unless both of you commit to clear change, you will stay stuck in this rut of not being happy together but staying out of fear of the unknown. Do not get married until your relationship has clear change. Him blatantly violating the advice of the therapist shows he doesn't care about changing.

I highly suggest you start planning an exit strategy. Finish or start a degree that will get you a well paying job eventually if you cannot get a good job now. Focus on building yourself up. Join a postpartum work out group.

Getting married or not is not your problem. You need to decide if in 10 years you will look back to now and regret spending more years with a man who took back a proposal.

I second "The Five Love Languages"! Amazing book and so much help!