Emily Post and Honeymoon/Cash Registries

These are very helpful , thank you!

You're quite welcome!

It would be sufficient for some people to just say "there's no need to ask for it, if you don't make a registry or a small one, then people will get the hint" I had no idea that was a thing! So thank you some people just go on and on and it comes off some what rude. I'm not saying you are. I just didn't realize that was a thing thank you Susan

I tried looking for anything on here about it before posting, but couldn't find anything. I'm new. But it makes sense . I just wasn't sure how people felt about adding those websites on your registry and such. Thank you for your help!

@Karysa for what it's worth we didn't register at all. Not for any other reason other than we really don't need anything. I'm 49 and he's 53. Financially and homewise we are set. But we were still asked where we were registered and our response to everyone was we don't need gifts just your presence to help us celebrate our special day. As a result everybody gave cash. So I have to say that Susan is right. But etiquette wise you are not out of line as long as you follow the Emily Post way.

"The law gets kinda gets laid down quick and hard" LOL Susan that's a bit extra.

While I, myself, am anti honeyfund .. I don't see myself as the "law". There is no law saying you can't do it. Do whatever you want, by all means. The reason why I don't like it is because it takes fees out of whoever is donating to it and because I know for a fact that many people do not use it for their honeymoon. I see it on the local FB bride group I am on that the women actually talk about their guests not knowing what they're really using it for. To me, that is just outright horrible. These people you invite to be a part of your special day are special in both yours and your FS life, correct? Why do that? Not you, but people in general. I don't care if someone does it, it's not me so it doesn't affect me whatsoever. There really is no polite way to say "hey gimmeee alll the money". Adults know money is always preferred. I have a Big registry and I have aunts and other people tell me "I'm just going to give you money". Ok fantastic, do whatever you want. I think the best way to go about it is not register or make a small registry and whatever money you get from that plan your honeymoon. I don't think it's appropriate for others to fund something because that is a luxury. However, there is no harm in taking the money that was given and putting it, along with your own money saved, towards your honeymoon.

I am not even comfortable asking my parents for gas money when I forgot my wallet I'm certainly not going to ask them to fund a sex vacation.

I dislike honeyfunds because they take a percentage of

The money from your guests as a "fee" so when Aunt Mary gives you 200 dollars you only get 150. It's wrong. They also are being told they're buying an experience which is also a lie. Thy aren't they're just sending you a check - which can easily be accomplished by cutting out the middleman and just not registering

Also - it isn't rude to hear someone else's opinion. A lot of time OPs are looking for validation and not advice and when they hear something contrary thy get mad and that's when it can turn mean. I don't think any regular user I know is ever intentionally rude to a poster.

The phrase "there's no need to ask for it, if you don't make a registry or a small one, then people will get the hint" gets said repeatedly when someone posts asking about a honeyfund. I do think that it helps when someone explains how the actual honeyfund process works (that the company takes a cut, and that the couple just gets a check as opposed to "experiences"). I was not familiar with honeyfunds before WW, but that was enough to help me decide that I'll stick to writing checks for wedding gifts.

My sister asked for a trip to Disney, for her and her girlfriend for Christmas last year. She fully expected my parents to fund their vacation... my parents were not pleased and as a result, bought them shoes, and gave them a gift card to publix (sister always complains she's broke and can't buy food). My sister was pissed they didn't fund her vacation.... smh

I'm like Munchkin, I couldn't ask someone else to fund my honeymoon. My friends save, as does my family, just so they can go on vacation. It wouldn't feel right to ask or expect them to fund mine.

Being honest, and having a different opinion is not mean. I haven't seen outright maliciousness from any regulars here. Original Posters sometimes don't want opinions, they want validation. Then get mad when we disagree with them. We're an honest bunch, but not malicious.

This is another shining example of how the forum tone could change (for the better) if the search engine was functional, which it is not, sorry. The same questions get asked over and over, which is completely to be expected, especially with the constant influx of new people who have legit questions. I feel kinda bad for newer members (well, some of them....) because many people who have been here for a while have answered the same thing so often they just wont. Even I, the annointed queen of procrastination via WW, have started to pass over things that have been answered ad nauseum and I have to assume other people do too.

Emily Post is 400 years old, for starters, and represents a certain variety of etiquette. Personally, I think that whoever is writing it now feels that by jumping on the newest trends it will breathe life into a dusty outlook and image In some cases that's just great, in others, like this, no so much. "Where are you registered" followed by, "no where, we're saving for a house" is a conversation I could never have.

Asking for money, in any way shape or form, from your parents, your friends or strangers, for any reason is rude. The way that honeyfunds portray how that money is used is deceptive. Even my partner, an officiant for eight years, was just horrified when he caught wind of the concept just a month or so ago. He seriously didn't know what it was; he read about it somewhere. And before anyone points to the fact that they saw it here or on another site? Make no mistake about it; this is called 'the wedding industry" for a reason. There is money involved, ad money. And with new wedding websites cropping up at an alarming rate, the lust for content, any content to drive ad sales is fever pitched.

And no, it's not easier than putting a Benjamin in an envelope, which every adult knows how to master. And if people want to give you an "experience"; there is ticketmaster, there are museum memberships, restaurant and theme park gift cards, movie ticket cards; there are a WEALTH of ways to give 'experiences' that don't include person A asking people B-Z for money.

The concept of a honeyfund for a wedding shower is nonsensical; the very notion of a shower is to, um, shower the couple with gifts. And at weddings? I rarely see anything but dozens of cards.

My biggest problem with honeyfund is that it seems like you're buying an experience for the couple, but you're not. For example, I think it could be cool to buy them a hot air balloon ride, but that's not what happens. The giver thinks they're buying them a specific experience, and instead, the the couple gets a check to use however they want. So it's no different that just giving money at the wedding (which people do anyways) except honeyfund takes a percentage, so you're not even receiving as much as the giver intended.

So helpful!

You mean the Emily Post Foundation? Because Emily Post has been dead for years. She’d also be rolling in her grave with some of the advice spouted from her foundation. Not surprising as they seem to care more about trends and making money off of sponsorship than etiquette.

We had a small registry just because some asked. 95 % of our guests gave us cash/checks.

So now Emily Post is not credible? This has never been the case on countless comments referring folks to Emily Post for wedding etiquette.

Older versions of Emily Post where she actually writes the advice, completely credible. The shill coming from her foundation in the past 15 years, not so much. They’re being paid by the companies that they’re promoting. Commerce, baby!

@Terri - No one said the original etiquette was not credible. Credibility about Emily Post herself was not mentioned at all.

But as with all things - a lot of the etiquette from the original books is way outdated (as Emily Post has been dead for longer than anyone using this site has been alive) and that the newer etiquette coming from the foundation made in her memory is more interested in making money to keep the foundation going than honoring what Emily Post may have actually considered polite or improper.

As with all things: Etiquette lives on a spectrum. No one can tell you to do or not do something - they can tell you that the majority of people will find something rude even if people you love wont say it to your face.

@OGA Right! I don't get the coming here and asking if it is acceptable to do whatever and when the majority says no people state they are going to do it anyways. Unless you are actually looking for advice just do what you want. There us no need to get validation from a bunch of internet strangers

I see it both ways. I understand how it would be perceived as rude to "ask" for money - but I also have had friends register for their honeymoon excursions through a travel agent (not a honey fund) or not register at all and that silently says "please give cash". I never thought about it when it's been other peoples weddings, I just put the cash in the card or went online to the travel agent and paid for an excursion for their honeymoon.

I have read many posts where people get put in their place very quickly by the WW law, but I think that for the most part the people asking are new to this forum and haven't seen the previous posts or don't know where to look. I don't think for the most part anyone asks a question because they are going to just do whatever they want. I think for most they really have no idea and that's why they ask.

Edited: for clarity

I think the "law laid down hard and swift" comment comes from when new users - who often have legitimate questions - feel the compounded effects of 25 people saying "No, that's rude" (and let's be honest, there are users who are more colorful and harsh than that) all at once when they revisit the thread they started. It's a byproduct of posting on the internet - very different from asking 25 people over the course of a week, and it causes a very different reaction from the person asking.

That said, I'm a part of a number of internet forums and BB's, and I get tired of the "we see this ever week" line. If you're that tired of it or it makes you so irritated that you do the internet equivalent of snapping at the poster, then don't post. No one is twisting your arm to do so. It's no one's fault that the search function here is abysmal (and it's that way on a LOT of BB's).