Eloping w/o kids?

Why didn’t you select a day where you have her? My daughter was 3 when H and I got married and I specifically chose a weekend I had her.

What an a** he is! That's ridiculous I would be so upset! Can you guys change your day since it's not a huge wedding?

View Quoted Comment It was too conflicting with work, the photographer, officiant etc., one would be available but not the other and vice versa basically it wasn't working out to where we were ALL available on a weekday. Having the ceremony on the weekend was my last resort. I have her weekdays, he has weekends.

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry if this comes off as harsh, but I would have found a new officiant or photographer before I risked my child not attending my wedding.

That really sucks! I also coparent and I’m pretty much doing the same thing as you, courthouse and photos. I would schedule another photo session to have her included in the pics.

View Quoted Comment That's your opinion. It seems simple, but we also had to try and make it work for my fiance's kids. He can only get them on the weekends. It actually took a lot for us to get this date set. But thanks for commenting.

View Quoted Comment Thinking of doing this.

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So your fiance's kids will be there but yours won't?? Goodness. I'm sorry OP but I agree with PP, you should make it work so all can attend. How are your kids going to feel when they look at pics later and FH's kids are in them and they're not (and I'm sorry, just having a photo shoot later isn't the same).

View Quoted Comment His kids mother won't allow him to get them outside of weekends, and I can't get my daughter on the weekend. So we're both at a loss here. If I didn't care how my kids would feel about it, this post would be nonexistent. The questions you're asking are literally the reason I made this discussion post because I don't know what to do.

I would find a way to include all the kids or I’d include none of them. Obviously this is a sticky situation but how is your daughter going to feel if his kids mention they were at the wedding and she wasn’t?

Do you never get vacation time with all the kids?

I wouldn't consider getting married without my child there. And I wouldn't expect that of FH if he had kids. I would figure something out to make sure they can be there. And your ex is an ass.

View Quoted Comment No, we don't have a vacation clause in our court order. I'm working on getting the order changed so that I can have weekends with her and he can have some weekdays because this current schedule doesn't work well at all. But that's in the future of course. But we definitely are going to figure it out because this is something I'd be able to live with.

Can you file an emergency motion to allow a temp change? I co-parent and I wouldn't be able to stand it not having my kids at my wedding. Luckily I don't deal with these kind of things, but I'm sure there has to be a way for you. Call your lawyer TODAY.

First, I'm sorry you're in such a difficult spot. I don't have kids, and I really can't offer advice in that regard but I do have divorced parents. When my dad married my stepmom I was an adult (early 20s). They went to the courthouse and didn't tell any of us (my siblings or stepmom's kids). I'm not sure about my step- siblings but I know it's still kind of a sore subject for my brother and myself. My dad's mom and sisters were there and are in pictures, but we didn't even know about it until way after the fact. Long story short, it's not the same situation but I'd guess your child(ren) may have similar feelings later on looking at pictures.

I agree with PP, call your lawyer. You may have more options than you realize.

Are you still close to anyone who is also still close to your ex-husband? Maybe they can talk some sense into him? Right now he isn’t thinking of your daughter and what is best for her! She really needs to be at your wedding, especially if your FH’s kids are there and it’s unbelievable that your ex won’t make an exception for this one day! I know you said you two are high conflict, but hopefully you can set aside any anger you have toward him to work out what is best for your daughter and hopefully he can do the same?? Maybe frame it that way when you talk to him, try to make it about her and not you? I assume you’ve probably already tried this, but I’m sure this is a hard situation and you are upset, but hopefully you aren’t yelling at him cuz that will only make it worse. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Good luck.

View Quoted Comment I’m so sorry for your situation. People on here can be very insensitive to the fact you obviously love your child and want her included, that’s why your asking for advise. To them it is as easy as, if you wanted her there she’d be there. They don’t listen to what you are saying and apparently don’t know what it is like to deal with somebody that holds your child hostage when it comes to stuff like this. I wish I had advise, I’ve been there. I hope it works out. I would have documentation of him refusing so he can’t use it against later to try and turn your daughter against you.

View Quoted Comment I actually deal with this all the time. My ex never allows switches to our schedule for any reason and he definitely wouldn’t have agreed to me having her on one of his days for my wedding. We’ve gone back to court multiple times to change the schedule/our agreement to make it the way it is now. I’ve been dealing with OP’s situation for 4.5 years. That’s why I purposely scheduled my wedding at a time when I had my daughter.

Outside of that, including one spouse’s children but not the other’s is a really good way to hurt your child’s feelings, regardless of who isn’t allowing what.

View Quoted Comment I can understand your situation. But in my situation specifically, I have my daughter on days that fiancé doesn't have his daughters. And he has his daughters on days I don't have my daughters. So it's clear that it's a lose lose situation for us unless one of the OP agree to the swap. I'm begging my ex right now to let me have our daughter. But your comment makes it seems so "simple" which it isn't, at all.

Thank you everyone!

I have contacted my lawyer to see if there's anything that can be done.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! I absolutely am no way okay with no having my daughter or any of our kids at our wedding. We are considering some desperate measures right now to make it happen.