Eloping Pros and Cons

So, my husband and I did exactly what you're contemplating. We had a small ceremony with immediate family, and then a large celebration of marriage two months later. That wasn't our original plan. We were planning a large wedding with our extended families and friends. But it became necessary to have the small ceremony (family member with health issues), so we threw it together in advance of our large wedding. By the time the large wedding came around, we'd told everyone that we'd gotten married already. It was important to us that we didn't lie to our guests.

Our intimate wedding was beautiful and special. Every bit as beautiful and special as our big wedding, in different ways. We had the ceremony in an art gallery of a local library (only parents and siblings attending), which was so "us" because we are literature lovers. We hired a fantastic officiant and photographer. Afterward, we celebrated at a German restaurant. We reserved a private room and had a cake, plenty of food, and beers the size of our heads. We laughed and toasted until two in the morning. I loved every second of it. I could have easily been satisfied with just that day as my wedding day. But we'd already planned the large wedding (which was to take place two months later), so we went ahead with that one too.

IMO, you have to do what's best for you and your FH. You aren't responsible for anyone else's feelings about it. You can't make your life decisions based on what others expect from you. If I were you, I would do an affordable, intimate ceremony and buy your home. A small ceremony can have all of the personal, sentimental touches that a large wedding has. Make it your own, enjoy it, and don't sacrifice your financial future. Good luck!

I think a small, immediate family only wedding would be very nice. Then throw a bigger house warming party after you buy your house for all your extended family and friends

I'd elope. But, I don't think that have a party later to celebrate is going to save you much money. So, I'd keep that in mind when deciding. A courthouse wedding could work too, and then a small dinner with immediate family, if eloping doesn't sound right for you two.

FH and I are eloping. So easy and no stress. I can plan the wedding I want without it becoming everyone else's wedding. No one to say, how come you didn't do this or do that or anything. It's so much cheaper to elope instead of having a wedding. Plus we are doing honeymoon to follow so for wedding and honeymoon it's less then 8,000. Since you want to buy a house, if you elope you'll be able to become homeowners. My family is ok with us eloping and if they weren't I wouldn't have cared since it's my day and I want to do things how I want to do them without anyone telling me otherwise. I was able to get a wedding planner who was able to help me coordinate everything I needed for the wedding. With her help I've had such a fun time planning what I wanted and stress-free experience. If you do elope I can guarantee you you will not regret it.

I can't speak from experience. But if having a wedding means living with your parents after, I would elope. That would not be fun living separate from your husband! I personally cannot wait to leave home.

We eloped and it was the best wedding related decision we made. Sometimes your family can be more understanding than you think. My family is not as close to each other, but I straight up just talked to the people I am closest with and told them our concerns and explained we wanted to elope. Every single person understood and was supportive. The only people in FHs family we cared to talk about it with was his parents and they also understood and were extremely supportive, they even gifted us most of our honeymoon since it was money they weren't going to have to spend to travel for a wedding (they live in Alaska). I know everyone's family is different so it might not be as easy as it was for us, but I made a lot of assumptions about how my family would feel and it turned out much better than expected. I'm biased but eloping is the way to go in my opinion.

I think the pros and cons are straightforward but only ones you can know. The pros of eloping are the intimacy of the event and the extra time for just the two of you. However, the cons would be the same... having other people around drastically changes the dynamic of the day. Do you want to share the day or keep it to yourselves? There are also all the other parts of a big wedding. Do you want the party? Do you want the presents? Do you want to have certain people there to share the moment? Do you want the garter toss? The first dance? The toasts? Think long about what parts you really do and don't want. Discuss with your FH. Then see if you can find a way to get as many of those as possible without breaking the bank.