Eloping Pros and Cons

If my choices were living with someone's parents after the wedding or eloping and having some independence. I would choose eloping 10/10

I would hope that your families could understand that.

How much will you be saving by having a celebration later?

How much will upsetting family upset you?

How many family members? You can always have a nice ceremony and take everyone to lunch or dinner afterward.

For me, I would choose eloping given that option but everyone is different. The only feelings I would worry about are my parents and if I were to elope, I would invite them.

Ultimately we decided not to elope. But I wouldn't worry about everyone's feelings - they won't be paying your mortgage off or living with your parents until you can afford it so they don't get a say.

But if hurting people's feelings is a big deal to you or you'll regret not having a traditional wedding that should factor into your decision

We will be saving a lot by having a celebration later!

Upsetting my only grandma and my aunt who only has one niece (me) will upset me but then if I invite them, I would need to invite everyone else because my other family members would be mad.

My mom is one of 6 so our family is huge and very close! My dad is one of 3 and his family is pretty big. and FH family is big!

Could you get married at the court house then have a cake/punch reception? Then later on when you can afford more have a vow renewal or anniversary party 5-10 years down the road.

I'm not eloping since there are too many family and friends we want to celebrate with.

We considered it, but I realized I wanted our families there too much. Plus, our wedding meant a lot to our parents so we wanted to give them the opportunity to see their kids get married.

There is a happy medium in between though! You can have a beautiful wedding with just your parents and siblings(think under 20 people). Wear whatever nice things you have, hire an officiant, and go out to an affordable dinner after. A wedding doesn't have to be extravagant!

My parents would be devastated if I had eloped.

I would also have missed out on the special celebrations leading up to the wedding: the shower, bachelor/bachelorette parties, and all the wedding planning fun with my mom (we are close and it was a very fun time for us). Yes you can have a celebration afterwards, but you forgoe all of the pre-wedding celebrations and no, it will not be the same as a wedding -- because it is not a wedding, you are already married.

Why do you have to invite your aunts and uncles?

You could do grandparents, parents, siblings and their SOs (if they have them). That should keep it pretty small.

Eh... if I were still dependent on my parents and was faced with having a formal wedding shebang and having some privacy and independence in the form of a wise financial investment with my future spouse...

I'd elope.

@MMB Because I am the only niece to one of my aunts and the rest of my family is super close!

Is it completely necessary to get married before moving in together? Why don't you two save up your money to buy a house and then save to have a wedding afterwards. Everybody wins unless you need to get married first for religious purposes.

Although not religious, my husband and I moved in together, got engaged, had a child and THEN got married.

I wouldn't get married if I was living with my parents unless we had a place to move into after. If that means eloping for you, do that.

I think your family will be more understanding than you'd think. If not, that's life...they have to accept it. No one should feel entitled to come to your wedding if they're not paying for it.

I get it. My family is pretty large and close too, but your future is more important IMO. I think immediate family only is a good compromise.

@Veronica, it isn't necessary but it's what we want to do.

Elope or have a small wedding that you can afford. Starting you marriage off on stable finances is much more important than a wedding...

That being said my mother would have been beyond devastated if I didn't have a wedding (she eloped because of money but always wanted a great big wedding-so she lived vicariously through me) and she and my dad were paying for our wedding. So we just had to buy a house. My dad offered me the full amount in my wedding fund to elope and put a bigger down payment on the house. It was very tempting...but that would have ended up in my parents divorce.

If we do elope we want to invite our parents, grandparents and siblings and bridal party (bridal party is very small).

We have the date set for next year but if we were to move it to this year since we will be at our exact wedding location around the same time this year, we are considering doing it this year and having a big one year celebration next year so we can buy a house. What is everyone's thought on that? Does it make sense or sound tacky?

We are doing a small intimate wedding - it grew to a few more people than we wanted (21) but it was important to me that my small immediate family was there, and FH had some important family members to him. Seeing all the things other people are going through - I totally support eloping or a small wedding!

Could you have an informal affair at one of your homes and have someone marry you? In my state, it's easy for someone to become a legal officiant and we are having a friend marry us.

I think you have to do what YOU want to do - other people will ultimately understand (it may take them some time). But I do think a good compromise, if you're open to it, is a small ceremony at your home with punch and dessert. That includes the people you want, but with only spending a small amount of money.

A great book is "Let's Elope: The Definitive Guide to Eloping, Destination Weddings, and Other Creative Wedding Options." I read that and totally reversed on the big wedding - ultimately, it was not for me and my personality. I LOVE going to other people's weddings, I love a good party. Planning one gave me anxiety before I had even started! I love attending other people's parties - I don't like to plan them and a wedding planner was outside my budget.

I know it's not helpful advice but most of the pros and cons are very personal. Could you bounce the idea off your parents without infuriating them? They might be able to help you financially if they really want you to have a big wedding. There are compromises too. A wedding doesn't have to me a 5 hour plated dinner and DJ affair. You could go to city hall then have a picnic or a cook out at a park or a family member's house. You could ask if anyone has any connections for cheap or free party rooms or supplies. Some community centers or churches might have a space that could work and you could have a ceremony with light refreshments (e.g. soft drinks and a few platters of finger food).

One thing I will suggest is to think it through thoroughly.

I'm in the exact same situation, although we both live with my parents, and we're considering doing a small ceremony of just immediate family soon after we move out (less than 15--it feels like eloping though it isn't) then combining a housewarming party with a celebration of our marriage a month or two later when we can regain some of the money lost buying the house.

My parents eloped and don't regret it 25 years later, and lots of my older friends suggest eloping to me, but it's really your choice. It can still be special either way. Hope this helps!

@FutureMrsR this is a great idea!!!! I'm so glad I am not the only one going through this!