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Dedicated September 2018

Eloping before the "wedding day"?

futurehappybride, on May 14, 2018 at 9:18 PM Posted in Planning 0 17

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Has anyone here done it? FH and I are considering it as his parents have taken over almost everything and created this big fancy wedding (we wanted small and intimate) filled with their friends and extended family as well as telling me, the bride, that this wedding is for them, not me and FH.the wedding focuses mainly on them and his side of the family. My parents can't afford anything wedding related so they couldn't have a say. I'm not trying to be an ungrateful daughter in law or make my fiance's life any harder than it is, so I've remained as polite as can be the past 8 months. There's more but I don't want to make this so long. At the end of the day we want to have the final say on OUR wedding...and there is less than 4 months left...thoughts?

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Latest activity by MrsD, on May 15, 2018 at 5:15 PM

Expert June 2018
Adrianna · on May 14, 2018 at 9:24 PM
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Personally I would scrap the big fancy wedding that you don't want and do things the way you and your spouse want.
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Savvy April 2019
Sophia · on May 14, 2018 at 9:27 PM
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If they kept on pushing that it was about them then I would elope. If you guys picked that date for a reason just elope on that day and either show up after yall do your thing or not at all.
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Super April 2025
A_Mart · on May 14, 2018 at 9:39 PM
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Sorry to hear your wedding got derailed, this is partially the reason we chose to do a very small DW with only a few close friends on our dime. I can’t believe they would say to you that the wedding is about them and not you and FH. Follow your heart!
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Savvy July 2018
Maria · on May 14, 2018 at 10:26 PM
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You need to do wht you feel is best for you. But take a moment to really think about it. Eloping is fun and romantic, and I agree with Sofia.
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VIP September 2017
MrsMcK · on May 14, 2018 at 10:38 PM
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Wow I’m sorry you’re dealing with that, your FILs sound kind of awful.
If I were you, I’d refuse their money and just pay for/plan a wedding that is what you want.
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Dedicated March 2019
Heidi · on May 14, 2018 at 10:49 PM
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I totally agree! Hope they got wedding insurance 😉
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Master October 2016
Katie · on May 14, 2018 at 11:06 PM
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A couple questions before I weigh in:
1) Did they put non-refundable money towards this wedding? If so, can you pay it back?
2) Did you and your FH ever tell them no? If so what were their reactions?
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July 1993
WED18 · on May 14, 2018 at 11:11 PM
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This is the beginning of your lives together. His family will be your family whether you elope or not. I think you both need to sit down with his parents and have an open discussion. Eloping might solve your problems for a day but learning how to communicate with your future family would serve you better for years to come.
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Master October 2016
Katie · on May 14, 2018 at 11:15 PM
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WED18 Nailed it!! ^^^
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Expert July 2018
2ndtime1stwedding · on May 14, 2018 at 11:51 PM
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Has your FH confronted them and expressed what he and you want/don’t want?
if not, why?
If yes, why aren’t they listening?

wedding is just a sample. What house you buy, furniture, cars, jobs, how you raise your kids, what you name your kids... they are gonna try to control and butt in. If he can’t stand up to them for YOU and HIM as a couple.... you guys are in for a long long road of battles and resentment.
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Beginner November 2018
Alexandra · on May 14, 2018 at 11:53 PM
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Fiance and I are getting eloped next Sunday but we will have a "celebration of marriage" in november. I still want the experience of a wedding and I refuse to give up what I want but we are having to elope for other reasons. No matter what you decide, make sure you get what you want and that yall are okay with it.
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Devoted August 2018
Jamie · on May 15, 2018 at 12:07 AM
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In regards to eloping, marriage isn't a Disney movie. It's not all about "you do you boo". However, you are still allowed to have the wedding of your dreams. I'd be sitting down and having serious conversations about boundaries with said in laws. PP's are right on. If you don't nip this the bud now, every decision you and FH make with be influenced by the FIL'S.
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November 2018
happeningmom · on May 15, 2018 at 1:29 AM
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Please sit down and have a discussion with your FIL’s. As Wed18 stated they are going to become your family and you may get the wedding you want for the day but then what happens after? Fighting, silence, hostility, consist reminders of the wedding that could have been.....just think of everything and please talk to them. As you stated you agreed for the last 8 months. Well
its time to stand up and for both of you to tell them that the wedding is about the two of you. You do not mind their input however all
final
decsions will be made by you and your FH. You can always refuse to take their money and fund your own wedding.
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Expert May 2018
J · on May 15, 2018 at 2:14 AM
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You need to make a decision before invitations are sent out! Maybe tell them what they’ve been planning isn’t what you want and that you’ve decided to just elope instead because the wedding actually is about you two as a couple and that’s what you want and that’s what you will do. Maybe they will be more willing to compromise since it sounds like right now that aren’t listening to you? Why are you trying to be “polite”? I think you need to actually tell them what’s on your mind. That’s actually way more polite than surprising them by eloping without trying to communicate with them first...
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Super January 2019
PalmTrees · on May 15, 2018 at 2:43 AM
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Do you watch The Office? Jim and Pam ran off on their wedding day and got legally married just before their planned wedding because they wanted to do it their way. Then they went on with all the planned stuff. And I know that’s a tv show but still a nice idea, the way you said it made me think of that. (If it’s not possible to cancel the planned wedding, obvi that’d be first choice) Now that I think about it Lily and Marshall did the same thing on How I Met Your Mother.
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VIP May 2018
Red Queen · on May 15, 2018 at 11:05 AM
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I really wouldn't elope before the wedding... definitely not if it means you're going to lie to your guests. You can't get two marriage licenses, and your officiant will have to change the ceremony if the "wedding" becomes a vow renewal.
I would talk to your inlaws and if they won't listen to you then just call it off. I wouldn't try to have both.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on May 15, 2018 at 5:15 PM
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Your wedding is about you and your fiance, so that's wrong. I would do it, since you don't seem to have any control over your wedding...which is insane! I'm so sorry you are dealing with that. I hate when people use money as power when they are offering to pay for your wedding, that's not how it should be!
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Eloping before the "wedding day"?

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