"eloped" for financial reasons but still want wedding celebration later

Well, you aren’t a bride or a bachelorette because you’re a wife. You can do the big dress and renew your vows if you want. I wouldn’t ask people to spend money on being in a bridal party for a vow renewal.

I agree with the PP. you can definitely renew your vows, wear whatever dress you want, even have a bridal party. But you’re no longer a bachelorette, so a bachelorette party seems a little crass, especially if it’s two years later. Same with a shower. I definitely think you should tell everyone. They may not make as much of an effort to come to a vow renewal but I’ve seen too many people get hurt after being Lied too. People may also surprise you and not care.

Don't lie to people. Unfortunately you are already married and aren't entitled to any events. Even some brides don't have any events. You can still exchange vows and have a celebration.

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All of this. You shouldn't have a bridal shower or bachelorette because you aren't either of those things once you're married. Just have a vow renewal and celebrate, but don't lie. I also agree I wouldn't have a wedding party for a vow renewal.

The beauty of a wedding is that your closest friends and family get to see you take that "next step" together and get to witness your vows, it's a huge honor to be among the guests. Every family/social circle is different but I know that I would have A LOT of hurt people in my life if I had lied to them about being married.

You can still have your big dream party and renew your vows! if you want a bachelorette party, do it! but maybe have a different label on it. Have fun with it! Vow renewals are beautiful.

Congratulations on your marriage!

I agree with others, a bachelorette or shower doesn't feel appropriate. However, as long as your honest, I feel like you can do whatever else you want to celebrate your vow renewal!

I agree with PPs. When you eloped you gave up all the pre-weddin parties and events. Don’t lie to people about being married. It’s a bad way to start out.

My friend had both. It was only 3 months in between. They had to go ahead and get married because the paper work for him to adopt her son went through WAY faster than anticipated.
No one complained about the circumstances and we (the bridal party) happily threw these events.
Go out with your girlfriends call it a bachelorette if you want. Being 2 years after I wouldn't do a shower but have a luncheon, or a receipe of cookie swap.
Have fun, celebrate, and congrats!

You CAN still have the wedding of your dreams!!! You CAN have parties!! You CAN have attendants!!! You will still be a bride!! He will still be the groom!!! Vow renewals are beautiful!!
You won't have a bachelorette party.. You'll call it something else!! But you CAN do whatever the heck you want!!!!!!!
As far as not telling people...nope...tell them... Honesty is the best policy. Explain why you did it and why they weren't told. Tell them n your future plans with all the excitement you have. It's contagious!!!
Don't let ANYONE tell you you CAN'T do it!!! It's your money and your life!!!

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You had your wedding. It was small and modest but it was your wedding. Tell people you are married. Change your name if you wish but don't lie to people. Have a wedding reception in a few years. Sadly you gave up people treating it like a first time deal when you eloped.

I had this concern as well. I know with my family they would be so upset and wouldn’t celebrate with us bc that’s just how they are unfortunately. I honestly see no reason why you can’t tel them if they are supportive. I just knew my family a small
protiom of them wouldn’t be in favor of it

Cheryl&Rock I LOVE your attitude and honestly the people we have told have been super supportive of our decisions and most have asked if we are "still having a wedding", to which I explain our situation. My best friend, who was going to be my maid of honor (and still will be) still wants to throw me a "bachelorette party", and we declined gifts from close family we told right after, saying "save it for our wedding". I know some people who have already commented might be offended by our choice of "having our cake and eating it too" but sometimes there are just circumstances that get in the way of big plans. If people we know and tell are offended by how we are doing things then we don't want them to be a part of our celebration. This is 2018, not 1918.

Even as a bride you can't control whether you have a shower or a bachelorette party since these are parties offered by your loved ones to have in your honor. So as long as you're honest to your loved ones and explain that you're already married but want to do a vow renewal, they may just surprise you and decide to host these parties for you anyway since you didn't have them before you got married.

Whatever you do, don't lie. Own it and allow your loved ones to react however they're going to react.

I did the same a week ago with my now husband and we are still having a wedding, bachelor and bachelorette parties and ECT. I honestly think people will treat it how you present it. We have told family to not celebrate yet till our wedding on Nov. 2019 and they have been so supportive.

If you want a big celebration in two years go for it! I have a cousin and both her and her now husband are in the military. They got married at the courthouse almost a year before they had their reception because he was getting deployed and they wanted to be married before he left for specific reasons. They only told family on a need to know basis, basically if someone asked they would tell them but they didn't announce that they were married. It was a funny story to hear at their reception that they didn't know that they had to bring witnesses for their courthouse ceremony so they literally went out and found random people in the courthouse to sign as their witnesses (LOL). They still had a bridal shower, wedding ceremony, and reception after they both returned from separate deployments. And they were framed as such; as in we got invitations to a wedding not a vow renewal. And guess what, no one gave a flying fart. Even if you eloped now for financial reasons, I would fully support having a bigger celebration when you two are ready!

View Quoted Comment I love this

I'm not sure I'd do the bachelorette or shower (although I didn't have either myself). I personally see no issue with having your wedding (or "vow renewal" as people say here) later with the whole dress and party. It wouldn't bother me as a guest..I'd just be excited to go celebrate! I'd also be in your wedding party if you asked, so I guess that's up to your friends!

I'm torn on the not telling people thing. 2 years is a long time to hide that from people. I almost did the same thing, but it would have only been a couple months

I see no problem having the big to-do, along with the pre-wedding events, as long as you are honest about the fact that you are married. For me, as long as a friend was upfront, I’d help give her the experience she wants. Some of your guests may feel differently, but they don’t need to join.

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This pisses me off, I don't understand why people think you should have to give up any sort of party to celebrate you. If you were married or not, you still need stuff for your new home (a shower which by the way if you're already living together is gift grabby in of itself married or not IMO), a bachelorette (a weekend away/nice get together with your friends and family) Assuming these are all people that love you, I have no idea why people think you shouldn't get any parties. Do you think a wedding should make you more important than someone who eloped? I think not. I would 100% still buy a gift for someone newly married, for their "shower". It doesn't negate the fact that they'd like or need new stuff either. This is totally antiquated, and not real life. Unfortunately people you thought would come to your "wedding" won't because they're stuck in some weird antiquated way, and guess what some people will not come even if they don't know it's not your actual wedding. I do not think you need to tell anyone except your family. A wedding is a party that you choose to throw and are entitled to if that is how you want to spend your money. Yeah if you want to tell people you can, and if they judge you for it, brace yourself for hurt feelings, because I think you deserve to have those if you got married and told everyone and everyone immediately discounted your marriage, OR if you didn't tell anyone and they still didn't come to your wedding. I REALLY disagree with once you get married you don't deserve to celebrate with your family and friends in a formal way like a shower or a bachelorette.

So.. what did you do? This post is from 2 and a half years ago and I'm just curious what you ended up doing and how people reacted. Please share if you don't mind!